Living Life in Between

A strange thing happened today. After a successful and uplifting gym workout, I was feeling a bit light headed so I decided to sit and rest while listening to music in my car. The minute I closed my eyes I felt this huge lump of emotion well up in my chest and I started to cry. The song playing was Hero , by Family of the Year. The part of the song where it says, "So let me go, I don't wanna be your hero" and "Your masquerade, I don't wanna be a part of your parade" seemed to bring forth more emotion. None of it made any sense. I just had all this sorrow and the song seemed to bring it out. I sucked it up and drove home, thinking of my day and how I had applied for jobs farther away than I had previously. I was so concerned that I would be forced to go back to the negative environment of my current job that I decided that I would apply to jobs far away. Jobs that, if I got them, would mean either an hour or more long commute...or relocation. But I felt ...

Turtle has visited both my dreams and my waking life in the last 24 hours. I noticed him right away. The first sighting came yesterday on my way home from work. He was so big and stretched out that I thought he was a large lizard. I slowed down and looked closer and saw he was in fact a very large turtle. I immediately thought about how the shell protects the turtle and acts as a portable home. I also recognized that this turtle seemed to be on the move. Perhaps the turtle made a bigger impression than I realized because last night I dreamed of turtles. In fact, that part of the dream was probably the most vivid and I remember being curious about them. I thought, Why are there so many turtles? In the dream a lady was releasing the turtles into a lake near a pier and I was standing on the pier looking at them. It was a large turtle and many smaller turtles. I lost count of how many there were but it seemed like it was a mother and her babies.  Then this morning on my drive in ...

Today I have been having thoughts about the choices I will soon need to make in my life. I am certain that these thoughts are being influenced by Steven and my guides. Though I am not hearing their individual voices, I feel their influence. Last night I went to bed feeling very tired. Again my right arm started twitching. It is getting very irritating! Somehow I fell asleep, though. I was awakened quite suddenly at around midnight. My stomach was hurting really bad and it woke me up. I could not quite remember my dreams but had flashes in my mind of strange looking beings. When I tried to go back to sleep it took me almost an hour. The full moon was shining brightly through my bedroom window into my face and my arm kept twitching. At some point I fell asleep but felt "off". When I awoke I remembered my dreams but am not going to go over them at this time. My mind was on how I did not like my job. I could not help but feel irritated by having to go to work. I kept thinki...

It's been quiet in my mind the last 24-36hrs. The familiar buzzing on either side of my nose stopped during that time. I started to feel "normal" again, which, for me, is not necessarily good because I get bored very easily with normal, day-to-day life. When I get bored, I start to think too much which usually ends up with me doubting the spiritual experiences I have had, even if those experiences happened recently. However, I also focused more on mundane life by spending time with my children and just enjoying them. They truly are the "joy" in my life. Some physical things have been occurring that are unusual, though. The night before last I was awakened in the middle of the night by very strong muscle fasciculation (twitching). My right arm (bicep/tricep) was twitching so violently that it woke me up. There was no pain, just visible twitching of the muscles. I tried to massage the muscle to no avail. I moved my arm and that would stop the twitching for a w...

I went to bed last night feeling very disappointed and somewhat angry about life. I watched the movie, Real Steel, because my husband had told me it was really good. I ended up crying during the movie. I didn't cry because the movie touched my heart. I cried because I saw the child with the robot as symbolic of the situation I am in. I am the robot and the child is my soul (oversoul, a term used by Ophiel to describe the soul that controls the body, seems more appropriate). As I watched the movie, I also got angry. The robots they were controlling were often times destroyed and the controller would just go find another robot only to quickly destroy it as well. I felt betrayed by the thought of my own body being just a "robot" being controlled by my oversoul. I am NOT a robot! I am MORE than that! My body has emotion. It loves and hates. It reacts. It may not be the best it can be without the oversoul, but there must be something there that is distinguishable from th...

