Think About Your Life
Along with the message comes a feeling that is hard to describe except to say that it feels like I am running out of time. The feeling reminds me of a question Steven asked me about a year ago. He asked, "What if I told you you only have ten years left to live? What would you do?" Now it could have just been a question, but very rarely is any question Steven asks just a question.There is usually a reason for it. Never did Steven say I only had ten years left to live, BUT he definitely got me to thinking: What if I only have ten years? What would I do differently?
Think about your life.
In reality, there really wasn't all that much I would change - nothing big like career or living location, anyway. No, what I would change would be me. I would want to control my irrational outbursts, the grumpy and irritated feelings that I will get for no apparent reason that then seem to take over my rational mind and lead me into upset and worry. That is what I want to change. Because, it is that part of me, the part that is irrational and uncontrollable, that creates problems in my life and leads me to make mistakes I will later regret. My main concern in this life is that I raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children who know I love them and who learn from me effective ways to handle life in a body. I don't want them to pick up habits from me that will later control them and what better way to do that than to eradicate those things from my life right now.
I am a bit embarrassed that it has taken a whole year for Steven's message to get through to me. I mean really get through to me. Or maybe it has gotten through in bits and pieces, which is better than not getting through at all. I feel very blessed to have gotten the message at all because there are so many people out there who will go a lifetime before finally taking notice of a message from their guides. :(
I woke this morning recognizing the true value of Steven's message to me. Steven knows my thoughts, therefore, he knows what it is that I want to change most about my life. His job is to take that information and help me do something with it. I have been stalling - letting life run me instead of me running my life. We all do this from time to time, some more than others. It is that feeling that we are running on remote pilot; going through the motions of life without really stopping to think about the significance or lack of significance to our future. So, Steven's message is merely asking me to take back control of my life; to stop running on remote pilot and reevaluate the course I am on, make some minor adjustments and keep my final destination in mind throughout my journey. So many times we lose track of where we are going and get caught up in where we are. It is good to stop every once in a while and evaluate our lives.
In my dream I was talking to my ex-husband who was very upset with me. He said to me, "You left me with all this debt and a huge mortgage payment". I sat and talked with him, giving him solutions to his problems. One was that he just sell his house, because if you don't want a mortgage then you don't have to have one, right? Each solution I offered he rejected, stating instead that it was "my fault" that he was miserable. In our discussion he was using his money issues as a reason not to get auditing. I recognized this in my dream as being odd because I don't think my ex has any clue what auditing is.
When I awoke I knew that my ex-husband represented me. He was the me from the past. The me who stalled in life and waited for life to happen to me rather than take control. The me who was on auto-pilot and had the attitude of "if it is suppose to happen it will". This, of course, is a cop out. Anyone who has the idea that things will happen when they are suppose to is taking a back seat and giving fate control over their life. This is very dangerous. The universe doesn't work that way at all. The universe is reactive and reacts to our thoughts, whatever they may be. If we think, "I don't care" then the universe will give us whatever it is that we think of the most. If we think "I hate myself" all the time or "I hate life" then we will get things from the universe that make us hate ourselves and life and we will continue to get that. So in that sense, leaving life up to "fate" alone can be very dangerous. Of course, one can get lucky, especially if their thoughts are not so negative. But then, I spent years waiting for life to happen to me. It was no fun and rather boring, because the thought that was and tends to be foremost in my head is "keep things as they are", even though that is not want I really want.
I also woke from my dream realizing that I have been making excuses, making up imaginary rules so that I stop myself from progressing to my goal: to be a better me. Usually the obstacle is money, but I have also used time and laziness. But in the back of my mind I know that I need to get moving. I know the only way to better myself that I know works (as I have tried many avenues that dead-ended) is Scientology auditing.
So, when I woke up I had gotten the message loud and clear: stop making excuses and putting obstacles in my path. Get on the phone and get back in the auditing chair and start changing those things about me that I don't like. Stop dilly dallying and get on with it!
Because in the end when I have left this body and am looking back on my life I will regret all the time I wasted.
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