Holding back messages
Today my mom's cousin died. I knew something bad was about to happen, too. I hate it when that happens.
Last night, after the children were in their beds and I was sitting on my front porch enjoying the night air, I felt a horrible panicky feeling in my chest and I knew something bad was about to happen. It only lasted a few seconds. I actually thought about calling my mom to tell her I felt this way and to check on her because in the past when I have had the feeling something bad has happened right after. Well, like the other times, I didn't call her. I did makes sure that the bad feeling wasn't directly connected to my immediate family, though - me, my husband, my children, my mom and brother. I do this by mentally picturing each person and seeing if the feeling comes with the picture in my mind. No bad feeling returned after I had thought of each of them. Just in case, I even asked my guide, but there was no response. Just a feeling of "It will be okay". A typical response from him.
So I went inside, the feeling still following me a little bit. It nagged me enough that I checked on my son one more time than usual, just to make sure he was okay. Then I drifted off to sleep, the feeling and the worry replaced by more interesting dreams.
Today nothing out of the ordinary happened. I went to the gym to get my two hours of weights and cycling in and came home refreshed and relaxed. My Mom and I were going to go into town together. She was going to go grocery shopping and I was going to take the kids to the pool and meet up with an old friend. The day couldn't get any better!
Then I got a phone call from my Mom. Her cousin died. I knew he had a heart attack a few days ago but we were told he was better and dong fine. Turns out he died suddenly. I am still not even sure what happened, but my thoughts are that he had an another heart attack. I feel really bad for his family and my family. My grandmother is upset because it is her sister's son and her nephew. My Mom is upset because it is her cousin. I am in shock because, once again, I should have said something, but I didn't.
This has happened before. Too many times to count. I get a feeling and I push it away thinking, "It's nothing" or "No one will believe me". The last time it happened my grandfather, who died several years ago, came to me in spirit. This should have been my first hint that something was wrong. I listened to him. He wanted me to pass on a message to my grandmother. I got upset a little - it is always hard to get messages directly from someone who I knew and loved in this life - but I listened and remembered what he said. I also got a visual of me talking to my grandmother in the hospital. That scared me a little but I got a feeling from my grandfather that everything would be okay and that set my heart at ease.
My grandfather lingered around the house for a while. My daughter talked about "the old man" several times saying, "Did you see that funny old man go up the stairs mommy?" I just figured he was coming for a visit and mentally told him "Hi" and "I love you". I also saw images of him out of the corner of my eye and then when I looked he would be gone. Then, later, I had a dream with him in it, too. Again, I just figured he was coming by to say hello.
I didn't pass on the message to my grandmother. I meant to, really I did, but I kept thinking that it was nothing; that she would be okay. Besides, I figured others in my family would not believe me, especially if she never ended up in the hospital.
About two weeks later I found out my grandmother was rushed to the hospital. She had a stroke.
I should have said something.
So, I told my Mom about the message. She told me I should tell my grandmother. I went to visit her and told her. I said, "Nanny, Grandaddy came to visit me a couple of weeks ago. He wanted me to tell you that he is around all the time and that he loves you. He also told me that you are afraid of dying and to not be afraid."
She laughed and said, "I knew he was around. I have been dreaming of him. And I am afraid of dying. I don't want to leave so many things undone."
So turns out the message that I held onto for two weeks was given as it was meant to be given. Everything worked out as it was suppose to. Unfortunately, I don't always know that at the time, or at least I don't think I know.
I use to tell people exactly what I got for them regardless of whether they asked for it or not. I learned the hard way that sometimes people don' t want to know. Sometimes they aren't ready for the information.
I once told a lady to be prepared in the future for her daughter to have a "cancer scare". The wording was poor, I must admit, and I kick myself every day for saying it. She immediately took it as if I had said, "Your daughter will get cancer". Since I was so new to being a medium and having psychic abilities, I did not know what to keep to myself and what to pass on. I also tend to be very blunt and not think about what I am going to say before I say it. In this particular case, it really upset the lady and she became enraged and nasty. I apologized but she would have none of it. I even told her that I did not actually see her daughter getting cancer, but she didn't want to hear it. In her mind I had just told her that she might lose her daughter and her rational mind shut down and her mommy mind kicked in and all she could think of was losing her child. The unnecessary grief I caused taught me never, ever tell someone something they are not asking for, especially if it of a delicate nature.
So I hold my tongue and I feel awful when something happens that I might have been able to help with had I said what I felt or knew. And I feel bad today, but really, had I said something all it would have done is cause my Mom and maybe even my grandmother to feel unnecessary anxiety.
