Truly feeling stuck "in-between" lately
I have spent most of the last nine years since my spiritual awakening trying to figure out if what I experience is real. I do this by asking others with similar gifts what their experiences are and tell them my own in hopes that they will recognize and validate my experiences. Problem is, when I tell them what I have experienced they will look at me as if they are thinking, "You made that up".
It has been difficult for me to find anyone who has had similar experiences to mine to the extent that they developed their abilities seemingly spontaneously with the help of their guide. It is even harder to find anyone with a close relationship with their guide. Either I find people who have nothing close to what I have or I find people who have completely lost touch with reality. I m beginning to think that maybe I will never find someone like me.
The woman who emailed me a couple of days ago about needing help with her spiritual awaking (the one who lives in the same town as me) still has not written me back. I feel she might be afraid to continue communication because I live so close by, or maybe she just doesn't believe I am who I am. I don't know and really feel a bit down over it. I had hoped that I could help her.
I have been watching a lot of television about mediums and psychics lately as well. I must admit, some are really odd in my opinion. They seem to enjoy being in the spotlight and many of them seem to only be giving readings to get exposure of some sort, either that or money. The feeling I get from them is that they feel self-important. Yes we are special, we have great gifts, but we are not any better than anyone else because of those gifts. I wonder if they have a guide who tells them "You are special" like mine does? I wonder if they have realized yet that special is true but not to let it go to their head?
I specifically have an issue with people who claim to channel a special spirit or guide. Something just doesn't sit right with me there. I saw this woman on television who claimed she was channeling a spirit from 500 years ago and something just felt wrong about it. The other things I didn't like was that she was offering up solutions to people's problems, telling them what to do and what would happen. I don't like doing that because people need to make their own decisions and need to step up and take responsibility for their life. That is not my job. Besides, I believe the future is not set in stone and that we have control over it. I watched this woman channel on television and the people were hanging on her every word. If she had told them if they put a pumpkin on their car they would get unexpected money, then they would have done it!
I remember when I first went to see Sylvia Browne. I was so excited! I just wanted to see her in person and feel her energy. I figured it would be a great show. But in the end, I was very disappointed. She seemed very guarded and, well, grumpy. It felt like she was just doing what she needed to do to get the money for the show. She was not very personable. It was rather sad. It just goes to show that money can really take the heart out of someone's work. I saw that it did that to her.
Now when I think of going back to giving readings full-time I think about how the money aspect changes me. I have noticed the little differences. I get nervous and anxious over whether I got enough info. I stress over that and it sometimes blocks spirit. I am much happier giving readings for free because the anxiety is not there. If I don't get spirit, so what? At least I tried.
I suppose that is why I just don't seem to be on the same page as many others with similar gifts to my own. It doesn't help that I have been in contact with my guide like I have or had my gifts come to me all at once in a month's time. I guess I will just have to be happy with having the few people around me who do believe me and don't judge me - that includes spirit.
Until then I will continue to live my "other" life for as long as I can bear it. I feel so guarded at work and really dislike the people who have nothing better to do than observe others and report every little mistake they make. It feels like I am being watched. I have thought about telling some people at work what I can do, but I avoid it like the plague. I know it will be used against me. It is sad that people are that way. Sometimes I really dislike people in general.
Sorry if I am rambling. Just a lot of things going through my mind lately. I truly feel stuck in between worlds right now.
It has been difficult for me to find anyone who has had similar experiences to mine to the extent that they developed their abilities seemingly spontaneously with the help of their guide. It is even harder to find anyone with a close relationship with their guide. Either I find people who have nothing close to what I have or I find people who have completely lost touch with reality. I m beginning to think that maybe I will never find someone like me.
The woman who emailed me a couple of days ago about needing help with her spiritual awaking (the one who lives in the same town as me) still has not written me back. I feel she might be afraid to continue communication because I live so close by, or maybe she just doesn't believe I am who I am. I don't know and really feel a bit down over it. I had hoped that I could help her.
I have been watching a lot of television about mediums and psychics lately as well. I must admit, some are really odd in my opinion. They seem to enjoy being in the spotlight and many of them seem to only be giving readings to get exposure of some sort, either that or money. The feeling I get from them is that they feel self-important. Yes we are special, we have great gifts, but we are not any better than anyone else because of those gifts. I wonder if they have a guide who tells them "You are special" like mine does? I wonder if they have realized yet that special is true but not to let it go to their head?
I specifically have an issue with people who claim to channel a special spirit or guide. Something just doesn't sit right with me there. I saw this woman on television who claimed she was channeling a spirit from 500 years ago and something just felt wrong about it. The other things I didn't like was that she was offering up solutions to people's problems, telling them what to do and what would happen. I don't like doing that because people need to make their own decisions and need to step up and take responsibility for their life. That is not my job. Besides, I believe the future is not set in stone and that we have control over it. I watched this woman channel on television and the people were hanging on her every word. If she had told them if they put a pumpkin on their car they would get unexpected money, then they would have done it!
I remember when I first went to see Sylvia Browne. I was so excited! I just wanted to see her in person and feel her energy. I figured it would be a great show. But in the end, I was very disappointed. She seemed very guarded and, well, grumpy. It felt like she was just doing what she needed to do to get the money for the show. She was not very personable. It was rather sad. It just goes to show that money can really take the heart out of someone's work. I saw that it did that to her.
Now when I think of going back to giving readings full-time I think about how the money aspect changes me. I have noticed the little differences. I get nervous and anxious over whether I got enough info. I stress over that and it sometimes blocks spirit. I am much happier giving readings for free because the anxiety is not there. If I don't get spirit, so what? At least I tried.
I suppose that is why I just don't seem to be on the same page as many others with similar gifts to my own. It doesn't help that I have been in contact with my guide like I have or had my gifts come to me all at once in a month's time. I guess I will just have to be happy with having the few people around me who do believe me and don't judge me - that includes spirit.
Until then I will continue to live my "other" life for as long as I can bear it. I feel so guarded at work and really dislike the people who have nothing better to do than observe others and report every little mistake they make. It feels like I am being watched. I have thought about telling some people at work what I can do, but I avoid it like the plague. I know it will be used against me. It is sad that people are that way. Sometimes I really dislike people in general.
Sorry if I am rambling. Just a lot of things going through my mind lately. I truly feel stuck in between worlds right now.
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