Panicking
Last night I went to bed feeling very tired. Again my right arm started twitching. It is getting very irritating! Somehow I fell asleep, though. I was awakened quite suddenly at around midnight. My stomach was hurting really bad and it woke me up. I could not quite remember my dreams but had flashes in my mind of strange looking beings. When I tried to go back to sleep it took me almost an hour. The full moon was shining brightly through my bedroom window into my face and my arm kept twitching. At some point I fell asleep but felt "off".
When I awoke I remembered my dreams but am not going to go over them at this time. My mind was on how I did not like my job. I could not help but feel irritated by having to go to work. I kept thinking, "I don't have to live like this. I have other options" though not in those exact words.
The whole drive to work I kept thinking about my job and the negativity associated with it. Then I remembered something Steven told me while I was between sleep. I had not remembered it and am unsure why, but the memory suddenly was just there. He had told me "10 days" and I felt like there was death associated with it. At first I thought there was going to be a bombing or something and thought, "Ugh, not again!" Then I reconsidered and thought it odd that 10 days is exactly how many days I have left before summer break, before the end of the school year, which means no more negativity! Perhaps this is "death" in a way. After death there is a time of rebirth, right?
I also remembered being told out of the blue that I would have "two options" coming to me. I was happy to have more than one when I heard it. But then I thought, what if those options are - to keep my current position or leave it and take my chances of having no job? What if the options are the worst possible options that could be?
Panic set in. What if I have to choose between keeping this hellish job or having no job, no income? Am I willing to make that kind of decision? My husband wants me to leave the job no matter what. He is much braver than me. There is absolutely no way I could leave my job and us be able to maintain our way of life, even if I pulled every dime out of savings and paid off debts, we would still be short. I would have to work at least part-time. OR we would have to sell our home and use the profits (if any) to pay off what we can and relocate. My options could be that I stay home with our kids and homeschool or find another job.
Another message from Steven keeps coming up, "How much more are you willing to put up with?" and "Listen".
A song came over my radio that also seemed to shout a message The song is by Vicci Martinez called "Come Along". The message was to seize the day, that time flies and that one must take a stand and not waste time. It seemed like at one point my guide was talking to me through the song, specifically the chorus section that says, "Come along with me, come along and you'll see what it's like to be free". This is the song with lyrics if you are interested in listening: Come Along.
I also was reminded of a feeling I had. It was a feeling of knowing that this life is one in many and that learning comes quickest when one takes risks. It comes with a feeling of excitement and freedom. The feeling scares me a bit, though. I have children to take care of. There is more at stake than just myself.
All this has me a bit panicked.
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