2 Weeks

I only have two weeks. On July 12th I have to decide if I am going to put in my resignation or risk another contract year in the job that last year made me 1. sick, 2. depressed and 3. near psychotic. See, if I don't put in my letter of resignation, I am bound to the contract I signed for a full year.

And I really don't have two weeks. Next week the offices are closed for the Fourth of July week long holiday. There won't be any interviews scheduled because everyone is on vacation. So, really, I only have one week left to find a new job.

This past week I had two interviews. I got a call on Thursday from the second interview letting me know I was not selected. I was told I was their second choice, that I should not change anything about my interview and told about another job that would soon be opening. When I explained that I only had until the 12th, I was advised to not take that date too seriously. However, the man telling me this does not know my boss.

I was suppose to get a call on Friday about the other interview. I didn't get one. I have already assumed that I did not get the job. Typically, when I get a job I get a call right away with the offer. So, considering the interview was on Tuesday, I know I didn't get that job either. That leaves me 5 failed attempts now to get a job.

I did get a call asking me to complete a video recorded interview. I completed it on Thursday morning. This interview was for my internal transfer request. So, there is hope that I may be hired from within and be able to transfer to a counseling position. 

I have spent the morning again trying to work out our budget so that we can survive on just one income. The problem is that my husband makes base plus bonuses. His base pay is what I do the budget off of and it is not near enough to pay our bills. We do not qualify for assistance because his income with bonuses is typically more than I get paid. We never know when/if he will get a bonus.

I have savings, and IRA and a retirement account. If I use all the money in these accounts I can get the numbers low enough that we can barely make it month to month on my husband's income. I don't like it, though. I don't like not having wiggle room. There won't be savings for emergencies. What if the air conditioning breaks again? What if a car breaks down? I just don't like how the numbers come out. I would really like to keep some savings, just in case.

I did a pro/con list for sanity purposes. That is how my mind works, anyway. I have to see it in front of me, written down.

Some things I don't like about quitting my job are:
1. Too much down time for me - staying home with my son all day will drive me nuts!
2. I won't be able to afford to continue my graduate coursework to obtain my LPC.
3. There will only be one car since we will have to sell our SUV in order to make ends meet.
4. There will be no television since we will have to disconnect DISH to make ends meet.
5. There won't be any money in savings or extra money to put into savings.
6. We will have less money to spend on groceries so less food variety.
7. I will have to cancel my gym membership. 

The PROS to quitting:
1. No negative work environment.
2. Free time to spend with my children/family.
3. Free time to focus on spiritual matters.
4. I can keep my domain name and website and take payments for readings to earn extra cash.

Some PROS to not resigning and staying at my current position:
1. MONEY! We will have extra money now that we can save and/or use as we want.
2. I can pursue my LPC!
3. I won't be going stir crazy stuck at home all day.
4. I can keep my gym membership (working out is my stress relief).
5. I will get a RAISE - total approx $2600/yr. 
6. Potential that I will be able to transfer mid-year to counseling position.
7. Good work hours (7am-3pm).
8. Don't have to move/relocated.
9. Bearable commute distance.
10. Many of the people at work who were negative last year will be gone this year.

CONS to staying at my job:
1. Inept leadership.
2. Negative work environment.
3. High stress if above 2 do not change.
4. Potential to end up in another job slot which requires more work and has same stress.
5. Very little support.

Throughout all the interviews and worries of the last month, I have recognized something that I think is very important: My thoughts are guiding the outcome.

For example, when I went to each interview that I have had, I had thoughts about how I did not feel the jobs were the right for me. My most recent interview, as I sat waiting, I thought, "I don't want to work here". I thought that at every.single.job interview.

Steven has been asking me often, "What do you want?" in regards to my preferred counseling position. I bounce between just wanting any position to get me out of another year like last year, to wanting a specific kind of counseling position. This last time he asked me, I said exactly what I wanted to include where and Steven said, "Okay".

What did I tell Steven? I told him I wanted to be a school counselor at a specific high school that is close to my home (15 minutes away).

As I was typing up my PRO/CON lists, I remembered telling Steven what I wanted. I also remember that in life, I get what I ask for - we all do. The more focused and specific our thoughts concerning what we want, the faster we will get it. Put doubt in there or fear, and you slow down the process.

It took me all month to figure out what exactly I wanted. Thus, delay.

So I guess I have made my decision yet again (I have gone through the PRO/CON process many, many times). I will be staying put and will have faith that the position I asked for will be coming my way. It is likely that this year will not be a repeat of last year because 1. the people I worked with daily who were negative have all left (yay!), 2. I was told I could move out of my negative slot to another position if I wanted.

I will pray that things will be calm and go smoothly until December so I can get my LPC courses out of the way. Hopefully I will find another job mid-year. If not, at least I will have my LPC done before the end of the year.