I again had dreams of being back in school except this time I was the teacher (yay!). In the dream I caught a student watching a video. What video? Superman! Strangely, the classroom was superimposed with a restaurant. Basically the scene began in a restaurant and then school desks began appearing with students. I sat at a student desk but only ordered something to drink - water. My sister sat in front of me and ordered food but did not eat it. I was most drawn to the movie, Superman. When I think back to how I got to the restaurant, I remember that my mother took me to the restaurant. I tried to get her to go with me, but she wanted to go to this specific restaurant, Henderson's, because it had a dish she just couldn't get enough of (Henderson's is a restaurant in the city where I work). I reluctantly followed her, feeling she was wasting my time. She suggested I be a waitress at the restaurant. I told her I was way too old to go back to waitressing. When I woke up I...

Although it has been quieter since Jzeb left, Steven is still very much present. Yesterday, when I thought I was alone with my thoughts, I was asked a question out of the blue by Steven. "Are you ready to merge, now?", he asked. I was taken aback. "What?" Then I remembered what I had been thinking about. I had been thinking about Destiny of Souls and the section where Newton talks about how a soul merges with their human body prior to birth. He also discusses how some souls wait until after birth, while most choose to come into the body somewhere around the 3rd or 4th month. Steven's question threw me. Weren't we already merged?  I knew we were, how else could I have conversations in my mind with myself? lol However, considering that some souls wait to merge after birth, I thought to myself, "Is it possible that some souls might consider merging at other times, past even adolescence?" "Anything is possible,"Steven replied...

Today is so different than the past week or so. My mind is quiet. I am feeling zoned out, unmotivated and.....sad. I feel as if the past week was a mini-vacation from my boring life but that now I must "get back to work". Sigh. After last night's dreams (which I discussed in " Timing is Everything ") I am left with a sense that I am alone, or at least as alone as I have ever really been. The guide who was helping me, Jed (though sometimes it sounds like Zed so I will call him Jzed) is gone. I can't feel him and I definitely can't hear him. Steven is there, but back some distance. All is quiet in my mind. I am a bit confused as to who I was talking to over the last week or so, but am not going to worry about it. I know now that I talking to all my guides, though most often with Jzed. When considering the energy of Jzed, if I remember all the conversations I had with my guides, Jzed's personality was flat and very much that of a teacher. Steven c...

I recently read  Journey of Souls   by Michael Newton. I was drawn to read it and it was also suggested to me by others. As I read it, many of the past life and between life memories of the cases presented by the author sparked memories of similar things I have experienced. At the same time, some things did not make much sense to me. Yet I felt I should finish the book. At the end, many of my experiences were validated. For one, I have experienced a between life memory where I was taken to a domed room, sat in front of a curved screen and looked at a book that had moving pictures rather than pages. I went to this place prior to my descent into my current human body. At this time I remember feeling highly anxious/nervous about my life but also felled "called" to go into my body. The use of books with moving pictures and screens that are curved during life selection was described by Newton's clients on numerous occasions. Another experience of mine that matches Newto...

I slept wonderfully last night and awoke feeling well rested. Unfortunately, like most days, I felt unmotivated to get out of bed. My thoughts are usually somewhere along the line of, Ugh! Another day! I didn't remember my dreams right away. I slowly and groggily went through my morning routine. My husband, like usual, began talking about whatever was on his mind. He is much more awake in the morning and often philosophizes about things and will try to spark a conversation with me. Typically I go along with whatever he is saying but only half listen as I am trying to get myself together for another long day. However, this morning I listened a little closer, though still somewhat in a haze. He was talking about a bible study he went to with my brother (my brother is 17) and explaining how they discussed the bible, pointing out that many parts are taken literally when not necessarily intended to be taken that way. As he talked he said something that brought me into present time. ...

Before bed I meditated. I was not trying to astral consciously. I just wanted to relax and contemplate some things. I don't remember falling asleep, but I did. The last time I looked at the clock it was 9p.m. I was dreaming about teaching some kids. The kids, around age 14-17, were hoodlums and I was aware of this (in waking life I teach kids who are troubled). I was helping them with their assignments and feeling happy and calm. I don't remember much of the dream now except impressions. One impression is of the kids looking at me as if I were crazy and whispering to one another. I didn't care. At some point the dream merged into another dream where I was in a shop of some sort and gathering up jewelry I had hidden from the same kids who I had just been teaching. I clearly remember seeing my current wedding band as well as my wedding band from my past marriage. I gathered them up to go and as I walked out I said goodbye to one of the kids who looked at me as if he were ...