Merging
"Are you ready to merge, now?", he asked.
I was taken aback. "What?"
Then I remembered what I had been thinking about. I had been thinking about Destiny of Souls and the section where Newton talks about how a soul merges with their human body prior to birth. He also discusses how some souls wait until after birth, while most choose to come into the body somewhere around the 3rd or 4th month.
Steven's question threw me. Weren't we already merged?
I knew we were, how else could I have conversations in my mind with myself? lol However, considering that some souls wait to merge after birth, I thought to myself, "Is it possible that some souls might consider merging at other times, past even adolescence?"
"Anything is possible,"Steven replied to my thought.
"But Newton doesn't say anything about merging much later in life. I have never read of such things". I am a bit suspicious.
"Just because you have not read it or it has not been written doesn't mean it isn't so", Steven explained.
I sat pondering this, wondering to myself about the possibility. I concluded that it made sense.
"So will you allow me to merge with you?" Steven asked.
I thought about it. Why not? You're already with me.
"Yes. Okay," I agreed.
Then I got a bit nervous. What if I am not talking to myself? What if Steven is not really my guide like he says? What if this spirit who calls himself Steven has malicious intent?
"Why do you do that?," Steven asked with a hint of disappointment.
"What do you expect considering how I was raised?" I was somewhat surprised that he would ask me that question. In my mind I remembered my mom and her family and their religious indoctrination of me as I was growing up. The fear of Hell, the unknown and the devil, though rationalized as not real, still raises its ugly head. I try to control my fear, but it seeps into my mind and body like some kind of virus.
As if to reassure me, Steven sent soothing energy from my left side that quickly radiated across my entire body. It feels like an energetic hug. I almost always take a deep breath and when I release that breath I feel relaxed and calm.
Pushing the doubt out of my mind, I focused on the feeling coming from within, a feeling of love and support that is always there with Steven.
Then the questions began. What is going to happen? How long is it going to take? Am I going to feel it? Will I go crazy? Will I even notice?
Calmly, Steven reassured me that I would not "go crazy". He explained that I would likely not even notice the difference - it would be slight. He told me, "You will see" and the way he said it was not like "you will see" as in when the future gets here. Instead it is more like I will actually "see". I interpret it as having vision or knowingness, but am not certain. He also told me, "You will hear me".
With those words, I got a memory of a time when Steven spoke to me audibly from within me. I was fully conscious and aware with my eyes open - not asleep or in astral. I had been asking to hear him that way for a long time. I needed confirmation that he was real and astral had not convinced me. It is too easy to write off astral as a "dream", even when you know it isn't. So that evening I was sitting in bed, talking to him as usual and out of the blue I heard him from within my mind. His words were like music, flowing in through my crown chakra like a stream of consciousness. My head felt as if it had been opened up. The fluidity of his voice was like water in the way it felt, but I have never, ever felt anything like it! He spoke in a language I could not understand. It was an old, old language. Strangely, his voice was very high pitched (like Alvin and the Chipmunks). As he spoke and I got past the surprise of the voice within me I burst into laughter and could not stop. Not long after I started to laugh, he stopped talking and it was like the flow was turned off, slowly dissipating and then gone. He was quiet and I was still laughing. I told him he sounded funny. He wasn't amused. I still don't know what he said, but it doesn't matter.
I felt confirmation that I would hear this way again. Interesting. How would I not burst out laughing when/if this happens? lol
I also felt as much as was told that I would likely notice some physical manifestation of this "merging". Maybe the headaches I have been getting are part of it? Maybe the buzzing and tingling sensations I have been getting?
I was also told that I would feel "different". I felt as if this meant that my character would shift. Maybe I will be more calm? Maybe not so quick to judge or make assumptions? As long as I am still me and the different feelings are good ones, then I am okay with it.
I still can't help but wonder why? Why didn't Steven and I merge completely in the beginning? Was it intentional? Was my human mind not ready? Were there lessons that I needed to go through prior to total unification? Was I, or am I, damaged physically in a way that prevented a complete merging?
The only answer I get is that it is all part of the plan and to relax and "go with it".
I was told the merging had already begun. Really? Hmmm
Last night, after this conversation and as I was going to bed, the familiar buzzing mask of energy enveloped my face. Then it did something different. The energy moved to either side of my head, just above my ears. I have never felt energy there before. It was like two tiny vortexes of energy right above my ears, parallel with my eyes. Was this what Steven meant when he said I would likely feel physical manifestations of this merging? I wonder what area of the brain coincides with the places just above the ear?
When I awoke I was very aware of my dreams. I had a dream that I was returning to high school. I have these kinds of dreams often. Sometimes I am in elementary, other times middle school or high school and even college. I interpret this setting to represent a learning environment in my life. Often I feel unprepared as the "student". This dream was no exception. I felt "old" and I was wearing the wrong shoes - flip flops. My first class was track, and I needed running shoes. The teacher told me they would provide me with shoes and appropriate clothing. I also was confused about my schedule and asked another student for help (she was much younger than me but when I looked close she had slight wrinkles). I never ask for help, so this is promising. As I was waiting, I noticed my surroundings. The lobby was circular with a circular desk in the center. The school was small and I felt like I was back in my old high school by the feel, but knew it was not the same place. When I went to gym class (and I had it on my schedule a few times along with music) the students were very receptive to me and I did not feel paranoid like I did in high school. I was calm. I helped them. We were at a landing above a huge river with large limestone formations. It was very pretty but I could hear the roaring of the river below. As I stood there with the students I heard my son crying and looked and saw him go under the water in a small area of water full of rocks. I pulled him out and as I held him against me I could hear him breathe and there was water in his lungs. That woke me up but then I quickly went back to sleep. When I did, I was leaving the school. I thought, "What school is this?" When I looked for the sign, it was right in front of me and it said "Hutto". When I didn't believe it (Hutto is near my home) I then saw the sign change to "Holland" (this is also near my home).
The dream would not leave my mind so I looked for both Hutto and Holland's school websites. Holland did not have a job opening for counselor. However, Hutto had one for an academic advisor. Upon looking at the requirements and salary as well as the distance from my home, I realized it was a viable option.
Could it be that I was being told of an option I should consider? I think it likely.
Perhaps the merging process is a good thing.....
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