Living Life in Between

I mentioned in my last post that I have had some precognitive-type dreams. Well I had received information about the 30th-31st of July, but most of it was lost to me. All that remained with the two dates was Knowing that it was important. Yesterday I agreed to go to a work party with my husband. His company has them every now and again and I usually don't go. This time I opted to go since, well, I am doing things I normally wouldn't do. A few hours before we were to leave I kept getting a weird feeling. I pushed it away but it was persistent. It just felt like "something" was going to happen. The party was at Top Golf. The company provided everything and so I took advantage. Free alcohol, food, desert, etc. I told my husband I planned to get a good buzz. Why not? Well, the buzz gave me my first panic attack in weeks, but it was a tiny one. I stopped having wine after that and switched to water. Nothing else happened and so I forgot about the feeling I had. Th...

I continue to push myself out of my comfort zone on a daily basis, though it is funny how quickly one's comfort zone expands! lol I am working on stepping away from creating new routines because routines end up becoming comfortable, but that is the point after all. Humans crave routine. It makes them feel safe and in control. This is built into our society and hard to avoid, but the more aware one is of it, the better. The more I act without thinking first of the "what if's" and "consequences", the more in-tune I get with my true self. It is a slow process and not foolproof by any means. I still sometimes listen to the inner voice that warns against anything "unsafe" or different from my "norm". I am seeing, however, that adventure-seeking, courageous and bold child I once was coming out more frequently. What is funny is that that part of me scares the part of me that craves routine and moderation. It is obvious that the thrill-seeki...

I've been taking it easy this week. I think I overdid it last week with the running, swimming and weight training crammed in with all the family activities because I have felt more tired than usual. Despite this, I went for a run early Tuesday morning and the humidity almost did me in. Plus, I hate running in the morning! I do better mid-day or evening. Unfortunately, morning runs are better right now with temps in the upper 90's well into the evening hours. Yesterday I went to the lake with my family to try swimming in open water. I started out to the buoy with my husband and began to panic when it got real deep. Sigh. I ended up swimming along the shoreline for almost 700 meters. I need to build up my endurance, swimming more than 100 meter segments, then I can try the open water swim. I still have childish fears of monsters lurking in the deep. Plus it doesn't help that the lake is overflowing with hydrilla, an invasive species of water plant that likes to grab o...

I had a long, busy and productive weekend. It began with a trip to the water park with my entire family and my BIL and his two sons. Usually I would not go to the water park for various reasons, all of them BS and based upon my mother's valence (tendencies/patterns) and not my own. Consistent with my goal to push myself outside of my comfort zone, the water park was a fun experience and one I should not have been denying myself just because of the false beliefs and self-limitation picked up from my mom growing up. I did not get to go on the bike ride I had planned this weekend. The bicycles my husband had for me to try out were just too big and the one that would be more my size was a 20 minute drive away and we could just not fit it into our schedule. At some point I will give it a try but it is likely too small for me at 48cm. I need one that is around 52cm. A neighbor and avid bike rider suggested I get a hybrid bike rather than a road bike. He also suggested I take a maste...

I've been keeping busy this week and my interest in blogging and spiritual subjects is becoming less and less with each passing day. My goal to do something different each day that challenges me is working. I got the kids involved and have been out and about every day this week with them. We've visited a community park, my mom's house, and a donut factory this week. My kids also stayed the night at my mom's last night which gave me and my husband a night to ourselves. We went to Flix Brewhouse for dinner and a movie. We saw the newest Planet of the Apes movie. I give it 3 stars for a slow first half. Plus, I just can't seem to sympathize with computer-generated ape people. On top of the busy schedule with my kids, I've been pushing myself to exercise outside more. My mom's place is great for outdoor activities, swimming especially, but running out there is nice as well. I have miles and miles of hilly, country roads to run. :) It has been extremely hot...

As I mentioned in my last post, I am going to start slowly "weaning" myself from blogging. Since I have gotten in the habit of daily blogging I am going to start out with reducing my blogging to every other day and then reduce it further to every third day and then every week, and so on and so forth until I am blogging less and less. Blogging itself is not an issue, it's therapeutic and helps me sort my thoughts, but blogging publicly is no longer beneficial. Results  I made good progress over the weekend making it to about halfway through the course I am doing. I had some interesting experiences I wanted to share. There are two drills focused on confront. The first involves just sitting with eyes closed across from another person. You do this until you can be there comfortably. I normally have no issue with doing this because I have done so much meditating. Apparently many people fall asleep. I wish I could do that! Anyway, I was not comfortable doing this drill...

My first day of "class" was successful. I left feeling positive, open, and extroverted compared to my normal introversion. I return today and will work with a partner to practice - drill -  communication. The first to be drilled is confront. Ha! Just what I need because, though I very often excel at confronting life and situations I encounter in life, I have been avoidant of late. I will first just sit comfortably with my eyes closed for a length of time across from my partner whose eyes will be open. After that I get to do it with eyes open and looking my partner directly in the eyes and am not allowed to look away. I will master the first without an issue but the second always brings out some interesting manifestations, usually nervousness and sometimes even grief. If you have ever looked anyone in the eyes for a long time without talking it can be quite unnerving and exposing. That is EXACTLY what it is suppose to do in the drill.  I have successfully completed th...