Decision

Yesterday when I opened up my next online course and I saw all the work that was involved I cringed. This happened with my last course, the one I just successfully completed. However, there was more dread this time and I knew that my heart just was not in it anymore. I considered dropping the course and then, after thinking on it some more, I considered a complete university withdrawal.

I sent an email to inquire on what I would need to withdraw and waited on the response. I spent the remainder of the day thinking about it. How badly did I want to be an LPC? Do I need it to do what I want to do in life? Actually, what do I want to do in life?

I had trouble sleeping last night but finally went to sleep at about 1a.m. When I awoke this morning I had complete certainty that I wanted to withdraw and forgo obtaining my LPC. I told my husband and gathered up the documents I needed, filled them out and emailed them to the records department. I expect a reply email on Monday confirming the withdrawal, or, the worst case scenario is that I filled out the wrong form and need to send in the correct one.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of me. It is amazing. I did not realize that it was such a burden to be pursuing my LPC. I started recognizing my resistance last course when I was given assignment after assignment that required me to diagnose a fictional person with this or that mental disorder using the DSM-IV-TR. I absolutely hated it. I hate diagnosing people with mental disorders and I don't want to do it. Most of the "disorders" are vague, their criteria applying to most normal individuals at one time or another in their life. Most importantly, how can I diagnose someone with a mental disorder when I, myself, would qualify for many of the disorders just because of my spiritual abilities? Who is to say that these people are mentally disabled because they hear a "voice" or have an out of body experience or unexplainable experience? Who is to say someone needs to take a ton of medications to be "normal"? That is not who I am, never has been. I do not need a license to help people and I don't want a license to diagnose people or go along with some mental diagnosis that may or may not be accurate.And the course that sent me into this tailspin was a course whose requirements were that I learn specific counseling skills and techniques and prove that I can use them by videoing myself with a client. The techniques are all find and dandy but to restrict myself to learning certain acceptable techniques is not in my nature. Most of what I do when I help someone or counsel them is intuitive. It is not a "technique" with a name, it just is. I did not feel that spending the next five weeks proving I am capable is something I would enjoy or that is necessary for me. I would much rather be exploring my spiritual side, flying out of body on astral adventures and helping others using my gifts.

So much for the LPC idea. I guess it served its purpose.

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