My Team
Sunday, when the coursework and syllabus appeared online for me to view, I became a bit indecisive about whether I wanted to keep going. I finished my graduate coursework for my master's in school counseling a couple of weeks ago, so I keep feeling DONE. Yet, to get my LPC certification, I have to continue on. It won't take me long - I will be done early Spring 2014 - but I was feeling so unmotivated.
I took some time to think about it and was reminded of my primary reason for pursuing my LPC - to be able to use my counseling license along with my spiritual gifts to help people. I went online, researching others who were already doing what I wanted to do. They were out there and it reassured me that what I wanted to do could be done.
So, I went ahead and did my first week's assignments. When I finished, I felt a bit computer-logged (my word for that zoned out feeling I get from too much time on the computer). So, I took the family grocery shopping.
Lately, when I drive my car anywhere, it seems like my guides come out of hiding and begin to send me messages. I could just be going on a 20 minute drive and find myself an emotional mess at the end of it. This drive was similar. My mind was filled with memories, memories of all the times I had started on the path towards obtaining my LPC and had stopped or changed my mind.
Missed Opportunities
In 2000, at the end of my second senior year in college, one of my professors of Psychology (she taught Political Psychology) approached me at the end of class. She told me that she would be happy to give me a recommendation for graduate school in counseling. I didn't ask her for it. I had never really even thought about it. And here, out of the blue, this professor comes up and tells me she would give me a recommendation! After getting this amazing compliment, I could not stop wandering, "Should I go to graduate school?" So, I decided to research it. The professor (can't remember her name now) had mentioned counseling when she spoke to me, so I looked into it. The requirements were okay - 48 more hours or two more years of college - but what I didn't like was that I had to take the GRE. For some reason I was terrified of taking it (stupid). I was also burned out. I had been in undergrad for five years. I wanted a break.
I convinced myself that it was not the right time and forgot about it. That was opportunity #1.
Fast forward to 2003. I thought about going back to school to get my counseling degree. I researched a school nearby but the classes would be at night from 6-9pm. That same year, I had my spiritual awakening and so the idea of returning to college was replaced with the crazy idea to quit my job and try to be a psychic/medium for a living.
That was opportunity #2.
In 2005, after failing miserably as a self-employed psychic/medium, I was at my lowest low. I decided to go back to school and enrolled in graduate school in the college of counseling. Three weeks later, I quit. The classes I took were horribly boring to me. The interest I once had in psychology was burnt up and no matter how hard I tried, I could not rekindle the fire. It didn't help that I was horribly depressed and miserable.
That was opportunity #3.
In 2009, after having my daughter and being settled and married for a couple of years, I once again looked into going back to school. I even enrolled at the University of Phoenix. I had to take an introductory course and quickly decided it was not for me. I dropped out before finishing. It was too expensive and time consuming. I began focusing on family again and had my son a couple of years later.
That was opportunity #4.
There are several smaller incidents that I don't label "opportunities", but they really are. Any time I have thought about going into counseling was a moment when I could have chosen different and thus was an opportunity. I had thoughts when I lived in Alaska of going back to school way back in 2001. I also was enrolled again in graduate school in 2010 but dropped out when I discovered I was pregnant.
All these memories hit me on my drive to the grocery store and stayed with me as I shopped.
6 times. 6 times I had thought about and then thrown away the chance to be a counselor. Why?
Number 1 reason? Fear. Number 2 reason? Laziness, depression or lack of motivation. Number 3 reason? Money. Number 4 reason? Not the right time. All excuses. Ever heard someone say, "Excuses will get you nowhere?" Well, it is TRUE! Look at what happened to me.
I remember when I finally started my graduate classes. I was terrified. I hadn't written a paper in 10 years! What if I failed? What if I never used my degree and it was a waste of my time?
I almost dropped out but I remember thinking to myself: I am going to do this! I don't care if I ever use the degree, I need to do this for me!
And..... I did it.
There was no voice booming in my head that told me to do it. My guides don't tell me what to do. I decided and then stuck to it. That was all it took. Ha! So easy! When I look back on it, though, I thought it would be horribly difficult and time consuming. Turns out, I flew through it with all A's. Actually, out of 12 classes, I got 100% on 9 and 99% on the other three. Not only was I able to return to how I had been at the end of my senior years of undergrad where I could write a 5 page research paper in 3 hours, but I was better!
