Auspicious

Auspicious: A a word that came to mind when considering how my life has recently changed. It actually popped into my mind while responding to a FB post about current astrological events and their potential effects. For me, the change began around October 10 when Jupiter entered Scorpio. I don't know much about why this astrological change in planet location would affect me the way it did but I felt the shift the day before and have been feeling it ever since! It initially felt like a burden lifted off my shoulders in the way I perceived it. Then there was a definite relaxing of my physical body and even my mind relaxed as my inner dialogue slowed to a trickle. I continue to feel more calm and relaxed. It's like my subconscious received the message, "The threat is over" after being on alert for way too long.

Doors Will Open

I received the message, "Doors will open for you now" not long ago. When I heard it I Knew it was truth but I did not speculate as to why or how. It was just a feeling in my bones/soul that resonated deeply. It is directly related to the Kundalini but that is all I really know thus far. Progress has been made and even though I have no means of articulating it the feeling that I have passed some kind of milestone is palpable. It is like I have reached the mountain top and am now surveying the scene, looking at the path behind me and planning the path ahead. The feeling is very much one of Potential.... Possibility......Hope.

The doors that have been opening for me are not amazing, life-changing ones.....yet - they could be - but they are opening and I am not afraid to step inside and see where they lead.

A little about these "doors":

Family - My sister and BIL left my mom's land on her birthday (Sunday). We celebrated my mom's birthday with my mom and step-father that day and had a good time. My step-father had to go to the ER for high BP the night before but was otherwise okay. The stress got to them both and now they can rest and recover. So in this case a door was closed and needed to be but another opened, one that allows me to visit my mom without having to deal with the heavy energy that my sister and BIL cast over the place.

In my universe - As I mentioned in my last post, I began a conversation with a manager at the Vitamin Shoppe I frequent. For months I have contemplated working there but it never felt right, yet for some odd reason on that day (my son in tow) I saw this young woman and felt an urge to speak with her. She took my name and number and said she would call me on Monday to schedule an interview. Well, she did and I interviewed Monday and then again by phone yesterday. What is so amazing (and truly it is) is what we both discovered during the interview. Not only is she from the same town I lived in most of my life and up until 2014, but her parents are my mom's neighbors (meaning she was at one time my neighbor, too), she knows my brother, went to and graduated from the same high school as me and him, knew the same people (my past employers, teachers, friends, etc), and other various "coincidences". When she told me where her parents lived I got covered in goosebumps. I knew exactly where it was because it was on my old running route! So in the past she lived about 6 miles from house. In the present she works about 6 miles from my house. Ha!

We also hit it off like we were old acquaintances but we had never met before. The interview with her was easy (as you can imagine) and though I am old enough to be her mother I never once had any issue with the age difference and the fact that if hired she would be my boss. We talked so long I was in the first interview for almost an hour and it was likely meant to last only 20 minutes.

When I left I carried a feeling of awe with me for some time. The song, "It's a Small World" kept going through my head and would make me giggle. After my follow-up phone interview yesterday, the song returned to my mind. A small world indeed.

The job itself is nothing grand, if anything it is "beneath" me, or at least I would have thought that in the past. To go from school counselor to sales associate at $9-$10/hour is a big step down. Yet I don't care and am excited about it. Yeah, weird, but now it is making more sense.

I am reminded of something I have heard for a long while now: Follow your highest excitement (Bashar). Though I am not a fan of Bashar that quote has followed me since I heard it because, for me, in this lifetime, I have rarely if ever done that. The decision to follow the path toward personal trainer certification was motivated by my enjoyment of all things fitness related and my life purpose to help others. For the first time in my life I am making a career decision that is not money motivated.

I think at this stage in my life I am finally ready to release my beliefs about money. I have learned that money is overrated, does not bring happiness, and enslaves its victims. Obviously I have also let go of my considerations about age and education which has been a life-long lesson of mine. Not only did I choose to marry (twice) men who never attended college and then became way more successful than I without a college degree (jokes on me, right?), but I have been working at releasing the programming instilled by society that success can only be had with a college degree. Total BS, and I knew this, but only now am I embracing it. Took me long enough. I was too fearful before that society was right and I was wrong. Too fearful of lack of money, of not having enough, etc. Now I know that having enough comes from the heart, not from any material thing or social status.

Music Message

When I woke this morning this song was going through my head, specifically the verse: ....things are gonna change. Oh we don't know the roads that we're heading down.."

The message is clear: We cannot guess where this life is going to take us. To try and anticipate the path ahead does us no good. As humans we want to be in control so it is normal to try and come up with all the possible scenarios that might be in our future. How often, though, do we actually get it right? Instead, we end up fixating on the scenario we want or the scenario we think is most likely and so when the future finally gets to us we usually discover it was nothing like what we had imagined.

