Something's Wrong
Last night, after yet another stressful day at work (this time a coworker threatened me), I went home and did my normal exercise routine - fast walking for 30 minutes followed by some light weight lifting. I really, really didn't want to work out. I haven't wanted to for a while now. I just make myself do it because it usually helps me get my mind off things. Well, it did do just that. I decided to do some Yoga stretches afterward just to relax some more. When I finished and got up, I noticed that my vision in my right eye was distorted. It was like there was a pool of water over my eyes and it seemed to move, or creep across my eye when I tried to look around. It made looking at things very difficult.
This is a flag to me as it has happened many times before. It is a type of halo and a precursor to a migraine.
I went about my normal activities - getting supper ready and preparing to pick up my kids. The halo slowly faded. I knew that it would last about 30 minutes and then I would get a headache. I never know if the headache will be bad or not. This headache, turns out, was not that bad - bearable even.
By the time we were sitting down to dinner there were other symptoms presenting themselves. I found that noises bothered me, they made me irritable. I wanted all of them gone. My daughter was in a great mood, talking up a storm. It was hard to listen to her, but I did, and answered her questions, which were numerous. Unfortunately, I began to not be able to remember words and whole sentences I was about to say. I would start talking and then it would be gone from my mind and I would not be able to find it. I also felt confused and disoriented at the same time. This in turn made me mad. This happened so much and it took me so long to finish sentences that my daughter would just fill them in for me. I eventually stopped talking. I hurriedly cleaned up the kitchen and got ready for bed.
I took a Tylenol (that's all I can take) and went to bed to read my book. The pain was gone and reading was not hard to do. I fell asleep and slept hard. This morning the headache was still there, though barely. Now that I am at work, it is getting worse.
Aphasia
Migraines such as this are concerning, not only to me but also to doctors. They could mean something worse is going on - high blood pressure, stroke, brain tumors, etc. I have had these kinds of migraines in the past, when on birth control after the birth of my son. I had to stop taking them. When I did, the migraines vanished, never to return until now. At that time, the speech issues got so bad that when I would try to speak, nonsense would come out of my mouth. Talk about terrifying!
They call speech issues such as mine aphasia. When I looked up the kind I have experienced it is associated with the part of the brain known as Broca's area. There was a long list of the causes of aphasia such as mine and I did not like what I saw. Brain tumor was on the list. Not long ago, when I was looking into my own future, I saw two illnesses for myself - the flu and, you guessed it, brain tumor. So, reading that a brain tumor could cause my speech problems really upset me. I already had the flu, am still getting over it. And now this?
Called the Doctor
Of course I am likely jumping to conclusions and what I am experiencing is only a migraine, a really weird one, too. I called my doctor's nurse and left a message. She said they will call me back. We will see if I have to go in and get checked out. Since I had pre-eclampsia with my daughter which included severely high blood pressure, they will likely want to investigate. I don't currently have insurance, so I worry they will want a CT or MRI. I can't afford that.
Most of all, though, I am hoping they will ask me not to go to work or ask me to go part-time. This will help me so much with my stress right now, which is a huge trigger for my migraines. I can get FMLA leave and just be done with this place. It is early, though, and I don't know if we can afford not having the income. But I am so fed up and stressed out that I am thinking it may be the best thing for me right now. Two days of this week so far I have had confrontational incidents. It is no wonder I have a migraine as a result!
Something's gotta give. I've been saying that a while now. And last night, when I felt the migraine and had the scary speech issues I felt that something was really wrong with me. I still feel that way. It could be physical, mental, emotional or maybe all three. I believe that when we push ourselves too far emotionally or mentally that our physical bodies begin to show stress. I think that is what is happening. I wanted to so bad to just stay in bed this morning. Then when I walked in the door I wanted to go straight to my bosses office and ask to be let out of my contract. I nearly did it, too.
I am reminded of my guide's words. He asked me last summer: "How much is enough?" Maybe I am finding that out.
Comments
Ugh I am so sorry you are going through this. Migraines are awful enough on their own but to struggle to speak clearly too sounds so hard. I have been told I have a bit of expressive aphasia as well just by nature. Mostly only when I'm nervous and trying to speak too fast but it's embarrassing.
But a tumor?? That is frightening. Especially that you've had a vision of it. I hope for you and your children's sake it is a false alarm, just a migraine that comes with pregnancy and that is how you manifest it, with aphasia.
Working less with two kids while pregnant? Sounds healthy to me! Hope that works out for you. I will be thinking of you, take care.