Living Life in Between

If you've noticed, I've not been posting much in this blog. I've been attempting to shift back to WP but find myself limited by it. Limited meaning I don't feel safe to post the more mundane and personal aspects of my journey. There is an expectation that goes along with my WP blog, an expectation to post about OBEs, dreams, and the spiritually profound. Anything else is lacking. I mentioned in my WP blog today that there are things that happened on the 10th and 11th that I couldn't write about on there. Well, I will share some of that here now. Whatever "change" the 11/11 portal brought for you, for me it seems to be a full letting go of a particular dream of mine. Giving up is a better word, though. Giving up on a person, really. On 11/11 my FB feed showed a pic I had posted last year. The pic showed my old office telephone with 11/11 and the time 11:11 am. I recalled the horrible pain I was going through at the time and recognized how far I have ...

I've been more tired than usual lately. Not extremely so, but a noticeable difference in energy level, enough that I have cut back on running and weight lifting to give my body more recovery time. For example, in the first three weeks of October I ran an average of 20 miles per week, this week I ran only 12. I upped the weight I have been lifting, though, but not by much as I have a home gym and am limited by my equipment. When I have gone running I have had little motivation and felt low on energy. I have also been dreading my weight training but doing it anyway. Pushing through it, as is my tendency. The things is, my body is telling me to slow down in other ways. For example, I have had more aches and pains than normal and feel a bit "off" health-wise. I recognize my lack of motivation/dread as tell-tale signs of over training. Plus, when the body hurts, you listen! What is hurting? My knees feel achy on and off but nothing major. The part of my upper back that wa...

Prior to bed I again asked for clarification, this time shifting my question to, "Give me more specifics on what you mean by "face". Face what exactly?" Dream: Suitor  I was invited to a man's home where we had dinner and a nice chat. He was a nerdy (something has been overlooked) sort of guy with a pronounced nose, thin face and light hair. He was tall and thin, wore glasses and appeared to be somewhat young. We got along well, though, and I enjoyed his company. We spoke about his plans, his education and other things. He invited me to be more than friends. I declined. I remember being attracted to the attention he was giving me but understanding the implications allowing myself to overly indulge in his attention. I did not want to encourage him knowing I was unable to reciprocate. I had thoughts about my husband and family at this time. I remember him telling me he had bought the house (soul, self) we were in. His believed if he owned a house and was ...

Butterfly visit yesterday - 10/10/2017 Woke early this morning at around 5:30am with no dream recall whatsoever. Super tired, I rolled over to try and return to sleep despite hearing tiny footsteps on the stairs outside my room. Dream: Injured Cat I was in a garage (period of inactivity in my life) with my mom about to get into the car to go somewhere. It felt like early morning. My mom told me my brother was checking on an injured cat (feminine spirit, sexuality) he saw in the road that had been hit by a car. He was going to take it to the vet and see if he could save its life. I remember thinking, "My brother the cat hero" or something like that and thinking about how he always did have a big heart. In my mind I saw the cat - gray with thick fur and wrapped in a towel. It reminded me of one of my mom's cats that recently died, attacked in the night by some animal and left in my mom's front yard for her to find in the morning, entrails strewn all over. Dr...

The energy is intense again, but not in the usual (spiritual) way. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a strong urge to do something about my current situation. This is the third or fourth time I've woke up with this feeling. Usually I wake early and then can't return to sleep because my mind is so active. This morning the thought going through my mind was, "I've got to get out" and it took me a while to calm down and stop that thought from superseding everything. A couple of nights ago my guide told me, "Everything will be clear in the morning." I wonder now if this is what he was referring to? It is not often that I wake up with such a strong inclination for change and this morning things are already pointing to changes on the horizon. My sister's camper "present" Change is Afoot When I checked my phone upon waking there was a message from my mom to me and two of my siblings. She spent an evening in the ER and was informing u...

Lately I've been having emotional surges. Yesterday there were quite a few of them toward evening. They are not welcomed because they are the same kind I've had all year - a deep, penetrating sadness and heartache. One particularly intense one was triggered by a song that was being sung in a show I was watching. It was so beautiful and the minute I recognized it's beauty tears started to flow. My thought was, "It's so beautiful." Then the tears came so hard and fast I couldn't breathe. My heart aching as is the norm. My guide said to me, "You are beautiful." This only caused me to cry more. I heard more, more about accepting love, feeling worthy of love, being  the love the I am. Most of what I heard is lost to me because I was so overcome by emotion. I remember acknowledging that I missed the feeling of being utterly open and vulnerable yet at the same time completely safe and without fear. I miss feeling that connection with another and someh...

I wasn't going to post publicly this morning but when I logged into FB a picture popped up from 1 year ago today. I cannot believe it has been 1 year since I drove from Texas to Tennessee to attend a spiritual gathering. I spent over a week there. It was probably the most transformative week of my life but memories of it leave me with mixed feelings now. A question keeps going through my mind: "If you could go back to that period in time, would you change anything?" My first thought is: YES. I wouldn't have gone. Period. Had I known what I know now I would have stayed in Texas despite the intense urge I had to go to the gathering. Then I feel this feeling that says to me, "Are you sure?" I know why I am being asked this. The transformation I went through (might still be going through) would never have occurred. Additionally, the ending that it incited would not have occurred. It may have been drawn out for months, it could even still be on-going. ...

It's been quiet around here. My emotion related to family has subsided. Letting my husband handle it backfired on me, though. He scheduled the family meeting and then my paranoid step-father called him and demanded to know what it was all about. My husband had intentionally not said why he wanted the family meeting and my step-father thought it was something else and also began to spout off about doing "God's work". He is threatened by my husband and our beliefs. My husband gave in and told my step-father the real reason for the meeting and my step-father calmed down because it was not about him or what he thought. My step-father promised not to let the cat out of the bag. Not even an hour later my husband received a text that everyone in the house knew why the meeting was called and all hell was breaking loose. Turns out my step-father couldn't keep his mouth shut and blabbed. I don't know how it all happened exactly but I'm guessing he was just too an...

Yesterday was much better than the day before stress-wise. The morning was a bit bumpy because I had to drive out to my mom's area to pick up the packet for the 5K I will be running on Saturday. The drive itself seemed to up the stress level for some reason and I could feel the tell-tell signs of an anxiety attack begin to bubble up several times. Even my music was not helping. By the time I made it to the country I was better and the drive back there was no issue. On the drive I got to feel out the sensations a bit more and realized my heart chakra was the likely culprit. Someone once told me that anxiety is the result of repressed feelings; blocking ones self from feeling the uncomfortable - fear, grief, anger, etc. It's not just the result of worry. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I have successfully blocked my heart chakra in order to protect myself from the intense grief episodes that were pummeling me earlier this year. So, as a means to test this, I purpose...