Living Life in Between

"I am you ". Today the words Steven has said to me from the beginning finally make more sense.  When I first heard them I thought they were confirmation that I had lost my mind. Eventually when I heard them I began to wonder what they meant. This was what I thought it meant only a few weeks ago: Our guides are us, just the us that knows and remembers. They are a part of ourselves, or our energy (we are huge!) that is there to help us remember our path so we stay on it, etc. Think about it this way: when you play a game such as Monopoly or chess, you have a game piece that you move around and about the board. Well, our body is the game piece but a very sophisticated one - one that can rationalize and reason, remember and feel, etc. So, our body is the game piece and to make it more interesting we picked a body that was 1. alive or a biological being and 2. has reactive responses to life such as fear, anger, etc. These emotions are actually not something we as spi...

I never felt any different from anyone else growing up. I was a normal little girl with a vivid imagination and the normal family issues. I was afraid of the dark and often had vivid dreams but nothing out of the ordinary, really. So I have often wondered about my abilities. Did I use to see spirit and just not remember? Was the ability always there and, somehow, over time, it got explained away as "imagination" or "not real"? That is what I have been told - that all children are born with the gift of "sight" and over time they are told by adults, who cannot see spirit as a child can, that it is the child's imagination. Over time, the child doubts what they see to the point that they don't see it anymore. Eventually, they are completely shut off from the world of spirit to where it only shows itself in their dreams and in odd occasions of deja vu and instances of shared thoughts. I remember some instances in my youth where my vivid imagination ...

I had a day to myself today so I did my best to enjoy it even though it is 100+ degrees outside. I decided to head to the beauty salon and get some much needed highlights since I have been neglecting myself since having Orren six months ago. As I was sitting in the chair chatting with my hair stylist, Shae, I felt the familiar presence of spirit to my right. He was saying, "Mom" and pointing to Shae. I listened, curious. It has been a long time since spirit has approached me in a public setting, three years or so at least, so I wanted to see what he wanted. He pointed at her again and said, "Mom" and then he pointed to his own eyes and I got a sense that he had cataracts when he passed, either that or they were a very strange, cloudy blue. He had a strong presence and was quite tall, or at least seemed to be. He stood just in front of me, off to my right side and back just slightly. He seemed intent on me saying something to Shae. I didn't want to. I spent t...

You know the feeling, or you should. If you remember what it was like to be a child, then you know the feeling. It wells up from inside you at times and makes you feel like giggling for no reason. It is a feeling of excitement and anticipation, again for what seems like no reason. But there is a reason - life. Life is the reason. Do you remember the feeling? Can you bring it forth any time you want? I couldn't. But I can now. It began when my son was born. I had been warned by Steven that the time would come. I had asked one day, "When will I get back on my spiritual path?" Steven answered me with, "After your son is born". This was a good while before I even considered having two children. I believe that at the time I had just gotten pregnant with my daughter. As I usually do, I put the information on a mental "shelf" at the back of my mind and forgot about it. If I asked the question again, I got the same answer, so I just waited. I knew I would ha...

When people ask me about my gift, "How do you do it? How do you know what you know?", my response is always, "I don' t know, I just do". And for the longest time, I didn't know much about how I did it. I had theories, but nothing really solid that made complete sense to me or felt right. Today, while in session, I realized how I do it. It is not complicated or magical like some might think, which is kind of disappointing to me because I, like most people, like to feel special. It is really very simple and makes perfect sense if you think of people not as bodies but as spiritual beings. As spiritual beings we prefer to communicate without words. We communicate by sending our memories as pictures. These pictures shoot forth very fast, like a movie reel. They have emotion and all the five senses with them. They have conversations and music -  everything. When we are in a body, we do the same thing, but since the human body is a biological being it needs to...

Something amazing happened to me today! While in an auditing session (I am currently getting auditing at the Austin Church of Scientology) I felt some things that I had not felt in several years! It was amazing and at the same time a little overwhelming.  I was following a command by my auditor to "look" at something I wouldn't mind looking at. Simple enough, I thought. So I started looking. As soon as I "looked" I felt energy come up my left leg. I ignored it. It was nothing, I thought. But the feeling remained. I continued to answer the question (in auditing you may answer the same question many times). As I kept looking and stating what I wouldn't mind looking at I felt the urge to look to my left. I felt a familiar energy there, the feeling of love and acceptance I get whenever I connect with my guide. I ignored it because I didn't want it to interfere. But it didn't go away. In fact, it got more pronounced, almost as if someone were standing th...

