Living Life in Between

It has been a busy past few days. Not only was there Christmas and family from out of town but I also started auditing. I wasn't home long enough to do anything except eat and sleep. So today I am going to try and recount what occurred with my auditing and in my life. Auditing I finished up day three of auditing. I am not sure how much more I have to do to complete this cycle but I am sure it will be sometime next week. The first thing I had to do was address my past illnesses, and I had a lot of them, especially this past year. I did this pretty quickly since I had already considered the illnesses and why they were occurring. I identified my work environment and my home environment as the main causes. Then I began the main focus of my auditing which is clearing up harmful things which I had done to other people. This is known as a confessional. It is meant to help clear up the emotions associated with the harmful acts and free you from continued harm caused by them. These ha...

I meant to write yesterday but with the holidays I have found that time is scarce around here. I really wanted to write, too, since I had such vivid dreams. Ozone Depletion and Food Shortages The first thing I remember of my dream sequence the night before last was a very vivid image of a map of the world. The globe/map was spinning in front of me as a man spoke to me. I saw a yellow cloud of color covering parts of the Earth. Not all parts were covered. It seemed the middle latitudes were covered the most, though the yellow color extended to the poles in some regions and there were holes throughout. My understanding was that the yellow regions indicated areas of concern. I don't remember the words the man spoke to me but the essence of what he said came through to me in knowingness. This map of the Earth was showing me something very important: the ozone layer amongst other things. It was a future warning of things to come and the man speaking to me was not alone. There we...

This post is a day late but I had too much to do yesterday and couldn't find time to post. So, yesterday morning I awoke at 5am and could not go back to sleep. I was thinking of my sister, as so often happens when I have time to myself, and it got me irritated and upset (as usual). I remembering thinking to myself, "I have got to stop thinking about this all the time!" and had the intent to stop it, but was not sure how. The thoughts creep in and overpower me and I get wrapped up in my emotions. My guide, John I assume though I didn't ask, suggested, "Think about a happy place" and I tried but could not think of one. He then said simple, "Sing". I thought about it and then rejected the idea, not feeling an urge to sing or any spirit within to do so. Astral Singing I must have fallen asleep within moments of the suggestion to sing because I do not remember any further discussion. Then next thing I was aware of was singing. And this was not y...

The 18th turned into a real doozy. At the end of the work day yesterday I was waiting to go home when I heard two coworkers talking in the next room. Their voices were pretty loud so I couldn't help but overhear what they were talking about. Me. The one coworker was venting about the earlier incident where I had refused to work in a dangerous situation. She was called in to take my place so felt very inconvenienced. She was questioning why I was getting special treatment. She then was complaining about where I was suppose to be and some other things. What she said was not overly hurtful until she got to the end. I listened and my heart sank into my stomach. Not from anger but from disappointment. I thought she could be trusted and never figured her to talk about me or anyone else like that. I knew, also, that I needed to confront her before leaving work. If I didn't then I would not sleep and the issue would remain unresolved, hanging over my head through the next coupl...

I've been really emotional the last couple of days. Last night I cried a couple of times from just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. This morning I cried from feeling the same because of an issue at work. I have this happen every pregnancy. It comes in waves. I always hate it because I can't seem to control the tears no matter how hard I try and any negative situation or letdown seems to trigger an emotional breakdown. It doesn't help that the last couple of nights I have had trouble falling asleep. It is like my body isn't tired like it use to be. It took me over 2 hours to fall asleep last night. I just laid awake looking at the wall and not thinking very much with baby kicking away in my tummy. I tried to feel a connection with the baby, but I can't seem to connect. I wondered about this. With my other two I knew their personalities before they were born. I accurately predicted my daughter's feminine disposition - how she loves to wear dresses, go shopp...

That is all I am asking for. Just one chance to prove that I can do the job I was educated to do. Just.one.chance. Is that too much to ask? I ran into a coworker within a few minutes of arriving at work. His face was all lit up and he was very excited to tell me the news. He had an interview for a position I also applied for and he has high hopes of getting it. He probably will. He wants out of here as much as I do but he is doubly qualified and he is male. That seems to be the winner from what I can tell, at least where I work. The sad thing is that I never even got a call for an interview for that position. I didn't even know they had called the other applicants for interviews yet. It really hit me hard. I congratulated him and wished him luck but as I walked away I was really discouraged. What am I doing wrong? Am I so horrible that no one wants to even give me a chance? Just moments later another coworker approached me asking me about my last interview from two weeks ag...

