Into the We-World

My first day of "class" was successful. I left feeling positive, open, and extroverted compared to my normal introversion. I return today and will work with a partner to practice - drill -  communication. The first to be drilled is confront. Ha! Just what I need because, though I very often excel at confronting life and situations I encounter in life, I have been avoidant of late. I will first just sit comfortably with my eyes closed for a length of time across from my partner whose eyes will be open. After that I get to do it with eyes open and looking my partner directly in the eyes and am not allowed to look away. I will master the first without an issue but the second always brings out some interesting manifestations, usually nervousness and sometimes even grief. If you have ever looked anyone in the eyes for a long time without talking it can be quite unnerving and exposing. That is EXACTLY what it is suppose to do in the drill. 

I have successfully completed these drills before so I know I can handle them and am not nervous really. I will likely have a lot of fun, especially with the second one.

The subsequent drills involve actual verbal commands and two-way communication but I can't recall the specifics at this time. I have no doubt it will be interesting nonetheless.

Basically I am doing these drills to become more comfortable with different situations so that I can handle them without distraction and interruption (nervousness, avoidance, insecurity, fear, anger, etc). The end result is to be confidant in handling any communication situation with any person - family or otherwise.

Messages and Further Realizations

My dreams continue to leave me as I wake, which is fine with me. Occasionally I will wake with a message, usually just one word or a feeling that provides a summary of the message. The other morning I received the word, "Break", several times and when I woke I had a summary of the complete message in my mind. "Break" here means a rest period, like when you take a road trip and you stop at a "rest stop". You haven't yet arrived at your destination, you just need to get up and walk around, eat, use the restroom and maybe even sleep. You shift your focus during the break which helps improve your function and focus when you get back on the road. For me this message rang true for my current situation.

This morning I woke up from a dream that I remembered enough of to understand the message being relayed. In the dream two FB friends were commenting on how they did not feel I resonated at a high enough vibration and so opted to jointly judge me by not supporting me. When I woke I was furious at the hypocrisy but it did not take me long to understand I was recognizing the pretense of a good number of my on-line "friends". I thought about what I might encounter if I were to meet them and realized in-person most of them would be very different from what they portray themselves to be on-line. In fact, a good portion of my online associations are just desperate to be heard, acknowledge and accepted as part of a group because in their lives they have felt different from others on Earth. They are needing to be validated and so they are getting it. Great, but then if it goes too far, separating them and alienating them further, it is actually stopping them from progressing.

This may not be something you all want to hear but it was very clear to me upon waking that on-line "communities" are just one of the many distractions on the "ascension" path (I am hating that word more and more). In fact, the very act of separating ones self from the rest of the world is effective only in suppressing your own movement forward (growth).The very act of separation by distinguishing yourself as of "higher vibration" and part of a special group who "knows" while others do not know (aware vs unaware) acts as a block to progress. In fact, I know for a fact that most who are on FB associating with others with similar interests do so in secrecy while continuing to live a "normal" life in the "outside" world. I do this and so don't think I don't see this same pattern in my own life. This separation is the very reason I struggle so much!

Not to say I don't know anyone online or in-person who is not fully integrated and genuine in their own right. I do and I am grateful for that. Integrated here means they are very aware but they do not separate themselves off into this or that group but rather they work "undercover" with full Knowing of who they are and why they are here. They are humble, accepting and mission-oriented. They don't live two lives, they live ONE, here in the NOW. They aren't searching for some 5D, 9D, etc universe nor are they trying to escape 3D and somehow leave it and it's inhabitants behind. They are fully involved in 3D living just like everyone else and if they aren't quite there yet (like me) that is where they are headed.

I am just beginning to understand that what I wrote in the paragraph above has been the goal all along. Never was there to be some separate 5D or above universe that I would magically step into while leaving everyone in 3D behind. I never quite believed that anyway, though. I came here to experience living life with full memory of who I am. That is what living life in-between is all about. I walk a tightrope between worlds, or so it seems that now the tightrope has widened to a bridge and falling off not so likely as it was before.

Anyway, it is very clear to me that I need to walk away from the online groups I am a part of because they are becoming detrimental to my progress and the work I came here to do. Connecting with others online has served it's purpose. The connection is now to be done in-person, the more the better. Connection "undercover" so to speak, but connection nonetheless. I am already beginning to integrate and am finding enjoyment in the connections I am making.

Other Messages

Throughout the week I have stumbled upon some things that have helped me better understand how I got to where I am now and why I have struggled so much along the way.

I found an article about top-down Kundalini awakenings while trying to better understand my panic attacks and some of the "crazy" I've been feeling lately. The following applies to my own experience with a top-down Kundalini awakening and further expounds upon the separation realization I just wrote about:

This type of awakening is BY FAR the most common awakening to get stuck in. It also can be the most dangerous because it creates an environment energetically where you are not quite a part of any reality. With the ability to easily shift through dimensions, times, perspectives, and being fully or partially out of your body, it creates opportunity for other energies to attach, and for you to lose a sense of identity or purpose. Without the support that earth and grounding offers, it is difficult to filter the intense energies that are coming through. The more the lower chakras are blocked the worse the imbalance is. 

With this type of awakening it is common to see people keep their spiritual lives and their physical lives quite separate. By this, I mean that they may be all about love, light, angels, and awakening in workshops or online, but in their daily lives they are often quite miserable and do not want to participate in life. Often I work with people struggling with depression and anxiety who put on an outward appearance, a mask of being spiritual and enlightened but in their daily lives they are struggling to function, to engage with others, or to want to be on Earth. 

The other difficulty with the top-down awakening is that it is difficult for people to want to do their personal work. It can be fun to go to workshops, to visit gurus, to spiritually seek. For the experiencer to be healed, to come to a state of balance, or to progress further in their spiritual path, they must begin to do the personal work that they have been avoiding. To let go of the ego, the Facebook memes that tell you what awakening is supposed to be like, and go internally to find out is a scary proposition. By working through personal baggage and reestablishing a personal connection with the Earth, with ancestry, and by dropping the mask that comes with being spiritual comes a state of balance, strength, power, and full realization.

Then there was this Ted Talks video that came to me yesterday. It's from an addiction therapist but much of what she talks about applies to my life experience growing up and how I coped with it.

Finally, I watched a movie on Netflix last night that also provided insight into some of my own self-harming tendencies in this lifetime. I developed an eating disorder (bulimia) in my 20s and after my awakening my guidance worked with me on healing and resolving the issue. I am proud to say I have not reverted back to such harmful behaviors. Sadly, many struggle with eating disorders to the point of death. Ultimately, it is the fear of confronting life and the inability to cope with the emotions and situations in life that lead to such destructive tendencies. Eating disorders are very much an addiction and so you can see how the Ted Talks video goes hand-in-hand with the movie.

These three connections are my own. They may not make any sense to you or your individual journey. It is becoming clearer and clearer to me that I have been given everything I need to do what I came here to do. The next big step for me is to turn away from blogging and stop running to it to communicate my thoughts and considerations. I don't need external validation of my experiences anymore nor do I feel the online, mostly one-sided exchange is helping me. I came here to LIVE and experience what life and the connections in life have to offer me. I haven't been living, I've been pretending. So now it's time to step outside my happy little me-world and go out into the happy little we-world.