And I succeeded despite the hellish year I had at work. Who would have thought? Not me!
I don't pat myself on the back near enough. I am good at school. Always was and likely always will be. So what is five more classes? Nothing. It will be over in a blink of an eye. And another two certification tests? Easy. I already passed two without even studying!
It just makes me laugh!
My Team
Many years ago, when going through my spiritual awakening, I use to read books by famous psychic/mediums, medical intuitives and the like in order to gain some perspective. I remember reading John Edward's book, One Last Time. I use to fantasize that one day I would be famous like John Edward, Silvia Browne and other famous psychic/mediums (gag). When I read John Edward's book I recall that he talked about his guides quite differently than I had read of before. He said he had a whole group that was with him. This was odd to me because I only had Steven, so it made me curious. John called his group of guides his "gang" but also referred to them as a team.
How interesting, I thought. I wonder how he keeps up with them all? I have enough trouble keeping up with Steven.
A couple of days ago, before all these revelations about my passed up opportunities, I took some time to meditate. It wasn't long, just as long as my son's afternoon nap, but it was long enough.
I laid down on my daughter's bed and closed my eyes. I had felt my guides close. There were usually four, sometimes more, but usually four. I had never taken the time to get to know them. It was too confusing and, like I said earlier, it is hard enough to keep up with one!
Then one of my guides, John from the previous night's dream, came forward and stood right in front of me (this is in my mind's eye, not a physical manifestation). Now if you read my dream from a couple of nights ago, you would know who John is. He was standing across the river in a full suit of armor. I went over, asked him to raise his helmet and asked him, "What are you doing here?" and he said, "You called me". Well, the name he gave me was John. I accepted it but didn't think much of it, or him.
Well, it was John who was there and he was not quiet. He asked me if I remember him. I said, "No". He then showed me an image of a ouija board. I thought about it and then said, "I spoke to you on the board?" and he said, "Yes". I didn't remember. I spoke mostly to Leslie during that time. But, there was a male guide who would sometimes come through. I would not usually talk to him because I didn't feel comfortable talking to a male guide.
I then remembered being told the name John previously, during my spiritual awakening. I often got names of guides and, if they were not Steven, I would often quickly forget them and their names. I even would tell them to go away because, I must confess, having more than one guide along with multiple Spirits trying to talk to you can be quite confusing.
With this new information, I thought about how he came to me in my dream wearing a suit of armor and laughed. I said to him, "You were my knight in shining armor!" He replied, "Yes". I felt a familiarity I cannot describe here. It was as if his appearance in armor and my recognition of it sparked a long, forgotten memory; a very old memory.
I then once again recognized that he was not alone. There were three others with him. I thought about it a while and wondered: Were these the same four who had been with me all these years? Who were they?
As if answering my question I got a very quick but very clear visual in my mind, almost like a very clear photograph. There they were, all four of them. Standing in the forefront was a woman. Her features are the clearest to me because I got to look at her the longest. She had medium brown, shoulder length hair. It was wavy and looked similar to the haircuts one would see in the mid-70s, you know the Jane Fonda hairdos? She had a nice face and very bright eyes that seemed outlined as if with makeup. I did not get to see what color her eyes were but I can still see her face.
The strangest part of this is that when I saw this picture, I knew them. All of them. Not only did I know them but I felt as if they were my team, like my family.
The first thing I said to John was, "I know you!"
As I type this my heart chakra is pulling very hard and I am getting psychic chills. I am holding back tears of joy.
I assume John is my healer. That is what he has been doing anyway. Since that first night in my dream I have been getting continual healing. Sometimes I feel it, sometimes I don't. In my dreams I feel it the most. Lately it has been my root and heart chakras. Last night, I awakened from another sexual dream (ugh) and felt so much energy around my root chakra (not painful, not pleasant) that it was as if I had a bubble of energy around me that extended all the way around my pelvic region and went up to my belly button. It was an amazing feeling.
Oh, I just remembered John from before, when I was in the midst of my spiritual awakening. He appeared to me in an astral experience as a blonde Adonis-type, almost angelic-like man. He gave me his name then. Can't believe I forgot. Well, yes I can. lol
It is nice to know I have a team, to feel a part of a team. When I saw that picture in my mind it woke up a memory I think. I feel as if I am not living this life just for me; as if the very decisions I make affect them and....others. It is very weird but nice. I hope the feeling stays.
Comments