Not to keep bad dreams away but to help me remember mine! I am having some amazing dreams and I remember them when I first wake up but then, after one of my children screams or my husband tries to cuddle with me, the dream disappears. Long ago I use to have the most amazing, vivid dreams. The adventures I had in my dreams made most people shake their heads in disbelief and still others told me outright they didn't believe me. But to me, they were real and they were my favorite part of my spiritual awakening. At first, my dreams were just dreams. Strange happenings that made no sense but kept me intrigued nonetheless. Then something odd started to happen. I began to have dreams that were so real I swore they weren't dreams at all, but reality. I could taste, feel, hear, smell, see - everything, and then even more. Then the dreams got scary. I started to wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't breathe. Or I would be awakened by someone talking to me or touching ...

Who are you talking to? Have you ever wondered what exactly is going on in your mind during the day? Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself and the chatter that is going on inside your mind?  Mind chatter is almost constant, especially when we are working or doing other mundane tasks.  Our minds are not always on what we are doing.  Sometimes we are a million miles away while other times we are stressed and fixated on a particular issues that has been bothering us. Most people do not even notice their mind chatter. They go throughout their day and barely notice their own thoughts, much less the conversations that are going on between themselves and, well Themselves. But, if we would all take the time to slow down and really listen to what we are thinking, we would be amazed at all that really goes on in our minds every day. Why pay attention to our thoughts? Knowing what you are thinking and why you are thinking it is key to understanding not only who you...

I have come to hate and love those words. Steven said them to me for the first time just days after I met him. When I asked him questions, that was his answer. "You already know". Oh! How those words frustrated me! I did NOT know! I would yell at him (yes, I yell at my guide), "No I don't know or I wouldn't ask you!" In the beginning I would continue asking Steven questions until I got an answer. I would not accept his usual responses - "You already know", "Why do you want to know that?", "I can't answer that" and silence. In all the confusion of hearing voices and seeing and feeling spirit, I was certain that I was special. Steven even told me I was special. He said it often. So, if I am special, then I can use my gifts and my connection with spirit to get answers for me, right? It only made sense. Oh how powerful I felt! Finally I could know what the future held and I could show everyone who ever made me feel small and i...

I hear it again. The insistent knocking at the back of my mind. Not a real knock, mind you, but more of a persistent feeling that there is something that needs to be done and, although I have put it off time and time again, it stays there, lingering as if saying "You know you have to pay attention to me sometime! I'm not going away!" In this case the decision is simple: I need to move and I need to move soon for the welfare of my family and myself. I have known this for a few years now. Three years to be exact. But I am stubborn and a little scared. When I started building the house I am living in now, I was living in Austin and recovering from a very rough few years. I had many failures. So many so that I had hit bottom, or near to the bottom that I had ever been. I still remember sitting on the hill top just yards from my childhood home, tears streaming down my face as I smoked yet another nasty cigarette and felt numb, lost and purposeless. I had told my guide, Ste...

My first experiences with spirit were mostly with my guide. Like most guides, he knew how to approach me without scaring me too badly. Since he has been with me since before birth, he has perfected communication with me. Guides feel different. It is hard to explain, but whenever I sense my guide I recognize his energy. He feels like me, I guess, but with more love and patience than I have for myself. When I sense the guide of another person it is similar - it feels like their energy, only bigger. When another persons' guide communicates with me it is like they reach out from within that person and it is a warm, loving feeling. Almost like they are saying, "Hello and welcome". When I communicate with spirit that has crossed over their energy is very different than that of a guide. It usually comes in swiftly, seemingly out of nowhere. Then I suddenly get pictures in my mind and a feeling of knowing them. Often times I get huge amounts of emotion. I feel floo...

Today my mom's cousin died. I knew something bad was about to happen, too. I hate it when that happens. Last night, after the children were in their beds and I was sitting on my front porch enjoying the night air, I felt a horrible panicky feeling in my chest and I knew something bad was about to happen. It only lasted a few seconds. I actually thought about calling my mom to tell her I felt this way and to check on her because in the past when I have had the feeling something bad has happened right after. Well, like the other times, I didn't call her. I did makes sure that the bad feeling wasn't directly connected to my immediate family, though - me, my husband, my children, my mom and brother. I do this by mentally picturing each person and seeing if the feeling comes with the picture in my mind. No bad feeling returned after I had thought of each of them. Just in case, I even asked my guide, but there was no response. Just a feeling of "It will be okay". A ty...