Posts

Dream: White Tornado

Image
Still recovering from that cold but doing a bit better. Still some congestion and clogged ears. Right now morning's are rough but the rest of the day I'm fine. This tends to be how the cold ends so I know I will be 100% soon.

Yesterday I woke up and my entire left shoulder was a giant knot that seemed to follow the entire length of my scapula all the way around to my latissimus dorsi. It hurt to move in certain ways and if I inhaled deeply it felt like a rib was poking me. My husband gave me a massage which helped only temporarily. Then I used heat and that helped a tad bit more. By evening and after two sessions of Hatha Yoga the pain subsided enough that I barely noticed the pain. The Yoga I did that focused on the lower body seemed to be what helped the most. Thinking the pain source was not my shoulder at all but my lower back and/or hamstrings. Weird but then the back tends to be like that.

I have no idea what triggered my back to do that. Usually sleep heals. This time …

Two Dreams and Deep, Penetrating Sadness

Image
Still battling a cold but am past the sore throat stage already. Now I'm just dealing with stopped up ears, evening headaches and congestion. Thankfully I've been more stable mentally and emotionally so as to counter the physical setbacks of the cold. In fact, I've felt so stable that I attempted a workout in the gym and passed with flying colors. No panic attack, not even a near-miss. Perhaps the panic/anxiety was just a temporary side-effect of recent integration and/or upgrades?

My sleep continues to be deep and uninterrupted but my dreams are slowly becoming more lucid and memorable. Last evening my guidance interrupted my thoughts for the first time in a while. I was contemplating the whole walk-in confusion I went through and the last thing I thought to myself was, "I am not a walk-in, never was." It crossed my mind that if I got that wrong then I likely got many other things wrong about my journey; that none of it has ever been what it appeared to be. I f…

The Dark Side

Image
Feeling pretty crappy this morning. I have another cold, the kind with a lovely sore throat and headache. My husband and daughter have it, too. 😕 Hoping it is short-lived. The last sore throat I had was in June when my family visited South Padre Island. That was horrendous compared to this "baby" sore throat, though. I have now lost count of how many colds I've had this year but I think this is the fourth one. For someone who rarely if ever gets sick this is ridiculous!!!!

Though I've been avoiding reading about ascension and astrological events and trends I couldn't help but notice a few fellow bloggers mentioning the Lion's Gate and eclipse energies wreaking all sorts of havoc on their bodies (physical and otherwise). As I mentioned in another post, August tends to be a crappy month for me in general. My birthday starts off the month and then it generally goes downhill from there. "Positive" spiritual experience decline in August and typically I…

Still Recovering

Image
I'm still adjusting to the shift that I experienced in early July. It's only been a little over a month but it feels like much longer than that...like I just woke up from a long dream and am trying to account for lost time. The main feeling I am struggling with is a familiar one. I don't know who I am nor do I know what I want to be. It's not an amnesia feeling. No, not a physical memory loss. I have my memory. This feeling is more along the lines of identity confusion. I know who I've been and the experiences I've had in playing all of my past roles. I also know what worked for me and what didn't. But the person I am now, the person I suddenly woke up realizing I was, doesn't know who she is anymore. She's a blank slate. Essentially the feeling comes down to feeling like I've started all over again.

I'm not comfortable with all the empty expanse of space in front of me. The blank canvas that is my life stares me down daring me to paint the…

Endings are Inevitable

Image
Feeling a general sadness this morning. I know that all things eventually come to an end, but sometimes endings are not pleasant, especially those of the friendship kind. Even when we sense a shift in a relationship or connection with someone, we often times don't pay attention to it because it may not be something we want to confront. Yet, when we change so then our life reflects back at us that change. It is inevitable.

I have made changes recently that likely have put off many people who read my blogs and who I know in person. This creates a break in communication in the realm of reality in that their reality and mine no longer match up. When I recognized the changes in myself and then voiced them I knew this break in reality would result and I accepted it. That is just my personality - all or nothing. Often I will choose to burn bridges along the path that is my life. I have no regrets in doing so when I know that path has served its purpose. If I choose to explore the path a…

Dream: Griffin Attack

Image
Yesterday was my birthday. In line with my daily stepping outside of my comfort zone, I hesitantly agreed to a birthday party celebration. Usually I play down my birthday and avoid any celebrating at all because, well, the getting older part is not as fun as it use to be. lol In all the time I've been married (10 yrs this November) I've only agreed to small family celebrations if any at all to include my mom and my immediate family. Last year I did absolutely nothing to celebrate.

This was still a family celebration but it included all of my husband's family as well as my own and so it was quite a large group. My brother and SIL who just moved to Texas hosted the party so I didn't have any cleaning up afterward. Then they allowed my two oldest to spend the night there. :)

All in all I had a good time and the kids really enjoyed themselves.

Messages and Dreams

Spiritually all has been pretty quiet. My sleep is better, though still interrupted, and my dreams are becomin…

Wake Up!

Image
We've had company for the past two days. My husband's friend and family is relocating from Florida to New Mexico and stopped by for a visit on their way there. I wasn't keen on them staying, but being I am pushing myself outside my comfort zone I obliged. There were 10 of us here (they have three kids) for over 24 hours. I am happy to have my space back, but the visit wasn't as bad as I thought.

Interestingly, when talking to the wife of this friend, my oracle deck came up in the discussion. When she looked at it she really liked it. She is encouraging me to finish the project and sell it as was my initial goal. I told her I would but am still not feeling overly motivated about it. I suspect I will resume work on it at some point, though.

I continue to push myself physically as well - running, biking, weight lifting, etc. Unfortunately, I've been struggling to fall asleep lately. It takes me until midnight to finally sleep and then I wake up at about 5:30-6am. Eve…