Possessed
Possessed by a Demon
In the dream I was sleeping in my old bed at my childhood home. I was tossing and turning (was doing this in real life as well) and when I woke up there was a guy in the room who I felt was a friend. He told me that I might have bedbugs. I was horrified and said, "No way!" He then pointed out some tiny spatters on blood on my pillow which made me worry. Then I looked down at my forearms and saw that on both were scratches and strange markings that looked like little circles or infinity symbols. The guy with me said I must have done it to myself in my sleep. As I looked at the marks I could tell the scratches were made by finger nails. The deepest ones were on my right forearm. There was also what seemed to be archaic writing. I knew it was a demon and so did my friend. By that time I was out of bed and inspecting my whole body for the marks. My friend helped me but there were no other marks except where I had just itched my stomach. I remember saying, "It's okay. I can fix this with a deep cleaning and I know someone who can help" I told my friend to take a picture and got out this camera with a huge lens. My friend was holding out my arm and I told him he should take it because I was at the wrong angle. That is where the dream ended.
Blood indicates many things. It is normal for a pregnant woman to dream of blood as it represents the life growing inside her. It can also indicate one is suffering from exhaustion and feeling emotionally drained. Blood can also mean past actions are coming back to be dealt with. Seeing blood can also indicate an emotional cry for help and have the message to take things slow.
Bedbugs indicate that one is uneasy or annoyed at a particular situation in their life and are not voices those feelings.
To dream one is possessed by a demon indicates total helplessness.
Demons in a dream indicate one's shadow self, negative habits or that one is inflicting harm on others in their waking life.
Reflection
My initial thought about this dream was that I am beating myself up or hurting myself through my life actions. This is symbolized by the scratches and strange markings on my forearms that were self-inflicted. When I woke up I looked at my right forearm and there were circular impressions on it from the pillow I was holding, though they looked nothing like the ones in my dream. I also had lines on my other arm from the pillow.
When I got into my car this morning I was singing the song "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. I was singing the chorus, "It's time to begin, isn't it" and remembering how it was the song I kept hearing way back in May when I was thinking of leaving my job and hopeful of getting a counseling job. When I turned on my IPOD (I have it on shuffle) the song "It's Time" began playing and I was not surprised. So I listened and wondered, "What are they (my guides) trying to tell me?" I could not figure it out.
On my drive to work I was mulling over my life. I recalled a moment in my life way back in my early 20's when I was offered my first teaching job. It was at a girl's correctional facility in Montana. I interviewed and was completely surprised when they offered me the job. I did not expect to be offered it and told them that. They told me I did well in the interview and would like for me to work there. I could not give them an answer and told them I needed to talk to my husband about it. But really, I was terrified about driving to the correctional facility more than anything. It was a long drive, about 30 minutes from my home or farther and it was in the country. The roads were remote and I knew that in the winter they would be covered in ice and snow.
At that time in my life I was terrified of driving on icy roads. I had previously driven on the interstate through Wyoming in an ice storm and hit black ice. I ended up in the median and my then husband had to come rescue me. I had to continue driving in those conditions for many hours and was in tears most of the drive because I worried I would go off the road and down one of the many cliffs that lined the road. I worried I would then never be found and die there in the cold and ice. As a result of this trauma I was left in terror of driving even short distances on icy roads. The thought of having to do this to go to the job was too much for me. My husband suggested I get a house nearer and live apart from him for the time being. I could not confront something like that, either.
So I ended up turning down the job. It was a good job, too, and I would have done well at it. But I was too afraid to drive the icy roads in the winter or move away from my husband and be alone.
For a moment I had regret and wanted badly to go back in time and reverse that decision. How would it have changed me? How would my life be different? I was angry at myself for being so afraid that I threw away a good opportunity, an opportunity I was obviously ready for or the universe would not have sent it to me. I was a coward and I am ashamed of that decision. To think that icy roads kept me from what I wanted?! How absurd.
Then I began thinking about how much loss I have felt in this life; all of my shortcomings and failures. I then thought about how many more lives I will likely live and how many more losses I will have. It became overwhelming and I felt so small and helpless. I remember thinking, "I must be one of the most serious of my family group on the Other Side" and imagined myself returning Home after this life, head down, shoulders slumped and feeling like a failure.
Then I was wondering about the "bad" news I will soon be getting. My guide said clearly, "It is not bad news" and repeated himself. But the feeling I have says that it is and I can't help but wonder why I feel that way. Then I was thinking about how I just applied for another counseling job and the prospects that came with getting it. Moving away from my home, land and family. Or even worse, being told by my boss that he would not let me out of my contract. And then freaking out over my ability to even be a counselor and not feeling I would be able to handle the responsibilities that came with it. I did recognize, however, that the reason I was not sure about taking a counseling job is that I fear failure.
That is what I was thinking about when I arrived at work. It is enough to ruin anyone's day. And mine is definitely starting off rocky.
Fear
A friend of mine on FB asked me if I had been allowing fear to rule my emotions. It seems I have been. That is definitely what ruled my life back in my early 20's. And my thoughts this morning were very much fear oriented, especially those where I was considering the possible outcome of me getting a counseling job.
What if the universe were to send me exactly what I have been asking for - a counseling job? Would I be too afraid to take it? Would I repeat the past and avoid an opportunity because I allow my fears to blow things out of proportion? Would I do damage to myself, much like in my dream, rather than face a new, unknown path?
Perhaps that is why I had the dream and why I remembered my past this morning. Perhaps I will be getting what I asked for soon. If so, I hope I will be brave enough to take the next step.
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