Living Life in Between

Some strange things have been happening lately. I know I am a little stressed but I can't blame that for everything that has been going on. For months now I have been thinking of death and dying. I'm not wishing I were dead or anything and I'm not depressed, it has just been on my mind. First it started out with me thinking about it when watching TV shows like I Survived Beyond and Back. It is weird, but I have been very drawn to watching that show. When I watch it I think about how wonderful it is on the Other Side and I miss it. It almost always tears me up. Then, I started feeling this surreality about life almost like I am not really alive but dreaming and am going to wake up any minute. This feeling comes and goes but has been strangely strong the last few weeks. Then I get memories of things Steven has told me in the past. I usually put some things on "the shelf" and don't bother worrying about them at the time I am told about them. I keep thinking

I woke this morning sorting through a problem I have been dealing with for many years now, but more so in the last few months. I have been trying to figure out why a certain person I love keeps making the wrong decisions. What is going on in their minds? Why can't they see that their reasoning doesn't make sense? The instant I awoke I was thinking about how life is a game, let's say Monopoly. You roll the dice and make your choices. Life throws you potential problems and gives your choices. You make a choice and you deal with the consequences. The whole time there are other players and there are rules. Some players follow the rules, some cheat or quit the game in a tantrum because they don't get their way. This happens in life, too. We do with what we get the best we can. Some of us always follow the rules while others continue to cheat or whine their way through the game, making problems for those who follow the rules. Eventually you have those who tell the cheater