Living Life in Between

Yesterday I got dropped at the gym to fill out the paperwork to end my membership. I can't go there anymore because of the anxiety. While I was there filling out the paperwork I was fine but then I had time to burn because my husband was at lunch with the kids. I did a very light workout, keeping my heart rate at around 110bpms (ridiculously low) and was okay though I did have to fight the panic a couple of times. I also noticed that the panic would increase if other people were present. There were two other woman in the room with me at the beginning and I felt to be on high alert, like super sensitive to them. When they left, I relaxed/calmed substantially. Toward the end I had to wait about 5 minutes at the front of the gym for my husband to arrive. I had a strong exposed feeling that bothered me. I am not use to it and so it scared me. This feeling is linked directly to the panic episodes and only occurs when I am not in the presence of my family or in my own home. It is ...

Today I've been unsteady but making progress on my new (old) path. I am scheduled to begin my processing next weekend. I am partnered with a friend who is well versed in metaphysical and the many strange and bizarre experiences I've had which is a positive. There is fear following me despite my knowing that this is the right thing for me to do. Fear that is unfounded which means I most likely will encounter exactly that which I do not wish to confront - which is the whole point! Currently my main goal is to eradicate the ever increasing panic attacks that I've been having since June. They are becoming a nuisance and interrupting my life. Yesterday I had one just driving to a hair appointment! There seems to be no rhyme or reason to them. I can't pinpoint the triggers and so I am constantly on the lookout for even the slightest change in my body suggestive of panic. It sucks and has proven beyond my ability to handle. Every one of them feels like a near-death experi...