Sleep problems
I hate it when I can't sleep. For at least a week now my sleep cycle has been erratic. The pattern I am seeing right now is that I lay down to sleep because I feel tired. I then feel relaxed but something wakes me up just as I feel like I am drifting off to sleep. Sometimes I see pictures in my mind and it startles me awake. Other times I get interrupted by my kids or my husband (this is infrequent) and still other times I just lay there on the edge of sleep having discussions with myself or maybe with spirit, but I can never remember. Eventually I give up and walk down stairs or go to the bathroom. Sometimes I take an herbal remedy like Valerian root or Magnesium. Lately I have even tried wine, but it does nothing to help me sleep.
Usually, after hours of sleeplessness, I get angry and throw something like a pillow and that inevitably leads to me falling into my pillow in tears and frustration. After I cry or get angry I tend to fall asleep quite quickly. It is almost like I need to release the pent up emotions to really relax. However, I have had nights where I got no sleep at all, at least not restful sleep, and no amount of tears or frustration brought relief.
Last night my husband decided to start a serious conversation with me a half hour after I had laid down to sleep. I got irritated because I had only 3hrs of sleep the night before and really wanted to get a full night's rest. So I was not really in the mood to have a conversation. We ended up arguing and so I went downstairs to sleep.
Then, of course, I couldn't sleep. I felt wide awake. Not the slightest bit tired. I tried to meditate because it can often send me to sleep, but instead my body kept flinching and I started seeing odd pictures in my mind and would catch myself thinking of things which would then make me tense up. I can't remember most of it now but I do remember seeing a red light in my mind. It was round and very bright. My first thought was "anger" and I felt it related to my relationship. I had been asking why I couldn't sleep and why I have so many guides around me still (I still have 12) and that was when I saw the red light. I have never seen a red light like this and so it caught my attention.
Through all of this, Steven seems very quiet and seems to have pulled back his energy somewhat. I have heard a male guide's voice on my left a few times. His voice comes from the same area where the 12 are. He is the one who told me "Don't be afraid" when I tried to leave my body a few times last week and completely freaked out. Now that I think about it, that was the beginning of the sleepless nights. They have plagued me ever since. That was the same night I first felt the 12 gathered around me.
I just remembered something Steven told me quite out of the blue. I had long forgotten about it because if was almost two months ago. He told me, "You will get a new guide soon". I remember thinking, "Okay. So?" He said nothing more about it and I figured it wasn't a big deal since I have had many guides come and go but I choose not to associate with them. Why? Well, it can get quite confusing and it makes my life a whole lot more simple to just work with Steven. I am comfortable with him and not so trusting of just anyone who says they are my guide.
Now I wonder if perhaps this new guide is here to stay for a while. He does not seem to be going, nor are his entourage going anywhere. Maybe this is why I can't sleep. Maybe there is something going on with me subconsciously that I am not quite ready to consciously deal with. I can't imagine it is a bad thing, especially since every time I have had the 12 around me good things have happened.
Whatever is going on in my "in between" sleep and wake state is enough to startle me wide awake and my heart is usually pounding or I get a panicky feeling in my mind like I just averted something bad. It has gotten to the point where I am really starting to dread the evening hours now because it means I get to lay in the dark for hours, seemingly fighting sleep. Oh for a full eight hours of sleep! If all of this sleepless is because of new guides and something going on subconsciously I wish they would hurry up and finish. I need to sleep!
Usually, after hours of sleeplessness, I get angry and throw something like a pillow and that inevitably leads to me falling into my pillow in tears and frustration. After I cry or get angry I tend to fall asleep quite quickly. It is almost like I need to release the pent up emotions to really relax. However, I have had nights where I got no sleep at all, at least not restful sleep, and no amount of tears or frustration brought relief.
Last night my husband decided to start a serious conversation with me a half hour after I had laid down to sleep. I got irritated because I had only 3hrs of sleep the night before and really wanted to get a full night's rest. So I was not really in the mood to have a conversation. We ended up arguing and so I went downstairs to sleep.
Then, of course, I couldn't sleep. I felt wide awake. Not the slightest bit tired. I tried to meditate because it can often send me to sleep, but instead my body kept flinching and I started seeing odd pictures in my mind and would catch myself thinking of things which would then make me tense up. I can't remember most of it now but I do remember seeing a red light in my mind. It was round and very bright. My first thought was "anger" and I felt it related to my relationship. I had been asking why I couldn't sleep and why I have so many guides around me still (I still have 12) and that was when I saw the red light. I have never seen a red light like this and so it caught my attention.
Through all of this, Steven seems very quiet and seems to have pulled back his energy somewhat. I have heard a male guide's voice on my left a few times. His voice comes from the same area where the 12 are. He is the one who told me "Don't be afraid" when I tried to leave my body a few times last week and completely freaked out. Now that I think about it, that was the beginning of the sleepless nights. They have plagued me ever since. That was the same night I first felt the 12 gathered around me.
I just remembered something Steven told me quite out of the blue. I had long forgotten about it because if was almost two months ago. He told me, "You will get a new guide soon". I remember thinking, "Okay. So?" He said nothing more about it and I figured it wasn't a big deal since I have had many guides come and go but I choose not to associate with them. Why? Well, it can get quite confusing and it makes my life a whole lot more simple to just work with Steven. I am comfortable with him and not so trusting of just anyone who says they are my guide.
Now I wonder if perhaps this new guide is here to stay for a while. He does not seem to be going, nor are his entourage going anywhere. Maybe this is why I can't sleep. Maybe there is something going on with me subconsciously that I am not quite ready to consciously deal with. I can't imagine it is a bad thing, especially since every time I have had the 12 around me good things have happened.
Whatever is going on in my "in between" sleep and wake state is enough to startle me wide awake and my heart is usually pounding or I get a panicky feeling in my mind like I just averted something bad. It has gotten to the point where I am really starting to dread the evening hours now because it means I get to lay in the dark for hours, seemingly fighting sleep. Oh for a full eight hours of sleep! If all of this sleepless is because of new guides and something going on subconsciously I wish they would hurry up and finish. I need to sleep!
Comments