Give Me Reason
I had woken up from some very vivid dreams. I spoke to John for a little while. He was encouraging me to move forward in life and reminding me of my time here saying, "You have time". I suppose he was trying to help me realize that all was not lost yet. I tried to discourage him/myself by reminding me/him that I still did not have a job and had little hope of getting one. I again asked for a chance at a job, just a chance. He said back to me, "In time". That was not what I wanted to hear. I then said, "I want to get this over with already". He sent waves of energy toward me and asked me to focus on myself. I told him I wanted to leave my body (astral). Around this time I must have fallen asleep, which is not unusual when I feel energy pouring over me.
Football
I found myself laying in my old bed in my mother's house, back from when I was staying with her in 2004. I did quite a bit of astral there. In fact, it is where I finally mastered a conscious exit. I often return to that room and house when I astral. I don't intend to, I just do.
As I lay in the bed I was aware that I was surrounded by others. The scene seemed to be a mixture of my bedroom and a classroom. A large, black man was talking to the group of students as well as myself. He was giving us an assignment. He told us to guess the name of a prominent couple. The names the other students were giving were not familiar to me. The teacher who resembled a coach was talking directly to me asking me if I knew the names of the two players. I realized he was talking about football players. I told him, "I don't like football" and felt very averse to the sport and did not want to participate in this "stupid" game. I was very judgmental of him when I found out he was a football coach and noted that the other students were "jocks" and "cheerleaders". The coach, unperturbed by my disgust of the sport gave me the name of the male player - Hamleigh. I said,"I have no idea who that is!" He then gave me the name of the female - Jay. Again, I did not have any idea who he was talking about. I also thought to myself that those were odd names for a man and woman. (When I looked up the name Hamleigh I found that William Hamleigh is one of the main characters in the book I am currently reading - The Pillars of the Earth. I have just started reading the book and only remember the first names of the characters. Turns out, William was who I was reading about before I fell asleep last night).
At this point something was "off" to me. I began to look around at the bedroom. The bed I was laying on looked like a miniature football field, yet I was aware of laying in bed. I looked across the green grass of the top of the bed and saw a hole. It seemed to have a glow to it. I focused and the glow went away. Something was not right about this, I thought. Then I heard the alarm clock radio blare loudly. I rushed to it, across the football bed which vanished as I moved toward the clock. I tried to turn off the clock, but the noise and static got louder. I adjusted the knob and was finally able to shut off the noise.
At this point I was out of bed and suddenly realized I must be dreaming, but was unsure. I felt the scene waver and the familiar pulling sensation that I get when I am about to return to my body. I fought the sensation, still not quite sure that I was dreaming but very suspicious.
Give Me a Reason
I went to the bedroom door and stood there for a while, still contemplating whether I was awake or asleep. I looked at the doorknob. It looked very real. I focused on how I felt, how my body felt and how the place felt. It felt very real. I remember thinking at that point, "I will try to astral" in order to prove to myself that I was in fact dreaming because I was still not 100% certain that what was happening was a dream.
I opened the door and walked through into the living area. It was dark and quiet but I saw my dog Trooper across the room. He came running to me but ran into a blanket and it fell over top of him, covering him entirely. The blanket was red and green and covered in Christmas designs. I smiled and bent down and opened my arms to let Trooper run into them. I saw him clearly and was overjoyed that I was getting to see him again. He was smiling (well if dogs can smile, but that is what I call it) and happy to see me. I could see his tongue lolling out of his mouth and see the familiar designs of his Australian Shepherd Blue Merle coat, the black around his eyes and the brown, black, gray and white specks of his fur. He ran to the door wanting to be let outside. I turned to follow and began singing at the top of my lungs. I sang the words, "Give me reason, more than a reason" over and over and heard a chorus singing with me. As I sang, I saw my mother and grandmother standing next to me smiling. I grabbed their hands and began dancing with them as I sang. They smiled and danced along, though my grandmother seemed reluctant. I remember thinking how wonderful it was that they were with me and both were unhindered by their physical bodies. My grandmother seemed to not realize this fact, though my mom did and danced happily.
I went to the door and it opened without me touching it. It was dark outside but I could see the outline of the trees and starry night sky. I saw Trooper run ahead of me and go to a tree to do his business. I was full of joy in that moment, though I do not remember singing. I looked up at the sky and launched myself into it, fully realizing that I was out of my body. I ascended very quickly, and this caught me off guard so I lost my vision somewhat. Knowing I would soon return to my body if I did not remedy this, I slowed down and swerved back into the front yard. I landed and loudly stated, "Clarity now!" as I did, I could feel myself stabilizing. I stood at the end of the sidewalk of the front yard and kept moving forward towards the tree where Trooper had been. I brought my hands out in front of me and could see them clearly, a whitish glow surrounding each digit. I turned them over and looked at the top of them and saw even more vividly their color and detail to the very fine lines outlining each knuckle. I smiled as I noticed the darkness chased away by the light and an entire world open up to my vision.
I looked up the road and heard the sound of a vehicle approaching. I knew it was the school bus and took off in the direction of the main road. I flew up about 8 feet over the ground and glided happily toward the road. I saw the bus fly by loaded with children and saw another, smaller vehicle follow behind it. I took off after it, feeling jubilant and intending to follow them into town.
As I followed the road I noticed that the usually familiar area was not as it should be. The road wound up and over the hill and the major land marks were where they should be, but the trees, the color and the distant hills were changed. The colors were vivid and bright and I saw blues, golds, browns, greens, and other colors that should not be there. I flew up higher and looked down at the landscape. I could see a large lake in the distance. No lake is there normally and I became curious. I then saw the school bus top the hill and go around the corner heading toward town. I wondered if I could make it to town but I did not direct myself to go there. I wanted to go the long way along the road and follow the bus there, not instantly arrive which I could do with just a thought.
It was at this time that I noticed the music playing and the song I had been singing earlier began to flow from my lips. I don't know if I had been singing it all along but I took to the words happily, singing "Give me reason, more than a reason" over and over along with a chorus of instruments and singers. I arced high in the sky and headed toward the lake while I sang. The water was glistening and inviting. I dipped down and touched the surface of the water. For some reason this action caused my vision to black out and being I really had no purpose to be there I allowed myself to return to my body. I was still singing in my mind when I woke up.
Afterward
Usually I am very pleased at having gone astral and I was, but I was not happy to have returned to my body and was a bit grumpy upon settling firmly into it. I was grateful, though, to have at least gotten to go on a short excursion. I wanted to go back but knew I was too awake now to successfully return.
I am disappointed that my little astral trip did not bring me more joy. I had hoped to meet up with my guides, I think, and discuss some of the issues going on in my life. I did not get to do that and strangely I did not have that intention at all while out of body. The thought never even crossed my mind. I seemed only to want to play and enjoy the healing aspects that come with feeling free and flying.
It is the New Year and I should be focusing on creating a new, more fulfilling life for myself. I am not excited, though. I still feel burdened by life and have little hope that things will improve. I have an interview next Tuesday but am considering cancelling it. I just don't think a job will come to me. I can't seem to shake the feeling that I am being led down the path I least desire. This path is the one where I have my baby and do not return to my current job but do not have a new one. Unfortunately, the path that seems most likely is the one that doesn't leave me with many options.
Happy New Year.
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