Island in an Ocean of Blue
I looked down again at my feet. I noted the white gravely surface and saw it glistening beneath my feet. Where it met the water there was this border of dark brown almost black. I am not sure what it was made of but it created a definite boundary between the island and the water.
It was at that moment that I realized I was not alone. With me was a man whom I knew. He was young, like me, and his skin was radiant. I do not remember what the rest of him looked like except that he appeared to glow a yellowish-tan color. I also recall that his face and body seemed to blur if I looked closely at him.
This glowing man stood right beside me and was talking to me about the division between the white gravely sand and the ocean. I seem to remember that he commented on the beauty of the place; like he asked me if I was pleased with it. I stated that the lines of the structure were flawed; they were not parallel. I literally pointed to the end of the strip of land where the lines of division began to get closer together. In my mind, the brown-black border stood out to me in contrast to the vibrant blue of the water and the glaring white of the gravely sand.
At some point I decided that the flaw was nothing to be concerned about. I believe it was because my glowing companion had me focus more upon the water and the beauty of the scene. The next thing I remember was falling into the water after him, splashing about and enjoying its coolness on my skin.
Affair
The beautiful scene vanished and was replaced with that of my grandmother's home. I was with a man who did not resemble my glowing companion yet he felt to me to be the same. I recognized his features to be that of someone I knew in high school and instantly called him by that name: Peter.
Peter and I were in my grandmother's room. He was making sexual advances towards me and I was eagerly responding to them. The feeling was of absolute sexual interest and desire but that was dampened by an overwhelming love and respect for the person. I was aware that I was in the wrong. I had a husband and the feelings I was having were forbidden. Something about the feelings and the forbidden nature of the situation was irresistible. So I chose to spend the night with Peter and lost myself in his arms. However, I was very preoccupied with the worry that I would be caught, so my mind was on how to avoid being found out by others and by my husband. I recall feeling that it was worth it, though, and that I could not pass up the chance for something as wonderful as this.
Strangely, this experience also had a glowing atmosphere that is hard to explain. When I recall the scene in my memory I see a yellowish glow emanate from the scene. The man with me, who I called Peter, seemed to be someone I had known for a long time and who was greatly missed in this life. I felt as if I were being reunited with a soul mate and so leaving my current husband was justified.
The thought of breaking up my marriage was disturbing to me and I fought with the part of myself who was attached to my husband. An internal dialogue resulted with one side justifying the deceit and the other side overcome with guilt.
I recall sneaking out of the room after spending a night with Peter and running into my husband in what would be my grandfather's bedroom. I remember that when he saw me he told me he lost his cell phone and was asking to use mine. I was scared to let him use it, worried he would see that I had spoken to Peter and find out my secret. Yet when I held my phone in my hands it was an Ipod and not a phone. I looked through the songs and realized I had forgotten how to use it. My husband asked me if I had another phone and I found one and gave it to him. It was an old phone of mine that I used when we first met. The entire time we were talking I was consumed with anxiety and worry over whether he would find out. Yet still in my mind I was thinking of Peter and wanting to be with him.
I woke up suddenly from this dream feeling horrified by it. Usually I dream of situations in which I am tempted to cheat on my husband but I always remain true. This time, however, I seemed to find something much better and convinced myself this other man was worth it. The dream was so vivid and real to me that I had to catch my breath as my heart was still pounding. My guide was there close by and I asked him, "Was that you?" and he said, "What do you think?" I felt he had been the glowing man for sure but was not sure if he was Peter, though I think he must have been. I continued to worry about the dream and my very different decision to cheat and likely leave my husband. I did not like it.
The whole interaction with my husband in the dream suggests a major break in communication. The fact that he lost his phone indicates that he cannot figure out how to communicate with me. The fact that my phone becomes an Ipod suggests that I also have lost communication with him. The solution ends up being that I give him my old phone, suggesting that perhaps I need to return to my old ways of communication in order to revive that which has been lost in our marriage.
The fact that I cheated on my husband in this dream and the thoughts I was having when I did so suggests that I may be becoming more comfortable with the idea that he is not the only man for me in this life. However, in the dream, the man who I cheated with (who would then represent the man who I would consider leaving my husband for), was someone who was extremely familiar to me - a soul mate. I consider my current husband to be my soul mate so it could be that I was reliving the initial feelings I had for my husband in an attempt to recognize that they still existed within me. When I awoke, one of the things that peaked my interest about the dream was that I could still feel such feelings. I had thought that those feelings would never return and I longed to feel how I had been feeling in the dream. Not only did I feel sexually alive again, but I also had such a great attraction to all parts of Peter's being. It was as if we were interconnected; the same.
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