Living Life in Between

I have been experiencing something amazing lately that I can only explain as me being in present time or as some would say, being in the "now". For over a week on my drive to and from work I have been feeling this peace flow over me and a happiness I cannot describe. It all starts with me feeling compelled to look around me at all of life and it's goings-on. I look at the trees, the birds, the plants and the clouds/sky. I even look at the man-made things like cars and buildings, utility poles and street signs. As I looked on these things that comprise my route to work each day all I could think of was how beautiful they all were and how amazing life is. It was as if time stood still for me and I was there experiencing the moment in all its beauty. One specific moment still stands out in my memory. Every day, at approximately 7:30am, I pass by a young teenage girl standing on the corner waiting for the bus. She is always there. Sometimes she has red hair, sometime blac...

My friend was in prison for many years. When she was released she approached me for help. She was concerned for those she left behind and wanted me to help free them and expose the prison for what it really was. When she took me for a visit I was alarmed. It was a most despicable prison. The inmates were kept in small cages only large enough to crouch in. The cages were on one side of a long hallway. There were two levels and they were stacked one upon the other. The top row of cages was at eye level. Each cage was made of wire so as to let dirt, debris and fecal matter fall through. The fronts had a door that could be opened to allow for food and water. Each door had a huge padlock on it. As I walked down the long hallway with my friend, I looked into each cage I passed. It was obvious the prison inmates were quite miserable. Most would not eat and remained curled up in the fetal position. Half of them were naked and laying in positions that exposed their genitals. Many were very ...

Some strange things have been happening lately. I know I am a little stressed but I can't blame that for everything that has been going on. For months now I have been thinking of death and dying. I'm not wishing I were dead or anything and I'm not depressed, it has just been on my mind. First it started out with me thinking about it when watching TV shows like I Survived Beyond and Back. It is weird, but I have been very drawn to watching that show. When I watch it I think about how wonderful it is on the Other Side and I miss it. It almost always tears me up. Then, I started feeling this surreality about life almost like I am not really alive but dreaming and am going to wake up any minute. This feeling comes and goes but has been strangely strong the last few weeks. Then I get memories of things Steven has told me in the past. I usually put some things on "the shelf" and don't bother worrying about them at the time I am told about them. I keep thinking ...

I woke this morning sorting through a problem I have been dealing with for many years now, but more so in the last few months. I have been trying to figure out why a certain person I love keeps making the wrong decisions. What is going on in their minds? Why can't they see that their reasoning doesn't make sense? The instant I awoke I was thinking about how life is a game, let's say Monopoly. You roll the dice and make your choices. Life throws you potential problems and gives your choices. You make a choice and you deal with the consequences. The whole time there are other players and there are rules. Some players follow the rules, some cheat or quit the game in a tantrum because they don't get their way. This happens in life, too. We do with what we get the best we can. Some of us always follow the rules while others continue to cheat or whine their way through the game, making problems for those who follow the rules. Eventually you have those who tell the cheater...

"Think about your life". This has been Steven's message to me every time I have a moment alone with my thoughts. It is a bit of a surprise to hear such a message since most of the time I feel like I need to stop thinking so much about my life. lol Along with the message comes a feeling that is hard to describe except to say that it feels like I am running out of time. The feeling reminds me of a question Steven asked me about a year ago. He asked, "What if I told you you only have ten years left to live? What would you do?" Now it could have just been a question, but very rarely is any question Steven asks just a question.There is usually a reason for it. Never did Steven say I only had ten years left to live, BUT he definitely got me to thinking: What if I only have ten years? What would I do differently? Think about your life.  In reality, there really wasn't all that much I would change - nothing big like career or living location, anyway. No, wh...

Well, he wasn't really gone, just took a step back. I figured as much. He is my Primary Guide, or as he likes to call himself, my Companion Traveler. :) A friend of mine drew a spirit portrait of Steven for me. I thought it turned out pretty well. Steven has come to me in many forms. The first time I saw him he was high up and HUGE. The white light around him was extremely bright and his presence was overwhelming. I felt very humbled by him and somewhat ashamed, as if I were being judged or something. I can't quite explain the feeling. I don't recall what exactly he looked like, but I remember seeing a large cowboy hat and thinking how odd it was that he was a cowboy. The next time I saw him was during meditation. I must have gone astral and not realized it. I remember seeing the bare upper body of a man. He came up to me and hugged me tightly. I could feel the warmth of his body and felt very attracted to him at the same time. I felt very, very loved. He was weari...

1860s - California I am a man in California. I was not ugly, but I was rough and hard, my face wrinkled from hours in the sun and on the trail. I had light to medium brown hair, which had been blond in my youth, and I had a mustache and beard. My eyes were light, green I think. My body was thin and muscular but I did have a small belly. I didn't always live in California, I move there from the eastern US because of a job. I was in law enforcement and the gold rush had brought disorder to California. I mainly stayed in San Francisco, but my job took me all over the territory. I remember that I had a wife, but she refused to move west with me. I remember that she was  very beautiful and frail with long black hair and porcelain skin. Since we lived so far apart, letters were our only contact. In those times I grew very listless and depressed. I found myself going against my marriage vows and spending the nights with prostitutes and whores. I had tried to resist the urge but had ...