Much Better, Thank You

Yesterday was much better than the day before stress-wise. The morning was a bit bumpy because I had to drive out to my mom's area to pick up the packet for the 5K I will be running on Saturday. The drive itself seemed to up the stress level for some reason and I could feel the tell-tell signs of an anxiety attack begin to bubble up several times. Even my music was not helping. By the time I made it to the country I was better and the drive back there was no issue.

On the drive I got to feel out the sensations a bit more and realized my heart chakra was the likely culprit. Someone once told me that anxiety is the result of repressed feelings; blocking ones self from feeling the uncomfortable - fear, grief, anger, etc. It's not just the result of worry. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I have successfully blocked my heart chakra in order to protect myself from the intense grief episodes that were pummeling me earlier this year. So, as a means to test this, I purposefully thought of those things that in the past would bring on the grief episodes, even listening to music from the time when I was working the temporary school counseling job. Music is a memory and emotion trigger for me, so if anything could bring up trapped or suppressed emotion it would be music.

Even with the music from that time playing I was pretty stable. I tried to focus on the good memories and I celebrated the fact that particular songs did not incite any emotion.

Another thing that may be influencing my anxiety and stress lately is the increase in solar flare activity. I have not been following them but friends on FB were posting updates and yesterday someone said that there 6 flares over 6 days, one of them being one of largest ever seen. On top of all the flares there were also gamma ray bursts. Apparently there was an X-class solar flare that barely missed Earth on September 11th.

My reactions to gamma ray bursts and solar flares are mixed. Sometimes I feel awesome, other times not so much. Increases in anxiety are a typical reaction of mine. 

My stress level is a lot lower today also because several small things that had piled up to create the stress in the first place are now no longer an issue. My fridge was never broken to begin with. Just some freak freezer freeze-up. My a/c was never an issue either. There were other small things like I found a huge, cantaloupe-sized, thick, crusty, black spot on my daughter's bedroom carpet from black slime that had been spilled and left overnight. Ugh. Thankfully some vinegar and my carpet cleaner fixed that one. Then the certified letter turned out to be from the a/c installation company asking me to schedule their inspector. Guess they needed to cover their butts since they hadn't gotten it inspected yet (my fault). And finally, my husband is back from Florida without any delay meaning tonight I have help and tomorrow I can sleep in! 

On top of all of the above, there is good news. Tomorrow I run a 5K through a vineyard near where I use to live in the hill country. I get wine afterward for my effort, not that wine and running really go well together but I'll make it work. lol Afterward I get to spend some time with my mom. The other good news is that a person from one of my online groups gave me his Garmin Forerunner 15 for free. He even paid for the shipping. It arrived today all the way from Pennsylvania. Feels like my birthday all over again. :) Add the above to all the success I'm having in achieving my fitness goals and I have nothing to complain about. Life's good. 

Guidance

Yesterday was pretty calm in comparison to the one before and by bedtime I felt pretty relaxed. As I prepared for bed I noticed the reflection of one of my paintings in my computer screen. The painting was the one I painted to represent what happens when two complementary souls connect. I had actually thought I took it down, as I had intended to, so seeing it caught my eye.

Upon seeing it I felt as if a question was asked of me - would I be willing to experience that again? My immediate response was "yes" and it was as if my entire body remembered the experience. I was covered from head to toe in waves of energy that pulsed up and down my body. Each pass making my body heavier and heavier. The bliss was slight but present. My heart chakra never activated. 

As I lay there in this energy hug I must have entered into the in-between without knowing it because I began to see things in my mind's eye that were very real. Flashes of a person moving in my peripheral vision. Another of a person in front of me, very close and looking at me. At the same time I was receiving communication explaining that I was not alone, that I was loved and that many were assisting me. It felt as if there were people standing around me in a circle. It was reminiscent of the days when I had E.T. communication. I didn't resist any of it because I was fully absorbed in the energy moving up and down my body. 

One of the things I was told was that I would feel the connection represented by the symbol in that painting again. This I didn't resist. I welcomed it especially if it comes from my family in Spirit. I do not welcome it in the physical for it causes too much upset. If/when I experience it again I will focus entirely on the spiritual experience and push away any potential connections here in the physical. The mistake I made the first time was in assuming the connection came as the result of a physical encounter when in actuality any connection here in the physical is a direct result of the spiritual one. I understand now the delays I caused by making this mistake. It is time to get back on track and finish what I started using the lessons I learned to avoid potential detours. 

It was made clear to me that those who are around me in Spirit at this time all have a connection to me. What I have experienced in the past, the amazing bliss that makes me want to surrender myself completely to it, is my natural state as a Spiritual Being. They are my family, very close to me and very much a part of me (one in the same). One in particular has been close. I've already written about him and though I am not familiar with him on a human consciousness level, he continues to make his presence known. 

Timeline Jumping?

The energy swirled around for some time and the messages poured in. I wish now I could recall the specifics better but mostly I just remember the feeling and that is likely the point. I did ask what was happening and I heard distinctly, "The Shift". 

As the energy faded and I prepared to enter into sleep I kept having memories. They were clear, full-on memories including vivid scenes and images. In the moment I recalled them I was living them, they were my life and my experiences. When I would recognize these memories I would react my knowing the full story surrounding them. Details that proved these memories were mine. Yet at the same time I would resist because these memories did not align with this life. The questions that resulted would bring on bouts of intense anxiety to the point that my heart would begin to hurt and I would hold my breath. The main anxiety producer was the thought that I was going crazy, that there was no way these other lives could be mine and exist parallel to this one. Yet the memories were so clear, so very obviously my own! 

Of course, I don't remember these memories now. As soon as I would question them and the anxiety would hit the memories were lost. My guide would intervene during the anxiety and remind me that I controlled it, that I did not have to be the effect. His reminders triggered me somehow and I would immediately calm my mind and the anxiety would cease. 

Several times I had full-on memories that were so real it was as if I were in the process of living the memory as I recalled it. At the same time I was completely aware of the me laying in bed and had all of her memories. It is hard to explain but imagine having memory of an entirely different lifetime, a lifetime you recall as being your present one, at the same time as having memories of your present present lifetime here. It is no wonder it caused a panic attack! 

I am grateful I don't recall these other lifetimes now. I think I would end up in a mental hospital. There is no way my human mind could process or make sense of such a thing. At least I don't think there is.

There is no point in trying to reconcile what happened last night. I could have been jumping timelines as people call it. Who knows but there is no doubt in my mind that these other lives were/are my own. Nor do I doubt that they are occurring simultaneously to this one.