Living Life in Between

"Think about your life". This has been Steven's message to me every time I have a moment alone with my thoughts. It is a bit of a surprise to hear such a message since most of the time I feel like I need to stop thinking so much about my life. lol Along with the message comes a feeling that is hard to describe except to say that it feels like I am running out of time. The feeling reminds me of a question Steven asked me about a year ago. He asked, "What if I told you you only have ten years left to live? What would you do?" Now it could have just been a question, but very rarely is any question Steven asks just a question.There is usually a reason for it. Never did Steven say I only had ten years left to live, BUT he definitely got me to thinking: What if I only have ten years? What would I do differently? Think about your life.  In reality, there really wasn't all that much I would change - nothing big like career or living location, anyway. No, wh...

Well, he wasn't really gone, just took a step back. I figured as much. He is my Primary Guide, or as he likes to call himself, my Companion Traveler. :) A friend of mine drew a spirit portrait of Steven for me. I thought it turned out pretty well. Steven has come to me in many forms. The first time I saw him he was high up and HUGE. The white light around him was extremely bright and his presence was overwhelming. I felt very humbled by him and somewhat ashamed, as if I were being judged or something. I can't quite explain the feeling. I don't recall what exactly he looked like, but I remember seeing a large cowboy hat and thinking how odd it was that he was a cowboy. The next time I saw him was during meditation. I must have gone astral and not realized it. I remember seeing the bare upper body of a man. He came up to me and hugged me tightly. I could feel the warmth of his body and felt very attracted to him at the same time. I felt very, very loved. He was weari...

1860s - California I am a man in California. I was not ugly, but I was rough and hard, my face wrinkled from hours in the sun and on the trail. I had light to medium brown hair, which had been blond in my youth, and I had a mustache and beard. My eyes were light, green I think. My body was thin and muscular but I did have a small belly. I didn't always live in California, I move there from the eastern US because of a job. I was in law enforcement and the gold rush had brought disorder to California. I mainly stayed in San Francisco, but my job took me all over the territory. I remember that I had a wife, but she refused to move west with me. I remember that she was  very beautiful and frail with long black hair and porcelain skin. Since we lived so far apart, letters were our only contact. In those times I grew very listless and depressed. I found myself going against my marriage vows and spending the nights with prostitutes and whores. I had tried to resist the urge but had ...

460AD I am a man. I can barely see and am dizzy. I am very hungry and thirsty. I can see a sandy color all around me and an open window to my left. I can see the blue sky outside. The ground is also sandy colored and I can feel that it is dirt. When I look down at myself I see my ankles are cuffed and chained to the ground. I want to die and try to close my eyes. I hear a man's voice above me shout, "You can't die yet" and feel a pain in the side of my head. The dizziness returns and I black out. 1610AD I recalled this life in hypnosis. I am a young woman in France, probably around the age of 19. I have dark hair and am about 5 feet tall. I am very thin and fairly attractive. I am married to a Duke or someone of royal ties. He is much older than me and I consider him very unattractive. He has dark hair and is very tall and slender. His nose is very pronounced.  I resent the fact that I am married to my husband. It was an arranged marriage by my parents. I beli...

80AD I have recalled pieces of this life at least six times since my first memory of it. This account will be of that first memory. It was spontaneous and came to me in meditation quite unexpectedly. At first I saw myself. I was a small child. I was maybe six or seven years old with long brown hair. The image I got in my mind looked like that of a wild child. I was wearing animal skin-type clothing that was short sleeved and dirty with holes and worn spots in it. My hair was long and knotted like it had never seen a comb. My face was dirty and I looked like I had been crying. I asked the questions where and when. I got Romania and the year 80AD. As I looked more closely at the life I saw where I was standing. Around me I saw small fires smoldering. It looked like they were the remains of houses. I could see bodies of men, women and children lying here and there. They had been brutally killed. Most had bloody heads and some had no head at all. The emotion with the scene was on...

I have remembered many past lives in my quest for knowledge. Some came about spontaneously, while others were found during auditing sessions. I even found one during a hypnosis session. Lately I have wanted to write down all my past lives in order from my very first memory to my most recent. I am going to limit the lives on the time line to my Earth lives because I have remembered lives where I was most obviously not on Earth and feel those dates/times will only confuse the time line. For the first part of the time line I am going to start with those lives I have remembered that are the farthest back, so those during BCE (Before Current Era or Before Christian Era) or the years before Christ's birth. BCE is the opposite from AD (meaning Anno Domini or In the year of the Lord ) when it comes to how the dating works. Instead of the years counting up from 1 like they do in AD time lines, the years actually count down from as far back in the past as the time the of man's fir...