The only sure way of knowing where we are going is to follow our hearts and trust that if we follow it we will find a new adventure awaiting us. We don't know....and that is OKAY, and in fact it is exactly the point!

Had I not followed my impulse and spoken with that young woman that day I would never have known the connection that was there. I would not have been blown away by all the "coincidences" or seen just how "small" this world is. My job now is to not expect what comes next. I can consider what might happen but the key is to not attach to any one outcome but be willing to experience any of them. Hard to do but I feel, in this case, I can do it.

The main message I keep getting here is to enjoy the "surprises" life brings to me.

Other News

I have officially started my NASM online course in preparation for the certification exam. Thus far it is not difficult and holds my interest. It is very scientific but that doesn't worry me. I am good at school, always have been. I have it "down pat".

I have also met my goal of a 9:30 min/mile on a 3+ mile run and am closing in on 10 min/mile on a 10K (6.2 miles). Told you I would. All I had to do was announce my goal and it was done already. I ran 3.5 miles with my husband and we talked all the way through until around mile 2 when he had to cut his run short. Running and talking is not possible if you are working too hard. Obviously a 9:30 min/mile is not too hard anymore. Yay! On to 9 minutes then!

The 10K was on my route by my mom's and I ran a 10:18 min/mile and that with two very short walks at turn-around points. That route is very hilly and higher in elevation than my city routes so a good gauge as to my ability. Once I can run that route without feeling exhausted at the end I will up the distance to 8 miles and so on and so forth.

Also, I get my braces off on November 11th. :) It's about frick'n time! They could have come off much sooner but my bite was all screwy. It still may not be fixed completely by the 11th but I get to decide whether they come off and I am saying "YES!" Then I get to wear a retainer for 4 months day and night until finally only at night. So far my bite is adjusting well so I think it will be all fixed by the time I go in for my appointment. For the first time in my life I have straight teeth. No more hiding my smile from the camera.

Dream Theme - Wedding Dress

My sleep has been odd. I have numerous dreams and often wake early and cannot return to sleep. When I do wake I feel tired still, as if I have not slept much at all. It could be a result of the recent solar flare activity and gamma ray bursts or because I have been busier than usual. My husband left this morning on a business trip and then will be visiting family out of state until next Tuesday. On top of that I've had the job interviews, the start of my online class, family drama resolution, and my regular mommy duties. Busy, busy.

There have been some interesting dream themes of note. In particular I have had several dreams of marriage and wearing a wedding dress. Wearing a wedding dress indicates I am evaluating a relationship.

In one dream I was preparing to wed my ex-husband. It seemed almost like a past life memory because of the feel of it and the way it played out. I recall my ex's father being against the wedding because I was not Catholic.

In another I was wearing a dress and discussing an upcoming ceremony with my current husband. I recall mentioning that we were already married and that the ceremony must be to renew our vows after 10 years of marriage. At one point I used the bathroom and the dress got in the toilet water and became soiled. I also was wearing a pair of tennis shoes and had to search for appropriate ones but couldn't find two of the same size. I ended up with a used pair that was quite dirty.

It appears I am reviewing both of my marriages. The second dream indicates emotion that needs to be released and a reevaluation of goals. The wrong shoes is especially significant because it indicates I am heading in the wrong direction. When I do pick the right shoes they are old and worn meaning I have to come to terms with who I am.

This Morning

I don't remember my dreams from last night but when I awoke I had a conversation with my guide about this lifetime. I saw this lifetime as a very interesting book/movie that I did not want to end. You know how you read a good book and when it ends you don't want it to? That is what I felt about my own life. I recognized why so many people want to live forever. What was so thrilling about it all was that I was writing it but then didn't remember what I wrote giving me the chance to actually live my story like the characters in a book would. They don't know the twist and turns ahead and they don't know what the end will bring. I am the author, the reader and the main character all at the same time. How cool is that? Yeah, I know, so very different from how I normally see life, right? lol

Another thing we talked about was something a friend of mine commented about in my other blog. He mentioned that the Kundalini brings about Ego death but that it is not really "death" but more that the Ego becomes more "mobile". I see this to mean that it is less rigid, more malleable. This is very real to me, especially lately. It's hard to explain but what I am noticing is that whenever I begin to worry about some potential future I stop it almost immediately. For example, currently with the new job prospect (just waiting on the official job offer) part of me really wants to convince the other how this job won't suffice, how it won't lead to anything long-term, how it will likely lead to scheduling conflicts, etc, etc. Though I know what this other part is saying I refuse to allow it to consume my thoughts and make my day unpleasant. My heart says go with it, see where it leads and trust that this door opened for a reason. This other me wants to waste time considering potential futures, mulling over "could have been's" and being anywhere but in the present moment. I don't have time for that nor do I enjoy the way it makes me feel. Do you?