Another death in the family. Unfortunately, I foretold it. I was not giving a reading or trying to "see" anyone's upcoming demise, I just knew it. It came into my mind and I said it. It happens sometimes. My husband's boss and best friend died back in October. I already wrote about it and the issues that came with it. Well, the boss's wife had cancer. We had not been told much about it, but I knew it was terminal. It was in her bones and spreading. That isn't a good sign. When my husband and I were talking about plans for Christmas he mentioned spending the day at his boss's house. He was concerned because the wife was ill and so he didn't know if it would be appropriate. I told him, "It won't matter. She won't make it 'til Christmas". He said, "You think so?" I said, "I know so". My husband has long learned not to tell others about my predictions. It upsets them and then upsets him and then he upsets me....

Angry I feel angry today. I am angry about most everything. The fact that I did not get a call about that job I just interviewed for (I knew I wouldn't though). Angry that my coworkers are happy and friends with one another and purposefully seem to exclude me. Angry that I am not getting what I want out of life. Angry that I don't see much positive in my future. Just angry. It started out as wanting to go back to sleep. I slept so well and had vivid, interesting dreams (not going to go into those today). When the alarm went off I didn't want to get out of bed. It felt so good laying there in my dreamy-eyed state. Eventually I got up because, well, I had to. Work. I resented having to wake up. I was fine until I realized that I was late for work. My husband had gone out to deliver a piece of mail that had been left at our house mistakenly. The post office keeps doing this. They don't know one house from the other I guess and keep delivering my cousin and sister...

I had such a realistic dream last night that I feel it has to be included in my blog. White Peach In my dream I was with a group of people who were gathered in a place that resembled a resort area. There were very elaborate buildings that were tan and silver; very modern in appearance. This part of the dream felt very futuristic because of the way the buildings and scenery looked. Between the buildings were ornate gardens that were well manicured and had large concrete fountains and walkways. I remember standing near a fountain with a group of people. We were assembled to discuss the current problem we were facing as a group. There had been some kind of disaster, the result of which was that we were running on generated power. The generator, however, was not functioning normally and could go out at any time. The discussion was how to find another source of power so that we could continue with our daily routine as best we could. The feeling was that we were struggling, though, a...

I awoke this morning from yet another dream about my deceased pet, Trooper. I was in a big white truck with a white trailer. My husband was driving and we were carrying a load of things - food, furniture, etc. At some point my husband needed to crawl to the back and get something. I had to quickly take over the wheel and control of the truck. My daughter was next to me. As I drove I had to slow down because the road was littered with tiny, miniature houses. Houses like dollhouses. Tiny and perfect in every way.  They were white with Terracotta roofs. I slowed down and drove over them, careful not to crush them. I miscalculated, though, and swerved at the last minute knocking the truck and trailer on its side. I crawled out. The trailer bed was bare. There was a woman, a mother, and I scolded her about letting her son play in the road. I told her how dangerous it was and urged her to stop letting him play there. At this time there were two dogs. One was my mom's dog and the othe...

It's been a stressful and enlightening last few days. The last time I wrote I presented my idea about selling my house and moving on with things so that I did not feel "stuck". The idea was embraced by my husband and he has set the ball rolling on it. However, our realtor recommended that we delay looking for a house until after the sale of our house. This bothered me in that I worry we will not have a place to live in between selling and buying. He also was concerned that we wanted too much for our house. To the idea of renting our house, he suggested we not rent it because it rental income would still show as us owning a home and so we would be getting a second mortgage which means higher interest and other backaches. Despite this discouraging information, my husband and I are still set on putting our house on the market. We may not get it on the market this year, though, which is fine with me. More Discouraging News The day after deciding to sell the house earl...

Freedom. It's a wonderful feeling. The definition of freedom that I am referring to in this instance is: "the power to determine action without restraint" (www.dictionary.com). In my case, I was restraining myself with my own considerations, limitations and beliefs. What freedom I lack in my life is almost always a result of restraining myself. Unfortunately, it is this type of restraint that is the hardest to detect. It is natural to consider external causes of restraint, not to easy to consider internal ones. Today I am feeling lighter, freer. I awoke feeling hopeful about my day. I awoke feeling free of the yoke of my job, ever heavy on my shoulders. Now it is not so heavy because I know that soon, very soon, I will be free of it. The negativity, the repetition, the dreariness of my day in and day out high paying yet unsatisfying day job. I recognize that I do not have to stay in this state of unhappiness. I have a choice. I have power. I can decide what I wa...