Empty Auditorium
When I went to bed I was tired but could not sleep. So, I did some self-healing, first focusing on my heart chakra and then on my solar plexus and sacral plexus. I felt the energy moving and sensed a female guide hovering over me on my left, helping me. I asked what I could do to help clear my heart more. Steven said, "Feel". Try as I may, I could not get any emotion to come forward. I felt numb.
I asked to astral but once again got the feeling that it wasn't to be. Part of me feels like I am being punished, but I know that isn't the case. The logical me recognizes the dangers of astral travel. Astral travel isn't really dangerous to most, but for me, the lure of astral, the freedom and comfort it brings, often leaves me in a worse place after I return to my body than before I left it. I typically arrive back into my body with a feeling of upset and anger that I had to return. I then am left with a void inside and a feeling of homesickness. Add that to how I have been feeling in my waking life lately, I don't think going astral would help me in the long run. I often daydream about leaving my body in astral and never returning and then feel guilty for feeling/thinking that way because I know my family needs me. Still, if I had the chance to be free of this body and this place, I think I would struggle to not take it.
My dreams last night were unsettling to say the least.
Empty Auditorium
Most of my dreams were all linked together, seeming like one long dream. However, I can perceive the beginning and end of them. It is as if there is a shift in themes or something. Or maybe I just subconsciously remember the conversations that went along with them.
In this particular dream I was flying over a flooded road. People were driving in lanes on this flooded road. From above I could see them, car-less, their bodies swimming along without movement of arm or legs. It is almost as if they were being pulled by some unseen force to their destination. I could clearly see the divided lanes of the road - two on each side with a concrete median between them. I soon found myself swept along with the other bodies of people. It felt as if I were in a car, but not, and swimming along this flooded road.
I chose to pull over into the turning lane and go to Wal-Mart. I could see the huge, warehouse-looking building to my left but there was no sign on it designating it a Wal-Mart. I just knew it was one. There were people all huddled along the entrance to the place and I had to dodge several to get in. It was whole families sitting there, waiting, as if they were homeless or in transition. There was one family that had a huge blanket covering someone. I had to bump into the blanket/person to get into the parking lot. I vaguely remember a gray or blue blanket and there being someone under it. I also sensed they were sick.
When I got into Wal-Mart it was also flooded. It was dark inside but not so dark I could not see. I looked around and instead of shopping isles and such there were rows of empty seats like a huge auditorium. At the bottom of the seats there was a check-out register with one woman. I went up to it to check out. I had my two children with me. I remember I had nothing to check out. My daughter pointed to a bunch of stuff above the register. Very clearly I could see a brand new baby diaper bag. She said we should get it. I saw it clearly. First it was blue, like the one we have, then it changed to a deep, pink color. I grabbed it, thought twice, and then put it back.
There were people then that I could see near us. They were shadowy and hard to make out, as if lost in the darkness. There were children who had long, tentacle-like legs of various colors. It was like they had on new legs. The lady cashier asked me if I wanted that for my kids. I looked at my children and they eagerly said "Yes!". So I bought three tiny toys that would give tentacle legs. I remember the one for my son was blue. If used correctly it would grow tentacles and the kids could ride them and they would be as if they had new legs. I paused in the dream because I bought three, considering who the third toy was for.
I was awakened from this dream by thunder that shook the house. I remember hearing, "Mediocre script" and I thought back, "Mediocre life". Then I thought to myself, "Mediocre script and mediocre life". I felt I should remember the dream and these words. So I did.
Auditorium - indicates there is something I need to learn from others.
Water - represents subconscious. In this dream the water seemed muddy at times and at other times clear.
Muddy water - represents wallowing in one's negative emotions or letting one's emotions get the better of them.
Slow-moving freeway (road) - the road represents one's path, to have a congested or slow road indicates frustrations or obstacles that are getting in the way of one's goal.
