And I Feel Fine

So the song by R.E.M. "It's the End of the World as We Know It" that has been popping into my head for the last month and a half has played out in my life's events. I am finally at the end and I do indeed feel fine.

I was warned in January that I would run into some issues from the middle of February to the middle of March. Well it happened and it was quite a whirlwind. I went in sensing change about to occur and my senses were confirmed when I personally witnessed a meteorite hit the ground 100 feet in front of my car. Then all kinds of upset happened at work. I was forced to handle a situation that I had been avoiding for months. It was an ethical issue and my not confronting it or handling it meant I was being untrue to myself. I ended up in a situation where the saying "Damned if I do, damned if I don't" was very applicable. Handling the situation meant that I had to communicate with people I didn't feel comfortable communicating with. It meant confronting the issues at work, the people at work, and my own self. So, in a nutshell, the "999" message was true. I did put an end to something and at the same time I passed through the finish line feeling accomplished, but very weary. It took an emotional toll on me. I lost sleep. I got a head cold that just wouldn't go away. I felt depressed for the first time in a long time. And I broke down in tears to the point that I had no tears left to cry. The final result has been good so far. Work is bearable. I feel that all the repressed emotion that I was holding has been released. I feel ready to take on new challenges and to move forward with my life.

This morning as I drove to work after the first restful night's sleep in almost a week, I heard again a song that I heard during this crisis. Florence-The Machine's "Shake It Out"  and Lyrics.

If you listen to the song and read the lyrics you might get an understanding of how I was feeling these last two months. Sometimes life forces us to change. We may not like it, we may resist it, but we have to change, we have no choice. Sometimes life feels so pointless and purposeless that we give up. We wonder what is left for us to do. We've had too many failures and losses and we want to move onto something else, but we are frozen in fear. What if I fail? What if things don't get better? It's hard to know and the not knowing stops us in our tracks. That is what happened to me. I was frozen by my fear of not knowing. Stuck in mediocrity and apathy until I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. The misery I was in was not worth it. And now I can see the way.

It is odd how events in life act in synchrony to help you recognize things about yourself. The events at work were not the only one at play here. My graduate course opened my eyes to issues I have as well. Additionally, my body protested, coming down with a nasty head cold that held on for weeks. Mentally, my mind was my enemy, keeping me awake even when my body was weary. Somehow, in all the mess that was my life, I got messages from my guide and through life.

These are just a few of the lessons I learned/relearned:

• Life is for living. 
• The little things in life are what matter, make them count. 
• Think before you speak. If you can't say something nice, say nothing. 
• What you resist persists. 
• Manifestation can be positive or negative depending on how well you control your thoughts, words and actions. 
• Most people are good, even though it might seem like they are all bad.
• Be clear about what you want, have no doubts and then make it happen.
• Doubt causes delay.
• Take time for yourself. Rest when you are tired. Eat when you are hungry. Laugh whenever you can.
• You are not alone.

Bless you all.