Personality Change

I continue to push myself out of my comfort zone on a daily basis, though it is funny how quickly one's comfort zone expands! lol I am working on stepping away from creating new routines because routines end up becoming comfortable, but that is the point after all. Humans crave routine. It makes them feel safe and in control. This is built into our society and hard to avoid, but the more aware one is of it, the better.

The more I act without thinking first of the "what if's" and "consequences", the more in-tune I get with my true self. It is a slow process and not foolproof by any means. I still sometimes listen to the inner voice that warns against anything "unsafe" or different from my "norm". I am seeing, however, that adventure-seeking, courageous and bold child I once was coming out more frequently. What is funny is that that part of me scares the part of me that craves routine and moderation. It is obvious that the thrill-seeking side of me was convinced at some point, through experience and caution by others I loved and trusted, that her act-before-thinking tendencies would lead to "bad things". Thus, the take-it-slow approach I am following to avoid the full-on fight or flight that tends to happen when I become overwhelmed. By pushing my own limits, though cautiously, I am getting a glimpse of my own inner workings; seeing my inner child and getting to know her again.

Yesterday morning I went on a 12.5 mile bike ride with my husband. We followed roads, sidewalks and biking trails all the way across town and back. I was nervous at first, especially with sharing the road with cars, but by the second half of the ride I was much more comfortable. I could have run the route in the time I biked it, though. lol But the purpose of the ride was to get comfortable with riding a bike again and so I met my goal. I went on a short ride with my daughter this morning around the neighborhood and really enjoyed myself. I forgot how freeing it is.

This week I went on two 2 mile runs, three bike rides totaling over 2 hours, one swim, and did three weight training sessions totaling over 2.5 hours. I meant to run more but the mornings really kick my butt. I had to literally peel myself out of bed to do the second one this week. lol I can't wait until it begins to cool off in Sept/Oct so I can run in the afternoons/evenings without the heat index being killer.  So far I am finding it easy to get motivated for a bike ride. I can ride later in the day without noticing the heat and burn almost as many calories as I do when I run.

Personality Change

Spiritually I don't even recognize myself these days. I look at my Dayna Stone FB feed and think more times than not, "WTF people?" when before I use to think the same of more mundane posts like pictures of the food someone ate at a restaurant or something. I actually unfollowed some people but then stopped because if I unfollowed everyone I would have practically no feed to speak of. lol I completely avoid my WP reader except for a couple of friends I still follow because most of it seems alien to me now. The few posts I have read leave me wondering, "How could I have fallen for all that?". I know I did, heck I was even writing some of the same kind of stuff, but now it appears wordy, repetitive and without substance. In fact, "without substance" is the perfect description. Substance here meaning a zest for living, for doing and participating in life.

It may seem I've gone to the other extreme, which is my tendency, but that isn't the case. My focus has just shifted. The ascension path lacks substance, at least what I have observed of it. I need more substance in my life. More hands-on and less hocus pocus. I need concrete results.

Like I said, I don't recognize myself anymore. It is so distinct a shift that I have actually considered going back to using my legal name and tossing "Dayna" because I don't feel like her anymore. Everything I wrote, everything I did, everything I experienced seems to have belonged to someone else. And the shift in personality is not something I am resisting or questioning. Not at all. It just IS. I don't care why or how.

I still hear my guidance every now and then but it is very limited. I still have dreams, some seemingly prophetic. I don't ignore them completely but I don't run to the computer to write them down and analyze the heck out of them. I take what comes to me and then let it be. I still see "signs" but I don't place too much importance on them.

So what does it all mean? Heck if I know and honestly I don't care. Whatever.