Frog's Legs
Around supper time I began to feel an odd feeling. It was subtle at first but I noticed it. I felt as if I needed to tune in to my guides, but I was too busy to do so at the time so I shrugged it off. I am familiar with the feeling. It usually indicates that I needed to meditate; that there is a message I need to receive. The feeling that came was an urgent feeling but also a feeling like I was being "called Home". I recognized it as a feeling of being called Home anyway. What I mean by "called Home" is that it felt like I was being told to be prepared to leave my body, as in death. So it was an unsettling feeling to say the least and definitely had urgency to it.
I turned on a movie as I was preparing for bed because the kids were restless and wanted to spend time with me. As I watched the movie, I began to take more notice of the feeling I was getting. I tried to ignore it, but the feeling continued and I began receiving messages without really being focused on receiving them. It was as if the messages came naturally into my mind as my own thoughts. I almost didn't notice them except that I began thinking that I didn't have much time left in this life and that I needed to consider the choices I was about to make in life. The question Steven asked me months ago and has asked me before came into my mind: "What if you only had ten years left to live?" With this thought/feeling came a memory of what I had predicted for myself the night before last. I had predicted the flu. My husband came down with the flu the very next day! I had also predicted a brain tumor. Was I going to get a brain tumor? Or was it that I was connecting to Spirit as my husband's uncle had recently died of a brain tumor? So in my mind I was considering the accuracy of the flu prediction and so wondering about the accuracy of the brain tumor prediction.
I continued to get thoughts that made me feel as if my time was running out. I have had these thoughts/warnings before. I am a bit tired of it.
I put the kids to bed thinking of this and deciding to meditate before bed. Well, that didn't quite happen. My husband was still very hot with fever so I decided to give him healing. After that, I gave myself healing and had a short conversation with Steven. I asked him, "Why do you keep telling me I don't have much time left?" His response: "To help you". I kept feeling as if I would need to consider my job options carefully and
I ended up not sleeping much last night. I think it was 3am before I finally got some sleep. The dreams I had were odd as well. I remember being in school again, as the student. I don't remember the details now, but the feeling of it was that the assignments I was doing didn't matter.
The next dream I remember was of being with my Mom and two sisters. We were planning a trip to the UK. I recall forgetting to pack my makeup and then being okay with that. We were in a hotel and getting ready to go to the airport. I remember sitting down to eat. My Mom had made a pasta with strange strips of meat. It was frog's legs. Yuck. I looked at the dinner and took the frog's legs out of it. They were cold and I could see the toes. I wouldn't eat it. My older sister did eat hers. I remember thinking it was nasty and I wouldn't eat it for anything. The visual of the pale, thinly sliced frog's legs is still vivid in my mind. It completely grossed me out!
Next, I remember being at the airport in the UK and looking for the bus we were going to take. I saw a school bus but knew we needed to get on the charter bus. I was talking to someone at this time and said, "No, not that bus. That bus!" pointing to a charter bus. I got on the bus and kept looking for my family members. My Mom was the only one I could keep track of and I saw her seat on the bus, but she was behind me and I couldn't sit with her right away. As we got to driving around the UK, I continued to find myself separated from my family members. At one point, after we got off the bus, my Mom was in front of me and my two sisters lagged far behind. I finally gave up on my sisters when an old woman started walking past me and caught up with my Mom. I remember seeing her place set at a table. She was set apart from the others on the tour and I went to join her, but never actually sat down with her.
When I woke up I was grumpy, thinking of the courses that I was signed up to take to get my LPC. I thought, "What's the point?" as I considered Steven's warning of me not having much time left. I just didn't feel compelled to take anymore classes. In fact, I dreaded it. Then I considered again what I would do if I only had ten more years of life left but I couldn't think straight. Why is it so hard to decide what to do?
I wanted badly to go back to sleep, but couldn't. My husband was up, happy and obviously feeling better. He told me he no longer had a fever. I was happy for him, but still felt overshadowed by the feeling I had last night. It was very strong. I literally felt like I was being warned that my time of death was fast approaching. I was mad about this, and said to Steven, "Are you trying to scare me?" He replied, "You're not scared". He was/is right. I'm not scared. I looked forward to it. I felt/feel selfish for feeling this way. I again asked why he was giving me this kind of information. He said, "To help you Live".
Ultimately, I decided that until there is proof that I have only ten years left of life, that I will continue with my life as is. I will take more time to enjoy the people in my life, to show my love and appreciation for them and to live in the moment. If I get sick, get a brain tumor or just die unexpectedly, I at least will be able to say that I spent my life Living.
So why don' t I feel better?
I hear at the back of my mind, "Tick, tock; Tick tock".
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