Still Recovering
I'm still adjusting to the shift that I experienced in early July. It's only been a little over a month but it feels like much longer than that...like I just woke up from a long dream and am trying to account for lost time. The main feeling I am struggling with is a familiar one. I don't know who I am nor do I know what I want to be . It's not an amnesia feeling. No, not a physical memory loss. I have my memory. This feeling is more along the lines of identity confusion. I know who I've been and the experiences I've had in playing all of my past roles. I also know what worked for me and what didn't. But the person I am now, the person I suddenly woke up realizing I was, doesn't know who she is anymore. She's a blank slate. Essentially the feeling comes down to feeling like I've started all over again. I'm not comfortable with all the empty expanse of space in front of me. The blank canvas that is my life stares me down daring me to pain...