As I was reading an article about a baby girl that was abducted from her home in Missouri at the beginning of the month, I got some vivid images and information. This hasn't happened to me very often, and only one other time has it been so vivid. I first saw a tree. It was tall enough that I would have to look up to see the foliage. I then knew the baby girl was under the tree. I got a strong emotional sensation that emanated from the pit of my stomach. This is a gut reaction I will often get when I know I am connected with spirit. I felt sad and anxious at the same time. The feeling continued and I could not avoid the images that came next. I saw more of the scenery. The tree had other trees around it. I saw a very old wooden fence that had holes in it and looked rotten. I saw weathered boards on the ground under the trees and a shed on my left with a cracked or broken window. All looked very old and rotten, as if abandoned by whomever owned it. I also saw some overgrown shrub...

My new guides have been challenging me in a familiar way. Their words are easily drowned out by my daily routine but they still get through. They are masters of getting messages through to even the deafest of us! In the beginning of the week my husband left for a business trip that took him to the Northwestern region of the country - Washington state. He was gone for four days and three nights. I was not very happy about it. I have difficulty handling life at home without his help. I had to do it, though, and so I just got over the disappointment, determined to get through it unscathed. Surprisingly enough, the days and nights went by without incident. I felt calmer than normal when I was home and more at ease. It was a nice reprieve - not at all what I expected. With more time to be alone in the evenings and less stress at home to preoccupy me, I noticed my thoughts being interrupted more often than usual. The interesting thing about this is that the types of things being said to ...

I decided to go to a local spiritual seeker group meeting yesterday. I had a feeling that it would be similar to a past group I was part of but I went anyway to meet the people and see for myself. I would rate my experience as three out of five stars. In other words, mediocre at best. The dynamics of the group were interesting. There seemed to be no set leader. Myself being one who tends to take the lead when there is no obvious leader, found that there was one other person in the group who, like myself, tended to take the lead when it was their time to speak. There was also general disagreement on the topic. The topic was spirit guides. Each person had their own idea of what a spirit guide was based upon their experience but no there was no general consensus one what a guide was. Me and two others in the group all had very different ideas on what one was. I kept my opinion to myself for the most part and spent much of the meeting observing the dynamics of the group and the personali...

The feeling I am talking about is the excited-for-no-reason feeling. It came back earlier this week after being gone or maybe just unnoticeable for a few weeks. I am sure it was there all along but with going back to work and the stresses related to that, I haven't had time to notice it. This time the feeling has been accompanied by a feeling of dread. Not a really negative feeling really, but more of a "oh no!" feeling sorta like anticipation or maybe fear. It is hard to explain. Along with the recognition of these feeling I got the thought that maybe the changes coming into my life are a bit scary but good overall. I had an unexpected reading this last week by a friend of mine. She gave me a message from one of my guides. This is a female guide who I noticed around me about two weeks ago. She doesn't say much but I get a visual of her - tall, thin with thick blonde hair to her shoulders. She seems very wise and older than most of my guides seem, more like in her...

Last night I heard a female guide to my left. I even got a glimpse of blonde hair. I didn't pay much attention other than to notice she was there and to hear her comment. I was feeling very blessed last night and thinking, "I am very blessed" and she said, "You have a good life" and nodded. I agreed and went on to enjoy the evening think about how wonderful of a life I have. For me to be in such a calm state is odd considering how hectic this week and last week have been. I don't know if Mercury is in retrograde or if I am just going through a transition period, but I have been very moody and negative about my life lately. It has been causing me to reevaluate everything and think about what it is that I would like to do next. Problem is, I am not really sure and even if I were, most of the things would be difficult to near impossible with two young children running around. I realized that I have really gotten everything I want in life when I have asked f...

My new guide seems to be all around me, but I am noticing that I turn to my left instead of my right now. Steven seems to be gone, but maybe he isn't. Maybe he is just gone for the time being. I keep remembering a night when I was sitting on my front porch taking in the evening silence. Out of the blue Steven said to me, "You will get a new guide soon". I looked to see if there was a guide there, but only felt a presence on my left and did not try to get to know who was there. The presence on my left disappeared soon after anyway, so I soon forgot about it. I paid little heed to what Steven told me. I have been told before about new guides. I figured this was no different. Steven was always there when the other guides came to help, so I didn't worry about him leaving. He has always been there when I look for him. Besides, I try not to put too much importance on who my guides are or where they are. I have noticed they switch quite frequently. Some I take time to ge...

