Clear
With the realizations I had this week (ascension) and the interesting meeting with my guides I had yesterday morning, I am beginning to realize why I have been feeling the way I have for so long. I came into this body already very aware and although I suppressed it for some time, eventually I could not stop the changes. The process is not always obvious and for me there seemed to be periods where nothing was happening. However, I believe those periods were likely when the most necessary changes were taking place.
As I scan through this blog I recognize that this blog is about my personal spiritual advancement (ascension). It paints a picture of the process so that others who are awakening spiritually and experiencing the changes associated with ascension can better understand what is happening to them. At times I feel driven to write in this blog - as if it is the most important thing I am doing in my life. Perhaps it is. All I know is that I feel better when I have written here and it matters not to me how many people read my words or are impacted by my experiences. The very act of putting my thoughts out there is helpful to me and that is what matters.
Fears
Though I am less fearful these days, I still carry with me some very irrational fears of this process I am going through. One major fear I have is that I will lose contact with my guides in the way I am more familiar with - hearing their thoughts in my mind and feeling them close at all times. That separation, from what I have been told and understand to be true, is coming to an end when the merging process is complete. This merging, in a nutshell, is ascension.
I also fear eternity. The idea of "forever" makes me uncomfortable. I do not want to confront it or look at it. I want to push it to the back of my mind. Steven said a long time ago that we are "infinite beings living in a finite world". Just him mentioning it and asking me to consider infinity brought me to near mental collapse. He reassured me, telling me that my finite mind was not capable of understanding such things. So much cannot be put into words because the infinite cannot be put into words.
My boss put it best when she said, "There is so much that we do not know; aren't suppose to know". Perhaps it isn't that we aren't suppose to know but that we are incapable of knowing it in these bodies?
After recognizing that what I have been experiencing all.my.life is ascension and that people all over the world is now recognizing and embracing this for themselves, I began to research ascension in more depth. I read various websites and perspectives but nothing felt right; something was missing. Finally, feeling that I would never find what I was looking for, I went to the Church of Scientology website and scanned through the FAQs page as well as other parts of the site. You would think me familiar with the site but really I had not spent much time on it in the past. When I browsed through it I began to feel settled. Something about the website and the words resonated with me. When I recognized this I thought, "How odd", because in the past I never felt this way which is why I rarely spent any length of time on the site.
Flag
There is a portion of the site devoted to Scientology's Flag Land Base. I will be going there soon. I made the decision prior to selling the house. I knew I needed to go there. When I return I will be Clear.
For me, attaining the state of Clear = freedom. I also believe it to be what will complete the merging process I was told about by my guides. I know that it will not be an easy journey but I have to do it.
I first wanted to go to Flag after I gave birth to my middle child. I was persuaded not to and so didn't. After the birth of my youngest I decided it was time to push to get what I wanted. Not only will I receive the best auditing Scientology provides but I will get to stay in luxurious accommodations in a beautiful, tropical place. For over a year I have wanted a "vacation" and now I will get one with a bonus. And usually I would feel guilty for such a selfish indulgence, but this time I don't for going Clear is not selfish, it is necessary. My entire world will become brighter and the people in my life with be blessed as well since I will be a me free of aberration.
I don't know yet when I will leave for Flag but it will be soon. Last week, when I had so much memory come back to me, I knew that something would happen in 2 weeks. That was last Tuesday, so I suspect I will know more about when I leave for Flag come Tuesday, July 22. While at Flag I doubt I will have time or computer access to write in my blog. So expect at least three to four weeks of no posts.
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