Last night, after the children were in their beds and I was sitting on my front porch enjoying the night air, I felt a horrible panicky feeling in my chest and I knew something bad was about to happen. It only lasted a few seconds. I actually thought about calling my mom to tell her I felt this way and to check on her because in the past when I have had the feeling something bad has happened right after. Well, like the other times, I didn't call her. I did makes sure that the bad feeling wasn't directly connected to my immediate family, though - me, my husband, my children, my mom and brother. I do this by mentally picturing each person and seeing if the feeling comes with the picture in my mind. No bad feeling returned after I had thought of each of them. Just in case, I even asked my guide, but there was no response. Just a feeling of "It will be okay". A typical response from him.
So I went inside, the feeling still following me a little bit. It nagged me enough that I checked on my son one more time than usual, just to make sure he was okay. Then I drifted off to sleep, the feeling and the worry replaced by more interesting dreams.
Today nothing out of the ordinary happened. I went to the gym to get my two hours of weights and cycling in and came home refreshed and relaxed. My Mom and I were going to go into town together. She was going to go grocery shopping and I was going to take the kids to the pool and meet up with an old friend. The day couldn't get any better!
Then I got a phone call from my Mom. Her cousin died. I knew he had a heart attack a few days ago but we were told he was better and dong fine. Turns out he died suddenly. I am still not even sure what happened, but my thoughts are that he had an another heart attack. I feel really bad for his family and my family. My grandmother is upset because it is her sister's son and her nephew. My Mom is upset because it is her cousin. I am in shock because, once again, I should have said something, but I didn't.
This has happened before. Too many times to count. I get a feeling and I push it away thinking, "It's nothing" or "No one will believe me". The last time it happened my grandfather, who died several years ago, came to me in spirit. This should have been my first hint that something was wrong. I listened to him. He wanted me to pass on a message to my grandmother. I got upset a little - it is always hard to get messages directly from someone who I knew and loved in this life - but I listened and remembered what he said. I also got a visual of me talking to my grandmother in the hospital. That scared me a little but I got a feeling from my grandfather that everything would be okay and that set my heart at ease.
My grandfather lingered around the house for a while. My daughter talked about "the old man" several times saying, "Did you see that funny old man go up the stairs mommy?" I just figured he was coming for a visit and mentally told him "Hi" and "I love you". I also saw images of him out of the corner of my eye and then when I looked he would be gone. Then, later, I had a dream with him in it, too. Again, I just figured he was coming by to say hello.
I didn't pass on the message to my grandmother. I meant to, really I did, but I kept thinking that it was nothing; that she would be okay. Besides, I figured others in my family would not believe me, especially if she never ended up in the hospital.
About two weeks later I found out my grandmother was rushed to the hospital. She had a stroke.
I should have said something.
So, I told my Mom about the message. She told me I should tell my grandmother. I went to visit her and told her. I said, "Nanny, Grandaddy came to visit me a couple of weeks ago. He wanted me to tell you that he is around all the time and that he loves you. He also told me that you are afraid of dying and to not be afraid."
She laughed and said, "I knew he was around. I have been dreaming of him. And I am afraid of dying. I don't want to leave so many things undone."
So turns out the message that I held onto for two weeks was given as it was meant to be given. Everything worked out as it was suppose to. Unfortunately, I don't always know that at the time, or at least I don't think I know.
I use to tell people exactly what I got for them regardless of whether they asked for it or not. I learned the hard way that sometimes people don' t want to know. Sometimes they aren't ready for the information.
I once told a lady to be prepared in the future for her daughter to have a "cancer scare". The wording was poor, I must admit, and I kick myself every day for saying it. She immediately took it as if I had said, "Your daughter will get cancer". Since I was so new to being a medium and having psychic abilities, I did not know what to keep to myself and what to pass on. I also tend to be very blunt and not think about what I am going to say before I say it. In this particular case, it really upset the lady and she became enraged and nasty. I apologized but she would have none of it. I even told her that I did not actually see her daughter getting cancer, but she didn't want to hear it. In her mind I had just told her that she might lose her daughter and her rational mind shut down and her mommy mind kicked in and all she could think of was losing her child. The unnecessary grief I caused taught me never, ever tell someone something they are not asking for, especially if it of a delicate nature.
So I hold my tongue and I feel awful when something happens that I might have been able to help with had I said what I felt or knew. And I feel bad today, but really, had I said something all it would have done is cause my Mom and maybe even my grandmother to feel unnecessary anxiety.
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