All of a Sudden it's Quiet
After last night's dreams (which I discussed in "Timing is Everything") I am left with a sense that I am alone, or at least as alone as I have ever really been. The guide who was helping me, Jed (though sometimes it sounds like Zed so I will call him Jzed) is gone. I can't feel him and I definitely can't hear him. Steven is there, but back some distance. All is quiet in my mind. I am a bit confused as to who I was talking to over the last week or so, but am not going to worry about it. I know now that I talking to all my guides, though most often with Jzed.
When considering the energy of Jzed, if I remember all the conversations I had with my guides, Jzed's personality was flat and very much that of a teacher. Steven can be this way, too, but most often he laughs, smiles and tries to get me to lighten up by making snarky comments or teasing me. Steven is the me who is not so serious about life. He is like the yin to my yang. Jzed caused me to feel solemn and almost instantly compelled me to listen, even when the part of me that argues or gets scared was present. It was as if he had a power over me that made me listen and brought me to attention. Now that I don't feel him, I miss him. I miss....something that I cannot put into words.
Jzed came out of the blue, giving me a good month's notice of what was to come for me. Once I hit this tumultuous period in my life, he was silent, but returned when the turbulence was over. He then sent very strong messages that I could not deny, even if I tried to, even coming to me in astral. If I had a question, it was answered one way or the other. If I had a concern, it was quieted. He was not a talkative guide, either. When he spoke, he used few words but with them came powerful impressions and feelings. Many answers I received were not heard at all but came to me as revelations, ideas or questions.
I felt drawn up in a whirlwind of inquiry. All the questions I had in the past were brought up again along with some new ones. Why was this happening now? Why did I have such a long break? I was urged to read over my past journals, to consider my past decisions and reflect on my life up to this point. I was also asked to consider my future and where it was headed. All this was going on in my mind along with thoughts about astral travel and an urge to read books on subjects I had not been interested in in years.
In my discussions with Jzed I was led to think about many aspects of my life (life review, maybe?). Apparently I am "very predictable" (Jzed's and Steven's words) and a "reticent traveler" (Jzeb's words). According to Jzeb, being predictable is a good thing. I am "right on schedule" and have not made any majorly wrong turns - all important turns were made at the right times and all paths I thought I would take, I did take. I guess this is the "good" news - I am predictable and a good planner. But apparently, I don't listen and I am "impatient". I have heard over and over that I need to "wait". I am use to hearing this. I feel like most of my life is a waiting game for some important thing to happen. In my youth it was when I would meet "the one" (oh how I despaired!). I had to settle with my ex and then after the divorce I still had to wait 4 years. And boy was the wait worth it! I fell in love, built a house and got pregnant with my beautiful daughter all in one year! That was followed by the birth of my son and stability in my career. Now I seem to be waiting for something else - my life purpose I think. Man, to wait a whole lifetime to find one's purpose - who wouldn't be impatient! On top of that, to not really know exactly what that is, well, it's very frustrating and exasperating! I am told two more years. To me, who has been waiting almost 37 years now, I am just fed up!
Jzeb also called me a "reticent traveler". When Jzeb called me that, the word reticent was not familiar to me, and when I looked it up I recognized that it could be mistaken for reluctant, which I think also describes me. However, reticent is more appropriate because it means keeping to one's self and being uncommunicative. This describes me well, actually, and when I realized this, I recognized that many of my life's issues have risen from my inclination to be hermit-like or my desire to "stay away" from crowds and groups of people. I am also very reluctant to communicate with others when I know it will likely cause upset. Just recently, I waited a very long time to confront a situation at work because of my reluctance to communicate my feelings. Strangely, just yesterday, I ran across this word reticent in Destiny of Souls and laughed out loud because a Council member of one of Netwon's cases called a client a "reticent soul". This was validation to me that I had, indeed, heard Jzeb correctly.
I can't help but wonder what the purpose of all this last week's hoopla is? Was I suppose to be getting a pep-talk? Is that why I was being asked to review my life? I can't help but worry that the reason all this happened is to prepare me for more challenging experiences. Part of me is just tired of this game, so I can understand the need for a pep-talk. But to take away the spiritual excitement of the past week and leave me....with the same ol' boring stuff? I am a little pissed off. I get told "relax" and am encouraged to have fun in life. Fun? This is not fun.
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