Baby diaper bag -I believe this symbol indicate my desire to have another baby. Not choosing to buy it indicates my hesitation/rejection to have another baby.
Mediocre - ordinary, not of good quality.
Car Wreck School
The next dream I had came quickly after I went back to sleep. In this dream I was in an elementary school as a teacher. I recall being in a classroom and hearing news about my husband via the telephone. He had been in a car accident. The specifics of it were that he had been out at 1a.m. and stopped at someone's house. There, he had been mistaken for someone else and four men attacked him and crushed his car, beating the hood in and damaging it beyond repair. I recall seeing in my mind the attack and how he had been in a seat belt and it would not disengage. Strangely, the seat belt was not only connected at the seat but under the passenger seat. This was the part that would not disengage and was why he could not escape.
I remember going to another classroom to visit my husband. He was in a hospital bed and talking and the room looked more like a hospital room than a classroom. As I spoke to him, I remember feeling I needed to return to my class, that I was late, but I didn't go. As he lay there I recall seeing a cage around his body. It had not been there initially. I remember knowing that the cage was to keep him from falling out of the bed and further hurting himself.
Car accident - Symbolic of one's emotional state. It could indicate deep anxiety or fear. Indicates the need to rethink or re-plan your course of action and put yourself on a better path. To see others affected by the car wreck suggests an effect upon others in your life.
School - to be in a school could indicate anxiety or inadequacy but could also indicate life lessons.
Teacher - indicates one is playing to role of teacher in life. In this dream I ignored my role as teacher to help my husband.
Illness/sickness - to dream another in your life is sick designates periods of difficulty in life. It can also mean to stop feeling sorry for ones self.
Angel number 1 (1a.m.) - new beginnings, opportunities, taking up challenges with faith and trust.
Idea
I eventually pulled myself out of bed. My husband and children had gone to Home Depot to get insulation and a blower to remedy the lack of insulation in our attic, so I knew I needed to get up. I didn't have much time to think over my dreams, the messages I received and the feelings that went with them. I needed to sort it all out for my own sanity or it would bug me all day. I knew my husband would be needing my help with the insulation blower soon, too.
As I made breakfast, I kept mulling over my dream. The follow is an estimation of my thoughts:
Why had I suddenly recalled that I had not included my annuity in the numbers yesterday?
Why did I have such a strong recall of my particular thoughts and feelings at the worst point of the negativity from my job? Was it to remind me just how bad it was? Had I forgotten so much?
If I add the annuity to the numbers, the budget is not so bad, but still it is not ideal. Then I thought of other jobs I might like. I could work at a daycare. Working at a daycare seemed like the best because then I could take my son with me and not have to pay for childcare. But I bet they only get $9/hour. Then I would have to keep my car. I bet that wouldn't work either.
Then I had an idea out of nowhere: My husband could ask for a raise. He could ask to sign that contract they asked him to sign last year but refused. That contract took out bonuses and gave him a higher monthly salary. I don't remember the exact amount he would get monthly, but I believe it is more than what we would need. He would be resistant to doing it though, but I bet he would if I agreed to move. It was worth a try.
If I could get him to consider changing his contract so that we had more monthly income, our monthly budget wouldn't have to be so limiting. I could quit without worry. I could be free!!!
As I sit here celebrating this new idea that seemingly came out of nowhere, I wonder: Did the idea come out of nowhere? Did my dreams somehow pass on a message to my subconscious? It is odd that my dreams completely disagreed with my thoughts and feelings upon waking. How does a dream about Wal-Mart result in the message "Mediocre script, mediocre life"? And how does a dream about car accidents and schools result in a brand new idea and a rekindling of negative past feelings and thoughts?
It is all a mystery to me. Regardless, I have a new idea and I can work with that idea. Just because I resign doesn't mean that I can't find a new job somewhere else, either. It just means the end of that hell, that negative, unsupportive place that sought to snuff out my light and almost did.
I can't help but hear in the back of my mind: How much more are you willing to take?
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