I can't find Steven. Two nights ago I was outside sitting and taking in the cool breezes and silence and pondering over a strange feeling I have been having this week when I heard a voice say to me, "You are safe". The voice seemed to be coming from my left at first but when I focused on it more, it really just seemed to come from all around me. I was a bit worried because I thought it was a spirit just coming by to say hi and in the evenings I really prefer to have only my guides around me, it makes it simpler and less distracting. So I did as I usually do when I feel there may be more spirit around than I am comfortable with and said, "Only my guides and angels around me at this time". It always woks to say that. I again heard, "You are safe". The feeling I have been having this week - a feeling that something is different and changing around me in the world or perhaps even closer to home - had me on edge as it was, and now hearing this new voice...

I have spent most of the last nine years since my spiritual awakening trying to figure out if what I experience is real. I do this by asking others with similar gifts what their experiences are and tell them my own in hopes that they will recognize and validate my experiences. Problem is, when I tell them what I have experienced they will look  at me as if they are thinking, "You made that up". It has been difficult for me to find anyone who has had similar experiences to mine to the extent that they developed their abilities seemingly spontaneously with the help of their guide. It is even harder to find anyone with a close relationship with their guide. Either I find people who have nothing close to what I have or I find people who have completely lost touch with reality. I m beginning to think that maybe I will never find someone like me. The woman who emailed me a couple of days ago about needing help with her spiritual awaking (the one who lives in the same town as me...

I woke up this morning feeling odd. I recognized the feeling. It is the feeling that says, "Pay attention!" This time it was not really strong, just slightly there, but I felt it. When I focused upon it a bit more I could not tell if it was good or bad. Steven said, "It will be okay" like he normally does and I soon lost interest in the feeling. It wasn't strong enough to really warrant an all-out panic. The day went smooth without much incident. For me, working in a juvenile detention facility all day, this is something to celebrate. Each day without incident is one to smile about! When I got home I decided to check my email because my house was way too hot for me to start my normal exercise routine of step aerobics and weights.  I turned down the A/C and checked my email. Usually I get nothing but Facebook updates and other spam, but today I got two emails. One was asking for a mediumship reading and the other was asking for help on their spiritual awakeni...

Lately I have been really distressed about the state of the world. This happens to me sometimes and comes in phases. I will see the news or run into a particularly bad student at work and it sets me into a tailspin. I think, "This world is going to hell in a hand basket" or "What is the point?" Steven always says, "There is good in the world, too" and I almost always get the feeling that it was planned this way, that for some reason we, as spiritual beings, planned it this way. Yesterday I was reflecting upon my work. I work with students grades 6-12 and ages varying from 11yrs to 17yrs. They only come to me and the building I work in because they have been kicked out of school for one things or another. Sometimes they break the law, other times they have just gotten in trouble too many times. I have students who have never experienced childhood. Their parents either were not there or were too busy to tend to them. Some of my students have children of th...

I started back to work this week and my sleep issues disappeared as suddenly as they appeared. I am sleeping wonderfully. I am also having very vivid dreams. All week I have had these vivid dreams. They have a common theme: change and handling change. Last night's dream had a lot of water in it. Whenever I have dreams with a lot of water in them I know emotion is involved. In my dream last night there was a large pond in my back yard. I remember that the water was receding and then it would surge forward and then recede again. I watched it and even threw a baby toy into it and watched it disappear under the surface. Then the water receded again and I went out to retrieve the toy only to be overcome by the water which forced me to retreat. Strangely enough I was walking on this wooden grid rather than the bottom of a pond and I remember commenting that it was my "bed". It felt at times that I was becoming lucid in the dream because I would go from a dream-like state i...

I hate it when I can't sleep. For at least a week now my sleep cycle has been erratic. The pattern I am seeing right now is that I lay down to sleep because I feel tired. I then feel relaxed but something wakes me up just as I feel like I am drifting off to sleep. Sometimes I see pictures in my mind and it startles me awake. Other times I get interrupted by my kids or my husband (this is infrequent) and still other times I just lay there on the edge of sleep having discussions with myself or maybe with spirit, but I can never remember. Eventually I give up and walk down stairs or go to the bathroom. Sometimes I take an herbal remedy like Valerian root or Magnesium. Lately I have even tried wine, but it does nothing to help me sleep. Usually, after hours of sleeplessness, I get angry and throw something like a pillow and that inevitably leads to me falling into my pillow in tears and frustration. After I cry or get angry I tend to fall asleep quite quickly. It is almost like I nee...