Trapped on a School Bus
But last night I found myself once again tossing and turning as I tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep. My mind was too awake and I tried to meditate and let the thoughts come and go, but the thoughts I was having were unwanted. I kept thinking about issues that were bothering me - my pregnancy, my sister and my job. Then I got hungry and had to get up and get some food. Then I got upset and cried in frustration. The last thing I was thinking about was my job and how I so wanted to go in and see if there was some way I could get let out of my contract. Finally, at around 1am, I remember telling myself, "I am going to go to sleep now. I will wake up feeling good and it will be okay". I fell asleep not long after.
Though I only slept about 3.5hrs, I had very vivid dreams.
House-mansion
I was far away from home in a rural area that was full of dust and very flat. I remember going down a road in a car and finding myself at a large, old house. It was my house but I don't recall how I came by it. I went inside and was walking through the house with some other people. I remember a female was with me but cannot remember the rest. As we walked from room to room, the rooms went from old and shoddy to new, repaired and cleaned up. I recall that the house did not have electricity so we got it electricity. Unfortunately, the stairs were very dark and there was no lights in the stairwell. The stairs felt uncomfortable to me and haunted. I recall telling the woman that I wanted windows put in the stairwell to let more light in. She agreed.
Then I was with family members and showing them the house. It was more like a mansion now and very nice and fixed up with beautiful wood work and a restaurant and bar. I remember taking them up the stairs that now had windows and falling behind at one point. The stairs became like a maze and at one point I was on the roof of the house walking over a wooden pathway that was over water, the boards permeated with water and moss. I looked down and thought how beautiful these water gardens were. I had to catch up to the rest of my party and climbed up another area and then went back down to the main floor. There I saw my sister and she was in a room sitting at a computer. I remember thinking the computer was out of place. The room was full of musical stuff and black furniture that was in the wrong place. Sister said she was sleeping there and would not look away from the computer. The scene felt very off.
Then I was in the car driving on the road and looking at the house from a distance. I could see the old house with another house next door and one across the street, both abandoned. Then I was driving on icy roads in snow and slid out of control to find myself facing back in the direction from which I came.
Trapped in a School Bus
In this dream I was in a school bus with a bunch of other people, all older than normal school aged kids. We were waiting around and I recall that I had kidnapped these people and made them stay on the bus. They did not dislike me for it, though. I remember being in control of what they did and when they would get off. At one point I let them get off the bus and I went in a car with two of them. I asked where we were going and they said, 'The cemetery to do gravestone rubbings". I was confused because were suppose to be going home, but agreed to go. We ended up not in a cemetery but walking towards a large warehouse type area. There were gang member kids lurking around and it felt unsafe, but there was a guide who helped us through the danger. At the warehouse I remember thinking, "This is not the cemetery". It actually appeared more like a stadium. In the center was a man standing with a paintbrush. All around him were jugs of paint of different colors. He was putting paint on towels and a woman was distributing the towels to people sitting in the seats around him. She greeted us and was very nice and reassuring. She showed me where to sit, gave me a white towel (no paint on it) and I watched as the man spun around putting paint on towels. This is where the dream ended.
Interpretation
The house is representative of one's subconscious, the various rooms indicating different areas.
Stairs - going up or down stairs indicates achieving a higher level of understanding. The fear I had and not being able to see on the stairs indicates some kind of issue here that was resolved with windows.
Windows - insight and opportunity.
Ice - not seeing progress in life. Slipping on ice represents insecurities.
School bus - indicates one is on an important journey needed for personal growth.
School - signifies feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Not doing my lessons indicates an unwillingness to confront certain life lessons. These were simple lessons, too, as they were sight words!
Stadium - determination to succeed and reach one's goals.
Paint - expression of inner emotions.
Towel - a need to deal with one's emotions in order to move forward in life or can mean a fresh start.
Cemetery - rebirth and or symbolic of sadness.
Life Issues Now
When I got to work today I found that a coworker who was just hired had cleaned out her office. There is no news as to what happened to her, but it is obvious that she is gone either resigned or fired. This doesn't happen often and I feel bad because I was asked to write a statement about what I saw and it likely got her in trouble. I did not lie because what she did was on camera and I was there, too. But I still feel bad. Plus I am jealous that she got to go.
In handling the news of this coworker's departure, another coworker told me something that made me stop and listen. When I reported that I wanted to resign, too, she said, "Oh you'll get a job soon". Something told me to listen and take note of her words. I hope she is right!
I am still very upset about my sister and her affect on my family. I had a long talk with my husband this weekend about it. He has similar issues with a coworker. We both are struggling to deal with the upset caused by knowing that someone is getting more than their share of things when they have done nothing to deserve it or have been lazy and selfish. I have been most upset by the fact that I have done everything the right way and have worked hard to get where I am at and here my sister does everything the wrong way and is getting government handouts and family handouts as well. My own family is rewarding her for her mistakes. Why is it that those who don't deserve good things, get them? It is just unfair.
I decided that come April (when this baby is due) that I want to put my house up for sale and begin the process of moving away from my family land and the drama that I know is sure to ensue when my sister has her baby. I don't want to be around that drama and injustice anymore. My husband, keen on moving, wrote down what I said and repeated it to me -"In April we will put the house up for sale and never come back". LOL Now, if I get a job before then that may change things, but I still want to get away from here. The thought of it made tears come to my eyes, though. I feel like a failure leaving my house and land behind. My husband also asked me to tell him what lessons I learned from the experiences I have had at my job. I told him I learned that not everyone wants to be helped and that it is okay not to be able to help someone. I also said I learned that material things are not as important as my happiness and I deserve more than I am getting at my current job. It was nice to say these this to him and he seemed genuinely interested in hearing me. I like the idea of resigning around when my baby is born (extended maternity leave is allowed!!) and starting a new life elsewhere. I have had enough of being unhappy.
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