Living Life in Between

Happy 1111 day (November - 11, 1st, 2017 = 10). I've been mulling over this post all day, hesitant to actually post it. Why? I'm not totally sure but here I am and we shall see what comes of it. The other day I stumbled upon a bunch of photos hidden in a drawer. They were from way back, like my teens, college years, and the time I spent with my ex-husband. In fact, the photos came from my ex. He mailed them to me one day after he found them and a bunch of my stuff in his parent's garage. In these photos were several from when I was 17-19 years old. One in particular caught my attention because 1. it didn't even look like me, yet it very obvious was and 2. I was wearing a bra and panties and quite...um....chunky. I wracked my mind to try and figure out when and where the photo was taken. I came up with sometime in 1994-1995 in a hotel room somewhere. It was during freshman year - after gaining the notorious "Freshman 15" and I weighed around 160lbs. I sti...

Seriously tired of crying - in my dreams, when I'm meditating, when I have down time/alone time.......crying in general! I never know what will set me off, either. Sometimes it is beautiful things, sometimes sad things, other times it's memories, and then sometimes I have no idea why I'm crying. If I'm busy, I'm good to go. Stay occupied = no crying. Got it. But the minute I'm alone and unoccupied then my heart grows heavy and I get all sappy and weak-like and usually end up crying either a little or a lot. UGH! Then, lucky me, I get to cry in my dreams!!!!!!!!!! No, it's not an all-the-time thing, thankfully, but it happens enough still that it is bothersome. I'm getting a bit grumpy/angry about it now. Dreams When I woke at 6:15am I had no memory of my dreams and fell back to sleep. When I woke again I was in tears, full-on sobbing, but suddenly had an entire night's worth of dream recall. School dream with burning car - Dreamed I was i...

Still battling a cold but am past the sore throat stage already. Now I'm just dealing with stopped up ears, evening headaches and congestion. Thankfully I've been more stable mentally and emotionally so as to counter the physical setbacks of the cold. In fact, I've felt so stable that I attempted a workout in the gym and passed with flying colors. No panic attack, not even a near-miss. Perhaps the panic/anxiety was just a temporary side-effect of recent integration and/or upgrades? My sleep continues to be deep and uninterrupted but my dreams are slowly becoming more lucid and memorable. Last evening my guidance interrupted my thoughts for the first time in a while. I was contemplating the whole walk-in confusion I went through and the last thing I thought to myself was, "I am not a walk-in, never was." It crossed my mind that if I got that wrong then I likely got many other things wrong about my journey; that none of it has ever been what it appeared to be. ...