Journal Review

I read over some of my spiritual journal that I kept between 2003 and 2007 last night, specifically the first half. So far, astral travel has not been a big part of my experiences, at least between 2003 and the middle part of 2004. I had my first spontaneous astral projections in 2004. However, I often did not recognize them as such. However, in hindsight I recognize that most all of my experiences were very clearly out-of-body experiences (OBEs).

One of the first OBE's I had was on May 1, 2004. This one was very powerful and I remember it in detail even today. However, I do not describe it as an OBE or astral experience. Instead I call it "trance-like". 

I saw my guide, felt my guide, and heard my guide. It was so real! I remember hugging him from behind like I love to do and he turned around and hugged me. I could feel it and he kissed me (just a peck) on my lips and said to me, "Do you not remember me?" and I heard his voice loud and clear. At that moment I opened my third eye and looked at him. I saw a man with dark brown braided hair, olive skin, brown eyes and eyebrows and who looked like he was 24 years old. His hair was braided into tiny braids with beads on the ends. I got so excited because I saw him that I freaked out and came right out of my trance-like state. Such a disappointment because had I stayed calm I could have gotten a better look at him.

Even now I remember how my guide's voice sounded and the little bit of humor in his words, as if he were amused that I didn't remember him. I also remember that his skin glowed, like it was back lit with a warm, golden light. I didn't write how it felt to re-enter my body, but my memory of the experience is that I settled back into my body and felt the familiar buzzing of energy as I did.

The next post where I describe an astral experience was on June 5, 2004.

I had awakened from a restless sleep and asked my guide to help me. He said he would and I decided to go back to sleep. Well I ended up not going back to sleep. Instead I found myself hearing this roaring in my ears and somehow "knew" that I was about to astral travel. I moved away from my body, though clumsily, and found myself off my bed and on the floor next to my bed. For some reason I couldn't get my legs to work and tried really hard to stand and walk. I could not see so I "opened" my eyes and saw a funny gray atmosphere around me. I don't know if that was just the dark of my room, but I didn't see any shapes take form and I started calling for my guide. It was then that I went back into my body. 

Many posts in between the above two involve me being in a "trance-like" state where I speak with my guide for extended periods of time. In many of the experiences I write about, I am being taken places and shown things. However, I do not write of leaving my body! I do indicate that I feel like I am floating, that I am seeing and hearing and experiencing as if I am out-of-body, but I never acknowledge that I am actually in astral. It is very odd and I am realizing as I read through my journal that I just didn't know the difference at that time. At some point I learned so much about astral that I began to recognize the difference and seek it out. When that happened, my normal trance-like visitations with my guide began to diminish.

I found some very strong messages from my guide as I read, though. Some that I think I needed to read. He often told me stories to get points across to me. This is one that I have always remembered and pondered upon. Even now I do not think I understand it completely.

At the beginning of time there was Knowledge. This Knowledge was shared equally between all beings that existed. This Knowledge was a Gift from God, from the Creator, from the Source of our being. We exalted in this knowledg efor we knew that only God could give us such a wonderful gift.

Now this gift became commonplace and was taken for granted and all who Knew did not believe they Knew anymore.They began to disbelieve what they Knew for they had Forgotten. As those who Remembered saw what was happening, they asked for those who had Forgotten to leave, as they did not also want to Forget. So those who had Forgotten left, but they felt isolated from All That Is, from Knowledge. They felt trapped by their lack of memory and wanted badly to remember again.

So those who Forgot searched for Knowledge. They intended to Remember. They tried everything imaginable to Remember the Knowledge they knew they once had. They looked under rocks and move mountains. They created Hell and they created Man. Through Man they felt they could Remember. Through Man they felt they could retrieve some of the Knowledge they have been given. But Man was not an easy thing to control. Man had instinct. Man had his own motives. Man was not willing to Know and did not want to believe that such Knowledge existed.

So through Man, those who Forgot, Forgot more. And through Man, those who Remembered, Remembered more. And thus the cycle continues. Those who Remember look down on Man and thank him for the Gift he has given them, the Gift of Remembering All That Is. And those who have Forgotten look down on Man and also thank him for they do not Remember. And there is peace. And Knowledge still exists, though it also does not.

So you are among Man. You are experiencing Forgetfulness. You are thanking Man for his Gift to you, because you are Remembering parts of the Knowledge you once had, but also Forgetting equal amounts of All That Is through this Remembering and you are happy. But also, as you are happy, you Forget once again, and you must experience to Remember. But those of us who choose to Remember, thank you. We watch and we Remember and we are grateful that we Remember. And you live, and you Remember, but you are grateful for Forgetting.

My conclusion at the time was that my guide was the part of me that Remembered and was there to help me as I continually Forgot things. It was clear to me that this was true. It was also clear that my guide was indeed part of me, not separate at all like I had once thought.

As I continue to explore the reemergence of astral travel in my life, I am understanding more and more the reason for it. I was confronted with many issues in my current life, one which is my Ego and it's selfish determination to distract me from my true purpose here. Effectively, my Ego is the part of me that Forgets and I was told, am still being told, that I must get it under control to proceed. I find myself split over this, which is not unusual as my Ego is not fully controlled yet. I am working on controlling it more.

I also understood that I will be living in two worlds and learning to balance this in my life. The past few years I have been mostly in one world but am being asked to return to my previous task of living in both. I did not succeed last time. I got caught up in Ego related thoughts and pulled into the wrong direction for a while. Thus I was shut off from the Other Side for a time, though not completely. Even as I contemplate this I am afraid I cannot handle both worlds. It is hard. My guides confirm this. They also confirm that I can succeed and they are going to help me do so. To succeed I must gain control of my Ego, keep it under wraps, stop its destructive thoughts and merge my "fractured self" (that is what they call it anyway). I am not sure how to do this, but I will try.

I am left feeling lost in a way as I contemplate all this. Going out of my body makes me want to stay out of my body. When I come back to my physical body I long to be out of it. I become obsessed with being out of it and begin to demand to go Home. So I can understand why it was not part of my life for these last five years, I needed to focus on my family and learn to live for another (my children taught me this). But I have missed my OBEs and it has left a void inside me. So I fear leaving my body again because I worry I will be obsessed again with being out of it more than in it and I love my family, want to be with them and help them as I am suppose to. Apparently I have to find balance so that I can both help and be with my family while also being out of body and in touch with the Other Side. My guides say to do this I need to remember my purpose. If only it were that easy.....