Living Life in Between

I've been more tired than usual lately. Not extremely so, but a noticeable difference in energy level, enough that I have cut back on running and weight lifting to give my body more recovery time. For example, in the first three weeks of October I ran an average of 20 miles per week, this week I ran only 12. I upped the weight I have been lifting, though, but not by much as I have a home gym and am limited by my equipment. When I have gone running I have had little motivation and felt low on energy. I have also been dreading my weight training but doing it anyway. Pushing through it, as is my tendency. The things is, my body is telling me to slow down in other ways. For example, I have had more aches and pains than normal and feel a bit "off" health-wise. I recognize my lack of motivation/dread as tell-tale signs of over training. Plus, when the body hurts, you listen! What is hurting? My knees feel achy on and off but nothing major. The part of my upper back that wa...

I wasn't going to post publicly this morning but when I logged into FB a picture popped up from 1 year ago today. I cannot believe it has been 1 year since I drove from Texas to Tennessee to attend a spiritual gathering. I spent over a week there. It was probably the most transformative week of my life but memories of it leave me with mixed feelings now. A question keeps going through my mind: "If you could go back to that period in time, would you change anything?" My first thought is: YES. I wouldn't have gone. Period. Had I known what I know now I would have stayed in Texas despite the intense urge I had to go to the gathering. Then I feel this feeling that says to me, "Are you sure?" I know why I am being asked this. The transformation I went through (might still be going through) would never have occurred. Additionally, the ending that it incited would not have occurred. It may have been drawn out for months, it could even still be on-going. ...

Today has started off rocky. It's days like today that blogging helps the most. Saturday I'll start from the beginning. Saturday I ran the Harvest Wine Run located just down the road from my Mom's house. The night before I had gone to a fancy, all expenses paid, dinner party hosted by my husband's employer. I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea and had a good time. Unfortunately, my body rejected the drink later on and I ended up puking before bed. Guess all the clean eating and health conscious decision over the last six weeks has made my body super sensitive. Thankfully I only had one and a tiny bit of another drink so there wasn't any dehydration or other side effects. The day of the run I was tired and did not feel 100%. It was also hotter than expected with 60% humidity. It was suppose to be a 5K but my watch said it was only 2.5 miles by the time I hit the finish line. I was super grateful, though, because I was feeling way overheated. It took me a half ...

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to start slowly "weaning" myself from blogging. Since I have gotten in the habit of daily blogging I am going to start out with reducing my blogging to every other day and then reduce it further to every third day and then every week, and so on and so forth until I am blogging less and less. Blogging itself is not an issue, it's therapeutic and helps me sort my thoughts, but blogging publicly is no longer beneficial. Results  I made good progress over the weekend making it to about halfway through the course I am doing. I had some interesting experiences I wanted to share. There are two drills focused on confront. The first involves just sitting with eyes closed across from another person. You do this until you can be there comfortably. I normally have no issue with doing this because I have done so much meditating. Apparently many people fall asleep. I wish I could do that! Anyway, I was not comfortable doing this drill...

My first day of "class" was successful. I left feeling positive, open, and extroverted compared to my normal introversion. I return today and will work with a partner to practice - drill -  communication. The first to be drilled is confront. Ha! Just what I need because, though I very often excel at confronting life and situations I encounter in life, I have been avoidant of late. I will first just sit comfortably with my eyes closed for a length of time across from my partner whose eyes will be open. After that I get to do it with eyes open and looking my partner directly in the eyes and am not allowed to look away. I will master the first without an issue but the second always brings out some interesting manifestations, usually nervousness and sometimes even grief. If you have ever looked anyone in the eyes for a long time without talking it can be quite unnerving and exposing. That is EXACTLY what it is suppose to do in the drill.  I have successfully completed th...

I had a win regarding my panic/anxiety yesterday. My kids were going stir crazy inside the house and so I took them to get hair cuts. It wasn't a long drive, maybe 5 minutes, and I drove the other car which I think helped. I had absolutely no anxiety or concern about the drive, no strange light headed feeling or heart palpitations. My husband called and joined us for lunch which was nice but my younger two were getting really antsy so I tried to get him to take them home so me and my daughter could continue the shopping in peace. She had a meltdown over that, though, because for some reason she wanted her brothers with us. She tends to fixate on things and struggles to let stuff go when plans change. Her tantrum was too much and my husband bailed on me so I had to take all three to the next shop. It went okay but my younger two were chasing each other all over the store. It upset my daughter more than me and the store clerk was smirking the whole time. He was really cool about i...

Hi everyone. I know this blog has been set to "private" for a while now and that I have not been blogging here since 2014. Well I am shifting back to this blog and away from my WordPress blog. It's not that I have found the WP community unfriendly. Not at all. It's that I feel my time there is over for now. The reason for this is that I have recently realized that the path I have been on for the last three years is coming to an end. It's time to revert to the path I was on previously. What does this mean? If you have been following my WP blog then you have an idea of what I have been through these last few years. It's been a wild ride - a spiritual awakening all over again and brand new. However, the ride was never meant to last and here I am shifting back to where I left off. When I say "where I left off" I mean that my path is reverting back to auditing and continuing my processing. I stopped for many reasons - Kundalini began to rage, spiri...