Living Life in Between

It's been a while since I've written in this blog. I've been shifting back to my WP blog but still don't feel 100% comfortable there when it comes to writing about the more mundane aspects of my life. I am halfway through my NASM course and finding it harder and harder to stay interested. The course pace is slow compared to how quickly I work on my own and that is the main reason for my loss in interest. Not much else to say about this topic. I have been struggling for almost two months now with horrible hormonal acne around both sides of my mouth. The antibiotics I was prescribed worked but then began to run out prior to getting another prescription. So the spots started recurring and I am having to go through the whole process of healing again. When I say "horrible" compared to others struggling with acne it is really not that bad, but to me it is horrible because it is worse then the acne I had as a teenager. When I was a teenager I use to cry abou...

Not a whole lot to write about this morning. Things have been quiet and a bit uneventful and I've not been much interested in blogging these days. My motivation for blogging is mostly my spiritual experiences and it has been eerily quiet lately except for seeing a lot of combinations of 11, 111, and 1111's. No lucid dreams or OBEs, no Kundalini, no strange feelings or "ah-ha" moments - just the mundane, physicality overload. No Job, No Worries I've still not heard anything about the job. Yesterday I got a call from another manager of a store, though. He asked me to consider working for him and gave me the address so I could check it out. I was shopping for shoes at the time with my son, Elek. The new pair I bought at the beginning of the month caused my left foot to get sore and so I had to send them back, so, I needed a replacement pair. When I got the phone call, Elek saw his chance to escape and went on a run across the store at full speed. It was very h...

Auspicious: A a word that came to mind when considering how my life has recently changed. It actually popped into my mind while responding to a FB post about current astrological events and their potential effects. For me, the change began around October 10 when Jupiter entered Scorpio. I don't know much about why this astrological change in planet location would affect me the way it did but I felt the shift the day before and have been feeling it ever since! It initially felt like a burden lifted off my shoulders in the way I perceived it. Then there was a definite relaxing of my physical body and even my mind relaxed as my inner dialogue slowed to a trickle. I continue to feel more calm and relaxed. It's like my subconscious received the message, "The threat is over" after being on alert for way too long. Doors Will Open I received the message, "Doors will open for you now" not long ago. When I heard it I Knew it was truth but I did not speculate a...

Prior to bed I again asked for clarification, this time shifting my question to, "Give me more specifics on what you mean by "face". Face what exactly?" Dream: Suitor  I was invited to a man's home where we had dinner and a nice chat. He was a nerdy (something has been overlooked) sort of guy with a pronounced nose, thin face and light hair. He was tall and thin, wore glasses and appeared to be somewhat young. We got along well, though, and I enjoyed his company. We spoke about his plans, his education and other things. He invited me to be more than friends. I declined. I remember being attracted to the attention he was giving me but understanding the implications allowing myself to overly indulge in his attention. I did not want to encourage him knowing I was unable to reciprocate. I had thoughts about my husband and family at this time. I remember him telling me he had bought the house (soul, self) we were in. His believed if he owned a house and was ...

Things have been good. Quiet, too. I've not heard any updates from my mom but I haven't inquired. I will be visiting tomorrow to celebrate her birthday so figured I'd wait for any updates until then. My focus has mainly been on my children and my own personal goals. Keeping busy has been my motto, but a good busy, not just monotonous stuff. I've been steadily working toward my goal of a 10 min/mile on my runs. I reached it and then some, managing a 9:41 pace on the 5K this morning (yay!) and a similar pace on 4 miles yesterday. It was almost too easy which suggests that it is all in my thinking, not so much in my physical body. But then I have always believed I control my body, my body doesn't control me. One's thoughts really make or break a run, or anything for that matter. Think you can, you will. Think you can't, you won't. I have now reclaimed my running joy, something I thought I had lost when I started back into running this past July. It r...

Seriously tired of crying - in my dreams, when I'm meditating, when I have down time/alone time.......crying in general! I never know what will set me off, either. Sometimes it is beautiful things, sometimes sad things, other times it's memories, and then sometimes I have no idea why I'm crying. If I'm busy, I'm good to go. Stay occupied = no crying. Got it. But the minute I'm alone and unoccupied then my heart grows heavy and I get all sappy and weak-like and usually end up crying either a little or a lot. UGH! Then, lucky me, I get to cry in my dreams!!!!!!!!!! No, it's not an all-the-time thing, thankfully, but it happens enough still that it is bothersome. I'm getting a bit grumpy/angry about it now. Dreams When I woke at 6:15am I had no memory of my dreams and fell back to sleep. When I woke again I was in tears, full-on sobbing, but suddenly had an entire night's worth of dream recall. School dream with burning car - Dreamed I was i...

The energy is weird. It started October 1st and has just continued. Full moon maybe? I didn't even realize the full moon was so close until today. On October 1st toward the evening I began to feel like nothing I did or ever could do would matter or change my future. It was such a helpless feeling but interestingly enough it came with an unburdening. My shoulders felt lighter and I exhaled relief. I can't remember now what I was thinking prior to this feeling. Probably trying to sort out my future, to make decisions about the direction I wish to go. Then on the 2nd the news of the Las Vegas shooting came and I wondered if maybe the gunman (or gunmen) felt some of what I felt on the 1st? Maybe he just felt so hopeless he lost his mind? Maybe he figured he would do something drastic since nothing else seemed to make a difference? Makes me glad that I relaxed into the feeling and let it unburden me. Dreams For both the 1st and the 2nd I had strange dreams and woke up cry...

Lately I've been having emotional surges. Yesterday there were quite a few of them toward evening. They are not welcomed because they are the same kind I've had all year - a deep, penetrating sadness and heartache. One particularly intense one was triggered by a song that was being sung in a show I was watching. It was so beautiful and the minute I recognized it's beauty tears started to flow. My thought was, "It's so beautiful." Then the tears came so hard and fast I couldn't breathe. My heart aching as is the norm. My guide said to me, "You are beautiful." This only caused me to cry more. I heard more, more about accepting love, feeling worthy of love, being  the love the I am. Most of what I heard is lost to me because I was so overcome by emotion. I remember acknowledging that I missed the feeling of being utterly open and vulnerable yet at the same time completely safe and without fear. I miss feeling that connection with another and someh...

It's been hectic around here. Hurricane Harvey hit and with it came torrential downpours, high winds and power outages. Thankfully, we are located far enough away that we didn't get the worst of it. We only had momentary power outages while other parts of our area lost power for longer periods. We didn't have any major flooding either despite sideways, constant rain and wind gusts up to 35 mph. It was like we had a 36-48 hour major thunderstorm that didn't stop. Harvey Rainfall prediction map courtesy heavy.com  This morning the rain let up enough that I ventured out on a morning run. It was super cool - 70 degrees - and windy with sparse rain. I actually welcomed the weather as it made my run that much easier. Here is a photo of the one downed tree in our neighborhood. While in Austin I saw trees that had just fallen over, roots in the air. This is likely because the soil got saturated and the high winds were just too much. When I was growing up and li...