Desensitization
My husband was out of town last night so I thought, "Yes! I can get some sleep!" I put the kids to bed and met resistance from my daughter who kept crying that she wanted me to sleep with her so she wouldn't be alone. I ended up talking to her about "flying" in her dreams and she got interested. I told her she could come visit me in her sleep and we could fly together. That made her happy and she snuggled up with her Fairy Bear and went to sleep.
Once I put my 2yr old to bed I decided to settle down and do a quick healing session on myself since my guides told me that I'm "blocked". This was at 9 p.m. I was feeling unsettled and could not get my thoughts under control. I felt uncentered, too, so I kept trying to relax. When I looked to find my guides, I felt them near but they would not speak. This usually indicates that they are waiting for something to change in me, kind of like a parent who is quiet and observes their child acting up, waiting until the child calms down to intervene.
I do not remember when I dozed off but I remember having a vivid dream where I was shaving my mother's legs (I know, weird!). I had a sense that my mother could not reach her legs and so asked me to help her. Sometime in the middle of this I became aware that I was dreaming. Simultaneously I became aware of pictures behind my eyes and a buzzing in my body. I had awakened on the verge of leaving my body. At the same instant I heard a child laughing and felt a tug on my left astral foot. This woke me up even more and I became fully grounded in my body which was a disappointment. However, I was also elated because I knew that the child laughing and pulling on my foot was my daughter. She had come to visit me like I asked her too!
I was so excited that my daughter had come to visit me in astral that I could not calm down. It took me a good hour to just calm down and I began to get restless. I was physically tired, had been all day! I just wanted to sleep! So I asked my guides to help me sleep.
Then my daughter woke up crying. I went down stairs and took her back to bed. I am not even sure she was completely awake. That was the first night waking out of four. My son woke up three times after that. The wakings did not stop until midnight.
The frustration from not being able to sleep combined with my children's multiple wakings and my physical exhaustion kept me from relaxing. I began mentally yelling at my guide and getting grumpy. I yelled, "What is the point of all this! The only vacation I get from my life is sleep and that is being taken away, too!?" Amidst my internal tantrum I could sense my guide's thoughts and a calmness. Each time I felt/heard him, I felt my body relax and the thoughts dissipate. Then I would fight the calm feeling and again mentally yell and fight, as if trying to push my point home. Each time the thoughts/calm overcame my irritation. I heard/felt the message that sleep would come and that not having sleep was not the problem. I immediately realized the problem was that I have nothing to do at night. That is when I was told the night could be productive. I was then reminded that my solar plexus and heart chakra needed work. I got mad and stubbornly said, "So I am suppose to talk to you, huh?" The lack of response was enough. I recognized he was right. This was one night out of a lifetime of nights. One night of sleep in thousands. He then said, "There will be a time when you have the opposite problem". I thought That would be nice. Then recognized the opposite problem, sleeping too much, would occur because of illness or something simliar. This memory and recognition pushed me out of my irrational state and "tuned" me in to my higher self. From that point on I had a very active night.
After this brief "argument" with myself, I settled down to try and sleep. I took some melatonin to try and relax. It helped, but I had a knowingness that the night was a night of "work". My guide (I really don't think it is Steven which is why I use "guide") encouraged me to relax and try to sleep. He told me it would take a couple of hours to clear my blockages. I didn't know how this was going to be done, but I was finished arguing. I just wanted to sleep. It was midnight.
I somehow drifted into a dream. I don't remember the dream I just remember suddenly being very aware of my body buzzing and my limbs getting stiff and wooden like. I also saw pictures flashing behind my eyes and felt energy pulsating through my body. My heart was pounding and I knew that I had awakened once again on the verge of leaving my body. I forced my eyes open, mentally protesting. "I just want to sleep!" I then rolled over and fell back to sleep.
The exact thing happened as before at least six more times throughout the course of the night. I would go back to sleep and be suddenly lucid in my dream which would immediately pull me back to body awareness. I saw pictures behind my eyes, mostly geometric shapes and patterns that moved and intermittent pictures of windows to other worlds that would disappear as soon as I would focus on them. Each time I forced my eyes open and turned over to go back to sleep. Each time I would sleep for a while and then end up feeling my body almost convulsing with energy. One time I recall "knowing" that this was the "work" my guides told me about. I also felt chakras activating that I did not know existed. One was behind my ear and another was in my leg. This whole time the chakras on either side of my nose were fully activating and buzzing to the point that I felt as if I have an energetic mask over my face (note: the chakras on either side of my nose activate often and have for years, especially when meditating or going to sleep. Sometimes they activate during the day as they are right now). My third eye chakra was also activating at this time.
Most of the dreams I had as I went through all this are lost to me now. However, one is very vivid. In the dream I was in my Mom's house with my two children. They had gotten into her cupbards and pulled out all her dishes. I was cleaning the mess up and scolding them. I remember seeing my daughter and hearing her whines and cries as I ordered her to help me clean up. For some reason my attention went to the front door and I saw what looked like lightening striking the ground. I could see small fires erupting where the lightening hit. I was curious and went to investigate. As I went outside I remember my daughter wanting to go. I sensed danger so told her to stay, even pushing her back and hitting her toe with the door as I shut it.
Outside I saw that the lightening was in fact a ball of light in the sky that moved around as if controlled by someone. I was focused on putting out the fires so ran to find a hose. I turned it on and began spraying the fires. As I sprayed them, the light began to seek me out. It sent its light toward me like a spotlight. I sensed danger again and ran to hide from the light. It followed me. I ran to find a hiding place behind the house and remember thinking, "It's going to kill me!" Something about that thought made me lucid and I thought, "No, the light is good!" At this thought I was aware of my body and behind my eyes was a vibrant white light. I have seen this light before and always get frightened of it even though I know it is a good light. This was no different. The light got dimmer and dimmer and eventually went out.
I then got a message via knowingness that what I was going through was not only to help clear blockages but also a type of desensitization to help me get past my conscious fear of death as I tried to leave my body. Apparently my guides want me to be conscious as I exit. This intrigued me. Why? What is so different about conscious exit versus exiting via my dreams?
While all this was going on, I could feel a huge pressure in my chest area and recognized the activation of my heart chakra. My body was also buzzing and my limbs felt stiff. I wondered how long this would go on? I looked at the clock. It was 2 a.m. I quickly fell back to sleep after that.
I awoke two minutes before my alarm went off knowing that although I didn't get more than a couple hours of sleep, that the frequent wakings and the "work" done were necessary. Apparently in the more than five years that I have been focused on family, career and other mundane things and on a mini "break", my energy centers have become very clogged.
Tonight I hope that I get some rest. I am exhausted.
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