Alligators and Maggots

I woke up crying this morning. My dreams were very vivid with a theme of change and decisions.

Dream Sequence

Pool and Maggot

The first dream in the disturbing dream sequence that I had started out at a swimming pool and then morphed into other scenes with water.. I was at the pool with others and there was this guy who I did not want there. He was either mentally challenged or physical disabled and I saw him as a threat. My husband and family was there and refused to get rid of him. I was adamant that he leave but they wouldn't budge in their decision. I recall seeing the water, it was clear with some debris. I also recall that I finally decided to get rid of him myself and was successful. For some reason he appeared similar to my ex-husband.

At one point I was standing at the side of the pool looking down when someone next to me, my mother I think, exclaimed, "Ewww! Maggots!" I said, "Where?" looking down at my feet. There seemed to be a small dead animal of some sort (I couldn't recognize what kind) but I saw no maggots. Then she pointed to a small white worm and I saw it, though it appeared to be dead.

Alligators

The scene changed at this point and I was walking along a raised sidewalk. I remember that I made a decision to detour away from the normal route, kind of like a short cut. Before I detoured, there was water below me and the scene was in nature, like out in the wilderness. I was walking on a concrete bridge over the water and could see an alligator here and there but nothing threatening. However, when I made the decision and turned to my left, the scene grew dark and swampy and all of a sudden there were alligators everywhere and they were hungry. What was weird is they were positioned on concrete piers and appeared to be sleeping until I grew close and then they would wake up. They snapped at me and I began to panic because there seemed to be no way out.

McDonald's

Then the scene shifted again and I found myself sitting at a table with my mother at McDonald's. She was talking happily about her upcoming marriage and I was very quiet and listening. I remember that she kept talking about me and my husband and a huge amount of dread filled me. I did not want to tell her the news. Didn't she know were we getting a divorce? I thought.

My mom ordered us plain water and put my water in front of me. I asked her, "Why did you order water? We can have Coke". I said this as if giving her permission, but also like I was allowing myself the treat of soda.

At this point I was tired of not telling her the news and said point blank, "Mom, you know me and (husband) are getting a divorce, right?" She took the news lightly and smiled and said something to indicate that she believed it would not happen. I remember thinking that she was wrong and recalling that he was already dating a woman; moving on with his life. I became overwhelmed with guilt and began to cry. That is when I woke up.

Considerations

When I woke up I was very upset by the dreams. Alligators? Maggots? Divorce? I knew the themes of the dreams were referring to my life and some things I need to confront in it. All I could think of, however, was how tired I have been feeling. It is not a physical tiredness, though I have that as well, but more of a physical one - like I want to just quit and take a break from life. I have been feeling this way for quite some time, so it is not a feeling I am surprised at running into. However, for some reason this morning, with one of my guides close, I felt that a decision needed to be made - a choice: give up or keep trying. I also was very much aware of the shift in energy that I picked up on in January. It seemed thick and heavy at that moment, making it even more obvious that something was about to happen.

Some things that came to mind that I will need to confront are: my marriage/family and my career path. It seems also that the two are interconnected. I have long been considering taking a break from work, even before I got my new job. I am not certain what I would do with myself during that time. Rest? Perhaps that is what I need to do but I worry I will go crazy with too much free time. I also hate to give up my job when I worked so hard to get it. However, my marriage is suffering because I am suffering from this feeling of wanting to just give up/take a break. Based upon last night's dreams, I have some major fears coming out that my marriage is going to fail; that I am going to fail.

Symbolism

Alligator - an alligator is much like a frog when it comes to symbolism but it is much more powerful. It can symbolize the subconscious and the ability to move between states of consciousness. If one is running from the alligator it suggests that the individual is not willing to confront some unpleasant aspect of themselves. This aspect of the Self is destructive. Since the alligator can also indicate treachery and pride, the aspects of the Self are also linked to these qualities.

Maggot - to see a maggot indicates an individual has anxieties about death or a particular issue they do not want to confront. In the case of my dream, there was only one maggot and it was barely alive, indicating that I, even in my dream, did not want to confront whatever it represented. It had to be pointed out by someone and only then did I see it.

Restaurant - to be in a restaurant suggests the individual is feeling overwhelmed by decisions or choices that they need to make in life. They are seeking nourishment from life. Since I specifically mention that it is okay to have soda instead of water, it suggests that I am open to allowing myself to experience life more fully; to enjoy life more than I have been.