Kicking Suppression's Butt
My husband's beliefs about illness are pretty simple. When a person feels suppressed by others in their life or by their environment, then they will get sick more often or be more accident prone. To be suppressed you must feel that you have little control over the actions of others and/or your environment. For example, if someone in your family constantly invalidates you and makes you feel insignificant and useless, you are more likely to get sick if you accept this and do nothing about it (ie. confront them or not allow their comments to affect you). Or you may have stupid accidents like run into another car in a parking lot (or the garage in my case lol) or break your pinky finger while opening a can. Yes, illness is caused by viruses and bacteria and such, but our body's immunity to such diseases in very much affected by how we react/respond to our environment.
My family's continued illness is a red flag to me that we are all being suppressed in some way by our environment.
For me, this is a major disappointment. I don't get sick very often, maybe once or twice a year, tops. My kids and husband are the same way. So, what are we feeling suppressed by?
My husband I know is struggling with his work environment. His boss/best friend died, the boss's wife is now sick with terminal cancer and never at work and her daughter has taken over the whole company. This daughter is incompetent to say the least and does not like my husband. So his normally pleasant work environment has turned into a daily struggle for him. Not only that, but my husband says "everyone at work is sick or dying". This perception of his work environment in itself can be a suppressive influence.
For me, my work environment has been suppressive since last year. I got sick like this the beginning of this year - two times in a row and both really horrible illnesses in my opinion. The first was an intestinal bug that went on for 6 days and the second was a horrible coughing illness that lasted over a week. Considering that I am still working here, I am certain that my work environment is contributing to my illness.
An additional problem for me is my relationship with my husband. We have been better recently, but we have been more likely to fight since his boss's death and I am not feeling very close to him as a result. However, I do not believe this is the source of my "suppression" because I do not feel weighed down or crushed by having him in my life. In order to be suppressed and thus get ill or have accidents, etc, one must feel they have no control over the person, force or environment. I definitely feel I have control when it comes to my relationship with my husband.
My children would likely be feeling suppressed from other sources. Maybe my daughter is feeling it from school, but most likely it is from home. Same with my son. If my husband and I get in better communication with one another and are more positive and happy at home, then my children will feel less suppressed by their home environment. Also, I can help them by giving them more control over their life. To feel one has control in life is such an important aspect of well-being.
Overall, I feel we WILL overcome this and get better physically, mentally and spiritually. I am already on the mend and so are my children. I wish only that I could help my husband to stop putting so much emphasis on his work. I try to help him understand that work is just work and he can always find another job, but he doesn't want another job. He wants his current job. So hopefully I can help him manage it in a way that helps him feel more at cause.
Other Considerations
Besides my concerns over my family's consistent illnesses, I woke up very concerned again about my sister and others like her. I especially felt a heaviness in my heart for the children affected by adults who seem to make all the wrong decisions in life, decisions that can drastically affect the future of their children.
I had a disturbing dream last night that caused me to think of all these unfortunate children when I awoke. In the dream I was with a couple of young women. They were sisters and I was like a third wheel. I didn't feel a part of this group, yet I was tagging along. I was first with them at a restaurant and then followed them back to one of the sister's apartments. In the apartment were others, mostly young men who were the shady sort. For some reason I was taking a bath in the middle of the room and one of these men was next to me. I remember cleaning myself and talking to him. He was friendly but overly interested in sex and drugs.
After my bath I was again with the sisters. I vaguely remember discussing a wedding and seeing flowers and then talking about this baby. I was holding this baby girl in my hands. She was probably only 9 months old. I remember she began choking and I handed her to the shady looking man. He did nothing to help her and I said in horror, "She's choking!" and reached over and grabbed her and help her to breath. She threw up milk and then some brown stuff. I was horrified that the man did nothing and seemed not to care. He was more interested in himself and his life, his drugs.
I realized that the man had slipped the baby some cocaine in one of her nostrils and that was why the baby almost died. She had passed out and choked on her own throw up. She had recovered but no one wanted to take her to the hospital. I was very concerned about the baby and I was talking to the sisters about her. Apparently the baby was the daughter of a third sister, a sister who had been making bad decisions, doing drugs and handling her money and affairs poorly. The baby was being passed back and forth by the other sisters but they couldn't take care of her and they were deciding to let social services take her. I remember thinking that it was awful and considering the future of this little baby girl. How now that she had been damaged by drugs, mistreated and likely had brain damage that she would be passed from family to family and never have the kind of life she deserved.
When I awoke that is what I was thinking about and I was so very disappointed in mankind and in this physical place called Earth. How could people allow such things to happen to children? How could they use children as a means to get what they want? How could they ignore, abuse and neglect them? What kind of world was this?
My guide was there close by and comforting. He merely reminded me,"It is their life". He was referring to the children and reminding me that they chose to born into their lives for a reason; to learn specific lessons. The "why" was theirs to know, not mine. He reassured me that in the end, this world is not as important as it may seem while we are in it.
I am reminded how life is like a play. We, the actors and actresses, have been rehearsing for it on the Other Side, perfecting our roles, before we descend into our physical bodies to "go on stage". Some nervousness is expected and we may or may not forget our lines. The main difference is that we become so immersed in our individual roles that we tend to forget who we really are. We may do things that we wouldn't normally do. We may kill, we may cheat, we may abuse the innocent, we may do all sorts of horrible things, but it is part of our role and we play it perfectly when we are in these bodies. In the end, after death, after our role is concluded, we appraise our acting and rehearse the next role. My guide tries to relate to me that the seriousness in which we play our roles while we are playing them is erased when we die. The seriousness vanishes and much of the time we see it as merely a role we played in a movie we participated in. It has its ups and downs, its highs and lows, but in the end it was a movie, a good book, we once read and learned from. In the end it is only as important as the movie before and before that and before that. Once we release the heaviness of life, the life we lived in merely one of millions of others, a page in a book we ourselves are writing.
In the end, all that matters is the lessons and the pain, the hurt, the hunger and neglect are easily erased when we ascend back to our Home.
He tries to get me to remember this when I am grieving over the harshness of this world. It is so hard not to become immersed in it. It is so hard to remember that this is an illusion, one we chose to experience. So my heart still aches for all those who suffer, especially for the innocent ones whose lives are so easily influenced by their caretakers.
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