Random Ramblings

This post is just a mixture of things going on in my life as well as some other things of a spiritual nature that I am mulling over.

Job Update and Concerns

I am still waiting for approval of my position before I officially submit my letter of resignation at my current job. As far as I know, everything is still a Go for my new job but I am starting to get concerned. I went and filled out paper work to get the ball rolling last week and was told that approval would come sometime this week. I called and emailed my new boss yesterday to get news. She emailed me back saying she is still waiting for my background check to come in. I am surprised it is taking so long. I filled it out last Friday!

The reason this delay worries me is because I have been burning my leave days at my current job in order to both avoid the job because it is so negative and to not lose those days when I officially resign. I don't get to keep the 4 weeks of leave I accrued at my current job when I change jobs so have been trying not to completely lose it all. With the delay, I keep getting this little voice of doubt in the back of my mind saying, "Something's not right" or "Do you really think you should be burning up those days?"

Strangely, when I contemplate the worst case scenario - which is that this job offer falls through and I am stuck with my current job - I am thinking that I will continue on the path I am on regardless. IF this job falls through then I will still put in my letter of resignation and burn up my leave. Then, when my last day of work comes, I will have no job but at this point I really would rather have no job at all than have to go back there. Or, if my current job will not let me out of my contract without a letter confirming the job offer then I will just stay and burn up my maternity leave early and then take as much unpaid time off as I can.

I am to the point now that I am so tired of the negativity of my current job that I am willing to take the risk of this job offer falling through. I am to the point of even being okay with pulling out money from my annuity and retirement in order to pay off debt so that I won't have to find work. I hope I don't have to do that and I hope my willingness to accept even the worst case scenario is proof enough that I am ready to take the next step (proof to the universe and my higher self that is).

Dream Symbols

Since I have been taking days off the last few days have been interesting. I get to sleep in and my Mom watches my littlest to allow me extra sleep time. Yesterday I got to astral, even if for a brief time. Today I got vivid dreams and messages. Tomorrow morning I can only guess what will come but am not expecting anything.

There are some common themes/symbols that keep recurring in my dreams lately that I want to explore. I don't want to go into detail on the dreams even though they are quite vivid and memorable to me. It would make this blog way too long and really, when rereading my blogs I skip over the dreams to the symbols most of the time.

Towels

Lately I have noticed that I choose and pick up towels in my dreams. Sometimes they are white, other times they are multicolored or frayed. Towels can represent emotion in dreams and the state they are in is representative of that emotion. They can also represent completion, a fresh start in life or some new transitional period in life.

When I see the towels they are usually around a bathroom, so I suspect that my towel symbols represent the need for me to confront and deal with my emotions. If I do so then I believe this healing in turn will help me with the transitions in my life that I will be making soon. Right now the two most obvious transitions are the upcoming birth of my son and my new job.

Avocados

Both last night and a few nights before I either saw, picked or ate an avocado in my dream. It is unusual for me to see the green fruit in my dreams and so it stuck out to me when I awoke.

Avocados represent the coming of a reward after a period of hard work and dedication to a goal. I am hoping this symbols relates to my finally getting a job offer. I cannot fathom what else it could represent in my life.

White/brightly lit rooms

Rooms in general represent aspects of the Self. The aspect of the Self is dependent on the type of room one finds himself/herself in. For me, the rooms I have been going into vary. The latest one from last night was a very large, white, brightly lit school classroom. The one the night before was a room filled with furniture and did not seem to have a specific purpose. The white coloration of these rooms symbolizes purity and is often reflective of healing.

My opinion about the white rooms is that I am visiting certain aspects of my Self and giving attention to areas that need attention. In other words, I am going through healing and purification. Last night I was in a school room working with students. I sat next to one student and saw her face and told her she was beautiful. She was small with an oval face and short cropped brown hair. She looked very angelic. For some reason I began to cry and told her, "I miss my family". It woke me up and left me perplexed but ultimately I realized that she was there to help me heal.

Chickens

In two of my recent OBEs I have run into chickens. In the most recent one I even yelled out, "Chickens!" when I saw them pecking around in my mother's kitchen and living room. Ultimately in that experience a rooster scared me back into my body.

Chickens in general symbolize cowardliness and lack of willpower. My OBEs suggest this to be true. In the first the chickens were running away from me. In the second, the rooster scared me back into my body. I have been waking up in the mornings will a familiar feeling: despair. I have been asking to go Home. In contemplating why this is occurring now when I have only a couple of weeks before I start a new job, a job I have been working at getting for several years now, I am at a loss. Why am I feeling so hopeless still? A part of me senses the fear of change is partly to blame but also I am tired and unmotivated toward moving forward in life. I feel overwhelmed still and over burdened. This could be why chickens are popping up in my dreams/OBEs. Perhaps I need to dig deep to try and determine what it is that has me feeling so unmotivated lately.

Message from Guides

Just recently I noticed that my OBEs were not as exciting and uplifting as they use to be. Perhaps this is partly caused by my lack of motivation in life. OBEs/dreams tend to reflect what is going on in the physical and so that would likely be the reason why I am so disinterested. I asked my guide what I should ask for in my astral travels. I should have a goal in mind before I go into astral. What should I ask for?

Last night I was told by my guide, "You should ask to see". I agreed that I would and hoped I would astral but it did not happen. I felt it was due to my energy levels and the growing baby inside me. I contemplated what it was that I needed to see because I have been able to see myself in astral with no issue in the past and it was nothing amazing, really. But I have never commanded myself to see, so maybe it will bring something to the forefront about my Self that I need to confront.

I plan to try the command the next time I go into astral...whenever that is.